Land of Stars and Echoes
Thread Topic: Land of Stars and Echoes
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oops, died for a minute there
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oops, died for another minute
man, I'm crazy bad at staying alive -
I guess now I'm moving out a lot earlier than I had planned
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f---
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I don't know what I'm doing lmao
I'm not going to be happy no matter where I go. I'm going to burden the people I love. I'm going to fall apart. f---, I don't even have a job right now. I'm worthless. What am I supposed to do here? -
Aw don't say that
If you wanna talk I'm always free -
this isn't real
or at least
I've worked for weeks to convince myself
of as much
these problems are imaginary
these feelings
(or lack thereof, depending on the day)
are unreliable
tonight I'm standing on a hill
on a window sill
on a cliffside
on a ledge
and I can't feel the wind lashing my face
but I can feel the way the world seems to churn
in time with my stomach
gravity knows me by name, you know,
and I owe it a debt
tonight I am numb but I don't
need to feel the end creeping up on me
to hear twigs snapping
a small scale apocalypse is a little more
than I can frighten off with a loud voice and a knife
and the police seem
to think I'm crazy
tonight I'm making friends with thunder,
sharing secrets with lightning
and entrusting care of my corpse to the rain
I've always said I loved the rainy days
because it feels like they don't count
but this one does
and I think that means they always have
and I guess I'm going to have to accept that now
tonight I am a ghost
making plans in the dark to make everyone's lives hell
and then disappear without a trace
and I wonder if they'll talk about me
if they'll tell people about how I haunted them for twenty years
and if people will laugh at them
because I don't exist
I never did
and even if I did
I can only cause harm to the people
who believed in me the most -
honestly pewdiepie can choke lmfao
I don't give a s--- who likes him -
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you have no love for me
I have none for you
I'm remembering times when songs that
sounded like I might've heard them on the radio when I was little
were enough to drown out thought altogether for a moment
and I got drunk off every note
until I found myself in a better place
and I remember dedicating days at a time
to sifting through countless songs on the internet
in hopes of finding one with that kind of power
you don't care for me
I don't care for you
but you know to shut your mouth when I try to sing
because you know I won't be listening to you anyway
you used to talk til you were blue in the face
while I hummed softly to myself
to the room
I was trying to sing the stairs to sleep
what did you say?
I still laugh when I remember your face when you realized
you'd have to repeat every word
you wish you could be rid of me
I don't have that option
I've been singing the same song for as long as I've had a voice
changing the key every time I think I know who I am
you think you've heard every song I've ever written
but you've never been very bright
I don't know my own melody when I hear it
so what makes you think you do -
it's been a great week for incoherent poetry
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I have a new job! Huzzah!
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Granted, it won't be paying half as well as my last job, but at least I don't think I'll be bored out of my skull.
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I've been waiting nearly two weeks since I got fired to hear back from Taco Bell. They're taking their sweet time. They told me yesterday (Tuesday) they'd get back to me on whether I was rehirable or not on Thursday. I'm not waiting any longer without even knowing if I'll be able to get the job, so in the meantime, that night, I applied at Wendy's. That same night, I got a call from Wendy's. Today, Wednesday, I had an interview at Wendy's and got hired. Tomorrow, Thursday, the day Taco Bell planned on calling me back to tell me whether they'd even consider hiring me, will be my first day at the job I applied for yesterday.
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