My Thread. 99.9% unofficial.
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 9, '16 3:54am
Thread Topic: My Thread. 99.9% unofficial.
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Hey, I'm just going to post this little rant here real quick, but then I'm going back on break again, as explained in my last post.
I don't know, guys, I guess I've hit a really low spot. Schools started back up again, it's almost mid-term for Honors stuff, and I've just been so tired and exhausted. My head and chest are pounding and hurt as if there's no tomorrow, and apparently I've been worrying some of the teachers at school, too. I was pulled out of first period to go to the counselors office because she had overheard some teachers in the halls talking about me. I mean, yeah, i feel sick and feel like s---, but I don't want them to worry about me.
I also had to clean my room this weekend, which I f---ing hate. And it's not because I'm too lazy or don't feel like cleaning it or anything, it's because I hate finding old papers I've written on that I've forgotten about because it reminds me of how much I hate myself. Saturday I procrastinated on it after my mum told me to clean my room since I didn't want to go swimming. While they were gone, I broke down crying, and said f--- it. I didn't finish it. Sunday she told me to finish it because I hadn't gotten that much cleaned before I broke down again. It wasn't until I found the letter she sent to me when she was away, basically reminding me that I wasn't good enough for her, that I broke down again. Mum came in to see if I was cleaning or not and when I explained to her why I hated cleaning my room she helped me. We threw the letters away, and basically everything and anything else she gave me.
That was probably the first time my mom really looked around at everything in my room, because she took a look at my mirror and saw everything I wrote on it. Leah told me that whenever I look in the mirror to find something nice about myself and write it down on it. That lasted about two times. After that, I just got frustrated with myself and wrote "stupid mirror's broken." She erased it for me, saying that I wasn't going to have it on there. I was tempted to ask her if I could get rid of it, but I didn't want to worry her.
I haven't really been able to fall asleep so well these days, either. I'm constantly up until about two in the morning, only getting a few hours of sleep before my parents wake me up for school. I can't bring myself to eat breakfast because I'll take two bites of my cereal and feel like I'm going to throw up, and I don't want to waste food, so I just stop. Sometimes my girlfriend will get me to eat lunch, but I physically can't bring myself to do it.
And my girlfriend. She's the most beautiful, amazing person in the world, but I'm being so f---ing stupid. I shouldn't be with her right now. My doctor suggest that I don't, and at first I thought it was stupid, but now I understand why. I should've waited until I was better, like she said I should, before getting involved in a relationship. I can't bring myself to tell her about it though, because I love her and I don't want to leave her. I tried to break up with her once a few weeks ago, but we never really did.
Winters going to be coming soon, and everything I used to love about winter is just totally gone from my mind. I f---ing hate winter with a burning passion, now. f--- christmas, f--- new years, none of it is the same, now as it was when I was younger.
I just wish that I had never made friends in the sixth grade .I had no friends then, and once the end of the year hit, I started becoming more social. That was probably where most of my mistakes started, when I was eleven and thought that maybe I would like myself more if I could get others to like me. When you make friends they will either stab you in the front or you will hurt them beyond beliefs. If I had never made friends, then maybe I wouldn't be so down. Or maybe I would be dead already and not have to worry about any of this, I don't know.
oh and for f---s sake, I dont' want to be called Ann anymore. Not Ann, not Anne, not Annie; give me any name besides that. I can't f---ing stand that name anymore. -
my f---ing kidney man
why -
post for new paggggeeeeee
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okay come on two more
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I'll help with that.
Omf, chu back though?? -
BA BAM PAGE CLAIM
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s---
and yes I'm back ^~^ for, now anyway xD waiting for school to decide to kill me again. f---ing a;dklfjs -
Oops, sorry, stole your page. xP
Yee, I'm glad. I have somebody to speak to again, for now anyway~ dawh, I see
xP -
you little bish ;-;
School, always so wonderful x3 -
Wehh, sorry. I won't do it again ;-;
Okay, that's probably a lie but, whatever.
Haha totally~ Don't we all just love it? we finish in one more week though, which is about f---ing time. -
meanie ;-; xD
wft I just started in August. f--- you and your New Zealand friends ;-; (that's actually really awesome though, sooner to getting out of the HELL HOLE) -
X3 dawh, I'm gonna have to go cry now ;-;
Haha, just come and live down here with me then~ (Yaas, exactly) -
you deserve it you jerk 3:
yes :D I will live with you in the summer down there, and then we can come back to America and live in the summer up here :D because f--- the system -
Wehh, so cruel ;-;
Yass. Sounds like a plan :D but what about the money for the trips? Are we going to like, sell drugs, become prostitues? Or maybe even become hitmen? -
I know, I know. I am so ashamed of myself ;-;
Hmm, True. How could I forget? D: (we could be sexy hitmen ;D)
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