I'm just going to post my poems here..
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Thread Topic: I'm just going to post my poems here..
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When I met you I didn't really pay attention to the great things you did..
When you left I realized everything you sacrificed for me..
When I had you close I wouldn't do anything to make you happy..
Now that you're gone I wanna make it up to you..
When I fell you would take my hand and tell me everything was going to be okay as you lifted me up..
As for me I let you lay there.. Kicking you..
When you were with me.. All you did was stop the bleeding..
Now my blood flows out of my body.. Slowly.
When I cried you took my tears away..
But when you cried I made them worse..
When you left you took my happiness..
As I did all these years..
When you left more scars appeared on my arms..
Please don't do the same..
When you left I saw all you ever dud was take away the pain..
But what else do you expect? I made more pain for you..
When you left you cried.. And said to be happy..
I didn't care at that time.. I never really knew how much I loved you.. I never wished for you to be happy as well..
When you looked me in the eye..
I turned away..
When you would whisper things in my ears..
I would get up and walk away..
When you came up to me and said,"I love you"
I laughed and said,"Okay"
Now that you're gone..
I daydream of what our lives would be if I understood how much I needed you..
How important you were to me.. At that time.. And even now.. I want you to be happy..
With someone else.. Better than me.. -
Now I see your face so delicate in my distant memories..
I never wished for this to happen..
I never intended to hurt you..
I'm sorry..
Trust me I know this wont be enough..
It never will..
You're gone..
Dead..
I couldn't take your pain away..
So you took care of things..
The only way you thought was possible..
I cry at night..
Scream and apoligies to mid air..
But what good is it now?!
I think to myself..
If I would of gotten there sooner..
I could've stopped you..
I know it's not my fault..
But why does it feel as if it was anyway?
My life is draining away..
As it did with yours..
With every second that goes by without you..
I never understood your pain..
At least until now..
But what good is now?
When you needed me I didn't know how to banish your pain..
I wish I would wake up from this bad dream..
Besides you and smile and say this was just a nightmare..
But no..
It's reality..
You were taken from me..
I know I would've done Anything to prevent this from happening..
Why do I blame myself..
Why..?
I pray at night for god to take me with you..
So we can be reunited once more..
Would you like that..?
Would you like for us to be together once more..?
I'm going crazy without you..
Why..
They tell me everything will be okay..
But no..
They do not understand this kind of pain..
Like i once didn't with yours..
Maybe if I pray harder..
My dream will come true..
And we will be together..
Maybe.. -
You know what I said, Everything that hurt you?
I didn't mean it.
You know when I hurt you?
I wasn't aware.
You know when you left?
I died.
You know everything I said, about me loving you?
I meant it.
You know when I saw you cry?
It broke my heart.
You know when you fell?
I tried to get you to stand up.
You know I regret everything?
I really do.
You know I can't go to the places we went together?
I can't stand to see our memories, without you.
You know I can't sleep at night, thinking of you?
I know you don't care.
You know that I'm sorry?
I know it's too late.. -
Being away from you, is hell it's self..
And being near you, is something I can't stand..
It's difficult to put to words..
Because I know I can never have you..
What's that point to make up a dream..
And know that it will never happen..?
I can never have you..
And it kills me to know that..
Because I love you..
With all my heart and soul..
Nothing's gonna make this right again..
Nothing will be the same..
I was to stupid to see the results of my actions..
And this is how I'm going to pay them..
I hurt you..
And that, I will never forgive myself for..
I was so caught up in my stupid damn head to see I wasn't protecting you the way I thought..
Nonetheless I was hurting you..
Me..
Not him..
Not her..
But your stupid lover..
I'm sorry.. :/
I lost you..
For my stupid actions..
I was the one I should've looked out for..
Not them..
I was the monster all along..
The day you left..
My heart fell into a million pieces..
And guess what..?
Even with my heart broken down to small pieces..
I still miss you..
There's no day that goes on that I don't think about you..
The day you left..
I realized how much I needed you..
How important you were to me..
I'm trying to be happy..
Wearing a smile..
But it's all just to painful..
Everywhere I go I see your face..
And I realize how much I miss you..
But.. You will always have a place inside of my heart..
Always.. -
PAIN.
You know the kind of pain where you feel light headed?
You know the kind of pain where your heart starts racing?
You know the kind of pain where you feel like someone just knocked the air out of your lungs?
You know the kind of pain where you start to see blurry dew to the tears in your eyes?
You know the kind of pain where your head starts throbbing?
You know the kind of pain where you just want to end it all?
You know the kind of pain you will burry deep inside of your heart?
You know the kind of pain that no one will ever see because they're just to fooled by your mask?
You know the kind of pain where everything is just too much?
You know the kind of pain that will forever remain silent...? -
Torture.
I'm sorry I'm not what you wanted...
I'm sorry I always let you down..
I'm sorry I'm not enough for you...
Sometimes I wish I we're gone...
Never should've met you..
I know I'm not perfect but I'm always trying to please you..
For what? Anyway.. I seem not to meet your standards..
You're killing me..
Torturing me little by little..
Don't make me suffer anymore...
Just point the gun to my head and kill me..
My scars on my arm proof how much I love you...
Isn't that enough ...?
Me loving you..?
What else do I need to do...?
Tell me and I'll try to please you once more...
Make me understand you...
I promise to try my hardest to comprehend you..
Just tell me what to do..
I don't know anymore..
You're so hard to understand now...?
Is it my fault?!
I'll change I swear just let me be with you..
You don't have to be with me..
I mean you made it clear enough that I'm nothing...
Go and be happy..
My happiness is seeing you smile..
And I can never do that..
So it's better if you go.. -
Is it just me or does reality suck? I mean it's beautiful when your having the time of your life, with the person who will always put a smile on your face no matter what.When you have them close enough to hug to kiss... Cuase happiness last only so long... But what happens when that reality suddenly turns to one where that person is gone in a heartbeat? What happens when that person took all of your strength? Your heart is broken, yet you have no other choice other than to stay like that. Why? becuase your mine shuts down. It's as if your dead, theres no life inside of you. They say we forget memories becuase we found new ones. But what about if you can't replace them? Because your no longer living.. What happens when your light in the world of darkness is fading? So many questions you don't have the answers too. Your going crazy without that special person. What happens when your life ends.. And all your life flashes infront of you. You relive every moment in your life in the split of a second. Yet you still manage to stay the longest moments with that special person. And even before you die, in your last breath you say I love you..
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I've worked so hard trying to pull myself up from the ground. But every time I was on the clouds, I fell down. A pain hits my chest every time I shed a tear. I'm always walking on ice. I rise just to fall again. I step fore ward just to take two steps back. I smile, just to keep my eyes from flooding with tears. I gain strength just to become weaker each time. I'm a lost soul, In a wold I hate. I used to say life, but now it just feels like hell. And sometimes hell is an understatement. You think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay. I'm stone cold. I'd rather feel nothing than more pain. I fear life.. But worst of all I fear my thoughts. I'm roaming through life with no directions. I've been trapped in a web of depression. I search for the light but each day I see it further away. They say it's always darkest before dawn, but it's been dark for far too long
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Wasn't it enough? To hurt me that bad?! You didn't care then, I don't think you care now.You didn't care when the trigger snapped and my life ended. Now you cry and say you want me back? When I most need you, you back was facing me. I was drowning in my own tears. I met a world of darkness. Even then when I was alive, I was dead in your eyes. I was another prisoner of depression, Like so many other people. I always thought, "Maybe if I was perfect, you'd love me" Guess now we wont know. I hear you cry at night. Scream and apoligize to mid air.. The life I had was a complete nightmare. Living Hell. But even through all of that I Forgive you. I'll leave and rest, and you can continue with your life, without me.
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I saw a person standing infront of me, with a painful look on his face. He copied my every move. I looked into his eyes, tears falling down. I felt my cheecks wet, for I was too, crying. I became more aware of his timing towards my reactions. Now Afraid I stepped back, for he also did the same. I looked once more into his eyes, I saw a lifeless creature roaming through life alone. I soon realised the person infront of me seemed familiar, for it was a mere reflection of myself.
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My biggest fear Is something so simple.
It is not human.. No..
I do not fear a person.
Now what is something that can't physically harm me so horrendous?
I, myself don't possibly know the answer..
For my biggest fear is indeed myself..
Yes me.
My mind.
I fear my thoughts.
Now some people are not aware of what a human mind is capable of..
As for me, am one of these people..
That is my fear.
I'm not sure what my mind is capable of..
Nor do I intend to find out.. -
As my eyes dart with pure guilt, I can feel a feeling of sadness, creeping into me.. Unexplainable yet something I've always felt..
But as I plead with all my heart, soul and the last bit of strength I may have; I know my apology isn't merely enough to recover the suffering she's going through..
Can I really be the reason for ones tortured tears?
Am I really the blame for ones departure?
I beg for one to take mercy upon my troubled soul,
Yet I know everything that will be thrown at me,
Won't be enough to cover up this fractured wound,
I left on her heart -
No no this can't be true!
Tell me it wasn't you..
Tell Me that isn't your blood on that knife..
Tell me you didn't end you're life..
I wish I could have cried with you in sorrow..
I wish you had given be until tomorrow..!
I know it's not okay..
But I can't do nothing about yesterday..
You died..
I can never be by your side..
You're strength away drained..
I'm the only one to be blamed
You broke this heart on my chest..
But the choice you made.. I respect.
I want to go and make a crime..
I think I'm loosing my mind..
Outside was black as night..
It was time to start the fight.
I lost..
And death was the cost..
My fear
Was silenced by the years.. -
But as the unbearable pain sweeps me within its self,
I feel myself fade into the darkness of the night,.
I find myself become stone rock.
A phase I unfortunately know too well.
Numbness.
My everyday mask, is dissolving with every step I take.
That can't be good.
I don't want to continue this pain.
Yet I don't want to be a coward and end it.
Is a coward one, who isn't afraid to fall but is afraid to not have the strength to get up.?
Or one who won't even try because they're petrified of failing..?
All I know is that we get one life.
One precious life.
Even though I'm in hell..
I must find enough courage to go on..
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