Show me where my armour ends, show me where my skin begins
- Locked by Dark22978 on Dec 31, '17 10:07pmReason: Owner's request. Starting anew.
Thread Topic: Show me where my armour ends, show me where my skin begins
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like honestly if you don't like jackson wang don't tell me cause listen
i will never shut up about him, he's literally my inspiration and role model and my dream is to go big with my books so i can personally thank him for f---ing existing like
i feel so honored to live in the same era as him -
i love bts and golchi and nct and sk and knk b u t
got7 is always gonna be my number one
spring day by bts is my favorite song rn tho -
if my ex-boyfriend messages me one more f---ing time
like let me l i v e -
I keep stealing pieces of turkey
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watching dream night
honestly, what a trip
why does this girl have a bed outside tho wtf -
turkey is good
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I am coughing up blood c:
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trying really hard to pull myself back from the edge but
Kinda just want to give up. It'd be easier. -
Is that cowardly? Probably.
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Sad Little Neko NewbieHello
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("It's alright, I'll be fine. Gonna go to bed, love you."
"I love you too. You better wake up b----.") -
Sad Little Neko NewbieMe too. Haha
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We haven't had a single roll of ducktape in the house since my Freshman year but
A couple weeks ago, the Tuesday before last? I walked to Walmart on my break and bought one. I was going to kill myself. Simple as that, and I mean I was sad but I was resolved to it.
I was tired I guess? School has been rough. I'm not doing well in my classes and I'm scared that I won't make it. What if I don't get into the college that offers my program? What if I fail my English class? What if I get kicked out of economics? And I'd been considering it again for a while. I hadn't told anyone but the urge was there, you know? Pressing.
And that day had been particularly rough. Everyone was mad at me for some reason or another. Jasmine told me she was back with Mercedes. Parys was too busy talking endlessly about Jayson for me to say anything about how f---ed up I was feeling.
I knew I was gonna do it that night. In sixth period I had started shaking because I was just.. Idk, really f---ed up? And L thought I was cold and gave me her hoodie and it just.
Felt so f---ing familiar. I was gonna kill myself wearing someone else's hoodie, with a plastic bag ducktaped over my head. Except this time I wasn't trying, I was doing.
I cried on the bus ride home and listened to all my favorite songs and tried to reach out to Parys, but she just got mad at me. Which was fine. One time she told me that if someone was going to kill themselves, they wouldn't tell anyone.
So I didn't. And I bought the ducktape but when I was walking out of Walmart I saw Parys with her grandma. And I had just been thinking about how much it sucked that our last conversation had been a fight. So I hugged her and told her I loved her.
I mean, I think Rose knew something was off. I kept telling her I loved her, so I got to let her know that. And after she went to bed, I sent her a message asking if she was asleep. No reply.
So I sat down and typed put two suicide notes, one to her and one to Parys. And I reminded Parys in hers to tell her what had happened. And I explained everything to both of them.
I went to my little sister's rooms and kissed their foreheads. I cuddled Athena. I cleaned out my bedside table and sent Parys the email with the notes in it.
And I ducktaped two plastic bags over my head and left them there until I almost passed out. And I guess my body took over and tore them off and I just. Was so frustrated and angry and tired and sick.. And I just shoved them into my bedside table and went to sleep.
Then I stayed home from school the next day. And then a few days later, I told Parys everything that had happened while Jayson was sitting in her backseat and we were at sonics.
And that's what I love about Parys. She never makes me feel guilty. I can tell her I attempted again, or that I burnt myself so many times my room smells like it, or my voice can be so f---ed up from binging and purging and she just. Loves me. Not despite it or because. The two facts aren't related: I'm really f---ed up; Parys loves me. And I'm just tired of life and I know it'll pass but it's so f---ing hard right now -
Sad Little Neko NewbieCan I not look at that post?
It's alot of reading I hate reading -
It felt good to type that all out but I'm tired and my head hurts so im gonna go to bed
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