lol...gotta read these jokes!
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:15pm
Thread Topic: lol...gotta read these jokes!
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Omg xDD
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lol xD
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A man went to a strip club. When he got inside he noticed a seat conspicuously unoccupied in the front row. Seizing the opportunity, he took the seat.
As soon as the first dancer walked out, the guy directly behind him yelled, ‘Yeah baby! That's what I've been waiting for!’
The man in the front row turned around and gave him a dirty look. A few minutes into the show, the dancer did a move and snatched off her top, revealing two
pasties. The guy behind our friend goes off again. ‘Yeah baby! Shake those things.’
Our friend turned around and said, ‘Hey buddy, calm down!’
After a few moments, the dancer did another move, and snatched off herdress, revealing a very thin G-string.
Again the man behind our friend yelled out, ‘Oh baby! You're almost there!’
Our friend again turned around and said, ‘Hey buddy, shut the hell up, will ya!’
A few minutes later, the dancer stretched out on the floor and snatched off both the pasties and the G-string, and the whole club went wild, except for the man behind our friend. Curious, our friend turned around and asked, ‘Say buddy, where's your enthusiasm now?’
The guy responded, ‘It's all over your back, dude.’ -
Do you know the joke about the kid who kept having dreams?
Post it here if you do, pweaze. :3 -
Hi Nakita!
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An escaped convict, imprisoned for 1st degree murder, had spent 25 years of his life sentence in prison. While on the run, he broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom.Â
He tied the man to a chair on one side of the room and his wife on the bed. He got on the bed right over the woman, and it appeared he was kissing her neck. Suddenly he got up and left the room.Â
As soon as possible the husband made his way across the room to his bride, his chair in tow, and whispered, ‘Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw him kissing on your neck and then he left in a hurry. Just cooperate and do anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Whatever you do don't fight him or make him mad. Our lives depend on it!. Be strong and I love you.’Â
After spitting out the gag in her mouth, the half naked wife says: ‘Dear, I'm so relieved you feel that way. You're right, he hasn't seen a woman in years, but he wasn't kissing my neck....He was whispering in my ear. He said he thinks you're really cute and asked if we kept the Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong and I love you, too.’ -
A hunter spots a small brown bear and shoots it. He then feels a tap on his shoulder, turns around, and is face to face with a big black bear. ‘You’ve got two choices,’ says the bear. ‘I maul you, or we have sex.’
The guy opts to take it from the bear. After recovering for two weeks, the pissed-off hunter searches out and shoots the big black bear. Just then he feels another tap on his shoulder, and turns to see a 10-foot grizzly standing over him.
‘Admit it,’ says the bear. ‘You don’t come here for the hunting, do you?’ -
A man and a woman were dating. She being of a religious nature had held back the worldly pleasure that he wanted from her so bad. In fact, he had never even seen her naked. Â One day, as they drove down the freeway, she remarked about his slow driving habits. Â Â
‘I can't stand it anymore,’ she told him. ‘Let's play a game. For every 5 miles per hour over the speed limit you drive, I'll remove one piece of clothing’. Â
He enthusiastically agreed and sped up the car. Â He reached the 55 MPH mark, so she took off her blouse. Â At 60 off came the pants. Â At 65 it was her bra and at 70 her panties.Â
Now seeing her naked for the first time and travelling faster than he ever had before, he became very excited and lost control of the car. He veered off the road, went over an embankment and hit a tree. His girlfriend was not hurt but he was trapped. She tried to pull him free but alas he was stuck. ‘Go to the road and get help,’ he said. ‘I don't have anything to cover myself with!’ she replied. The man felt around, but could only reach one of his shoes. ‘You'll have to put this between your legs to cover it up,’ he told her. So she did as he said and went up to the road for help.Â
Along came a truck driver. Seeing a naked, crying woman along the road, he pulled over to hear her story. ‘My boyfriend! My boyfriend!’ she sobs, ‘He's stuck and I can't pull him out!’ Â
The truck driver looking down at the shoe between her legs replies, ‘Ma'am, if he's in that far, I'm afraid he's a goner!’ -
LOL at the bear one and the car one. xD
And hiya Brit. :3 -
How's it going?
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Do you get the convict one? xD
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...painful. My back is killing me again and Dewey is ticking me off. :/ But other than that, pretty good. xD
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Yesh, I did. x3 They were being posted so fast I didn't have time to comment on it before the next one was posted, though. xD
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I have a sex joke app. xD
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Who's Dewey? I'm sorry your back hurts
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