I'm just going to post my poems here..
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:22pm
Thread Topic: I'm just going to post my poems here..
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I love your poems, HG, and I miss speaking to you :3
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@SG Aw, thanks. :D I miss talking to you too. :P
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You're a really beautiful and emotional writer :)
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@Ange Aw, Thanks. :) This made my day. :P
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A Promise
Cause I don't know when I started to slip away, maybe it was years ago or months away. I look in the mirror and don't recognize, the monster who is staring back. I don't know who's red eyes those are or that sad look. Theres no trace of a smile, no trace of life. The only thing you may find, is the trace of tears and scars. A million thoughts pop into my mind, all of them consisting on how to die. I wanna jump off a building, just to see if I can fly. I wanna play with that knife that made your younger sister die! I look to the side, a bottle of pills catching my eye. I look to the left, a gun, a trigger pleading to be used. I wanna run away, somewhere far, somewhere only I know. My life has been nothing but a blur. Everything happens for a reason. I guess this is how it's supposed to go- clutching the past, too scared to embrace the future. What happened to the kid you were, to the person who swore to stay? I 've been trying so hard, but it's never enough. Why does life have to be so cruel, why am I always such a fool? I'm too tired to try anymore, I'll go lay in bed, thinking nomore. I'll just give up, and let it win, once again. One more night of this won't hurt. But, I promise that tomorrow will be enough. I promise that tomorrow I'll sharpen the knife two times, I'll make sure the gun has bullets. I promise to check the bottle for pills and I promise to learn how to fly.
-L.I.E_E.I.L
-L.H.N.G
4/27/13 -
Sunrise Park
It was through Sunrise Park that I first saw you. A petite figure walking alone in the early spring. I saw how you would sway your hips from side to side. I wasn't really sure what brought my attention towards you, if it was either that brunette hair or that sweet smile.
I approached you asking you a dumb question, but hey! It seemed to get your attention. I could feel myself smiling like an idiot, trying to hide my blushing cheeks. We seemed to talk that day for hours. Once it came down to go you gave me your number and we decided to meet once again tomorrow.
I was walking home like a little kid finally getting what they wanted. That night I was too excited to sleep. We met, the next day and it seemed impossible. But somehow we kept on talking and we kept on going to the park.
We became good friends but that wasn't enough. I needed you like I needed air, like an addict needed its addiction. Our constant meet ups became a routine.
After a good month or so, I asked you to a date. You agreed gladly, I found myself, once again smiling like a fool and blushing.
We went on our little date through the park, both smiling and stealing glances of each other every now and then.
We went through the park, stopping for ice cream. Once we ordered, our feet took us to the spots where we first met.
You kept on teasing me, telling me that I saw a 'Dummy' for asking you the question, I had asked. I gave you an innocent look, as you flicked my hair.
The rest of the date went by, and soon enough it was time to go.
We texted each other nonstop, as days passed, they soon grew to months. Months in which I spent loving you like no other, we talked and we met in the park.
We basically lived in the park, you were going through a rough time, I had no idea what to do, other than to offer my company, "to be there" as they say.
More days pass, and more months formed. We went on several more dates, enough to call you my own.
Our first kiss was soft and lovely. Something out of a fairy tale.
Every Anniversary we went to the park. We would go there, no matter what the weather was like. We would set up a picnic and just eat, always giggling and holding hands.
We often went with friends to the park, and every time I set a foot there was like I fell in love with you all over. We never noticed that every time we went to the park, it would soon become a memory, one in which I wanted to always share with you. I was glad it was you.
We fell completely in love. It was what I always imagined. The first time I saw my reflection in your chocolate color eyes, I knew you were the one.
Years went by and somehow we managed to stay together, through college, through rough times, through good times, our relationship seemed to only grow stronger. I was happy with that.
Nothing seemed to break us apart. We were in our twenties, I remember when I asked you to be mine for the rest of our lives. Sure enough, we were in the park. You glady accepted but not before squealing like a five year old. I was kneeling down, looking at your cute, petite figure. We told eachother how much we loved one another and I put the ring on your finger. We walked hand in hand, giggling about anything.
We planned our wedding, the perfect wedding, our perfect wedding. We got married at the park, the exact day we had met eachother.
We had our whole lives ahead. We wanted children, we wanted grandchildren, we both had careers, all we had to do was get started. And that's exactly what we did. We got eachother settled down and started working. Once we thought we were ready we had kids. Each weekend we would go to the park, we would still walk hand in hand, but now we made sure to push the stroller.
We grew older, our kids grew older, and before we knew it, they had kids of their own. Nothing could break us. Nothing physical anyway.
Still on our Anniversary's we would go to the park. And I swear that everytime we intered the park, everytime we would follow the narror trail, everytime we walked hand and hand, everytime we giggled and everytime I saw my reflection in your eyes my love for you grew. I could not even begin to imagine a life without you. A life without my love.
The older we grew the more my love for your grew. I became sick after a while. It was hard watching you suffer from my bedside in the hospital. It was hard hearing you cry when you thought I was asleep. It was hard watching our children look at me the way they did. It was hard when I knew I had very little left and there was nothing I could do about it.
I missed you, I missed holding you, I missed waking up with you by my side, I missed preparing your favorite meals. I missed suprising you but worst of all I missed going to the park with you, with our children. I didn't want the end to be one where I could no longer be myself, I didn't want to die and wish to be in the park.
I begged the nurses and doctors to let me go to the park with you, even if it was time to say goodbye. I wanted our goodbye to be on the park. That's what we did. We went to the park, our kids told us they would wait by the spot we had met. We agreed as we took the trail, we walked hand in hand. We got to the spot where we had met and I remember myself falling, finding it hard to breathe, you were panicking but I didn't want you to. I wanted to tell you how happy I was. How happy I was to have had spent my whole life with you. I wanted you to know that I was glad that I had asked you that stupid question and that I was glad that I would die this way, becuase I had the best life anyone could ask for. I had loved, I had everything because I had you, everything got better when we had our kids, and they had their kids. I was happy I was dying in the park, in the spot we had met. But I couldn't tell you all of that becuase I could feel myself trying so hard to open my eyes.
I could see your lips moving, but I could hear nothing. Once I closed my eyes I saw nothing. But I had died happy. That's all I had asked for.
Now as I sit here and watch you from heaven I can see how hard it is to be without me but what you don't understand is that I'm right their with you, just not physically. I'm in your heart. And we will soon see eachother. We will soon be able to hug and kiss eachother. In that moment I will tell you everything about the park that is here. And I swear our story will only get better once you're here with me. We will fall in love with eachother all over again, like we used to in Sunrise Park.
-L.I.E_E.I.L
-L.H.N.G
4/29/13 -
Remembering Her Suicide
And on this warm summer day when the wind caressed her deceased body, and when the day grew to night and the night to day.. People will remember her suicide.
They will never forget how lonely she was.
The type of loneliness only felt when you were in a room full of people.
The type that is never found even if searched for, for a long time.
They will remember her last words.. Her suicide note.
Only a few phrases long.
Words with so much meaning.. Yet meaningless in the ears of who chose to not listen.
Just words who are merely forgotten to those who never cared. A few phrases.
Maybe ten sentences long.
The torn up page, with bloody tears and many secrets hold those few words.
On the stained note, with small delicate writing were the words of not a quitter but of a warrior to tired to fight.
-I've tried. I've tried so many times. Too many times to count. I can't anymore. A sorry won't heal what I'm about to do. But I'll apologize anyway. I'm sorry. To those who cared and to those who were to afraid to show a bit of care. I'm sorry.-
Her note was not easy to find.
Her last thoughts were that If people really cared they would search for a note.
For those who really knew her they would find it.
The note wasn't easy to find.. It wasn't close to her.
Nor was it far.
It was covered by her old teddy bear, the one that laid in the closet.
The closet in which she was now hanging.. Dead.
Her scars now visible. Both on her wrist and on her legs.
Forever will she be remembered on days like these.
Warm summer days with inviting wind.
LIE_EIL -
The Artist
There's nothing wrong.
There's nothing right either.
Maybe there's nothing at all.
Just this pain in my chest.
That will soon be replaced,
By this pain in my wrist.
I'm writing a poem.
This pencil is too sharp on my scarred wrist.
The ink is blood red.
The crimson liquid rolling down in pain.
Though there's a smile on my lips.
My reality is dissolving.
It's dying as I find myself in your arms.
No more scars.
Just like how it used to be.
The liquid is falling out faster.
Making my head spin around.
Killing my dream with you.
Returning me to my reality.
The reality where you walked away.
I'm back to feeling nothing.
A little sting on my new poem.
A new scar on my chest.
A new vision of you.
A new me. -
What Is Love?
Love is when you would give anything and everything for that special person.
It's when your heart races every time you hear their time.
It's when you think about them in the most random times.
It's when you remember the conversations between the two of you and you just smile like a dork.
It's when you don't care what the world thinks of you two as long as both of you are happy.
It's when you look at the question up there and you think of his/her name.
It's when you're happy for the very first time in your life.
It's when all the sadness disappears when you're with them.
It's when they think your scars look amazing on you.
It's when they show you how much they need you. How much they love you. Every day.
It's when they ask you what's the best thing that has happened to you.. You think of them.
It's when you could try to describe this feeling.. But there wouldn't be enough explanations.
It's when you think they're perfect with all their imperfections..
So what's love? I don't know.
The explanations will never be enough.
Now ask me if I believe in it.
Nope I do not.
LIE_EIL -
A Day
A day. A day without you is like a million years without stars to keep a salior from getting lost. A million years without the sun. To keep us warm and alive. That's only a day. It's been a few days now. Just a few. Imagine that. It's like the light never existed. Just the darkness that consumes everything in its path. A few days now. Not many. Not few. What would happen if you were gone for an entire lifetime? The sun would fall. The moon would die. The light would never shine. These beautiful flowers would die along with everything I've ever loved. And this darkness would forever consume me. An entire lifetime without you. My own personal hell. My own torture chain. My own cage. My own destiny..
LIE_EIL -
Fire..
These nights seem to go by endless. The days? They're never ending. I was a warrior, ready to put my hands on fire for you.. But you don't want that. So why am I still preparing myself to get burnt? I don't care if I get gloves to ease the pain. I would do it without them. Just to keep you safe..
LIE_EIL -
Her
And maybe the calendar, too was wrong.
Tomorrow for her never came.
She deperetaley tried and failed each time.
To tame time.
To survive tonight.
To be happy another day.
Every crimsom drop of blood fell from each vein.
All she ever felt was pain.
All the hurt was seen in her delicate blue eyes.
That smile hiding all the lies.
2013-06-17 21:48:41
Each of her flaws,
We're like millions of broken laws.
She wasn't afraid of all of you.
She was just afraid of what you thought was true.
She was a reckless mess.
Someone who just thought as less.
When ever they would hear her name,
They would look at her in shame.
She rose the gun to her head.
A second later she was laying there dead.
LIE_EIL -
Bang
Have you ever had that feeling of running away so far, so far no one would ever find you?
The feeling of being so anxious, so utterly depressed you would do anything to not exist?
I have, I always have had that helpless feeling. Maybe depression pills, possibly theraputic measures would have stopped me.
But we'll never know.
Becuase I'm not here.
And maybe this was the right thing to do, you know?
Possibly this life was just meant for someone else.
Not someone like me.
Why would God send us to suffer?
I can't think of a reason to stop me, or what would have stopped me.
Maybe I would have for my family, my friends.
But then again, who garantees me it won't just get worse?
Who really knows how much more pain I'm going to be in.
Yeah, I'm probably being selfish, but I just don't have enough energy or patience.
Excuse me if I'm wrong, and I'm sorry If I'm being dumb, I'm apalogizing if this is the wrong way to numb the pain.
I guess me waititng to die won't be enough if I'm already dead inside.
The gun is in my hand, the barrel is pointing to my head, my finger on the trigger.. 3,2,1.. I'm sorry.
LIE_EIL -
I Could Hear Their Screams.
I Could Hear Their Innocent Voices Begging For Me To Stop.
But I Couldn't.
The Razor Was Already Too Deep.
And I Was Already Half Way Done.
I Was Alone Though.
Who Was Screaming?
Was It My Brother?
Who Could It Be?
Was It My Mother?
Was It Really Somebody?
I Was Alone With My Silent Screams;
Alone With My Tortured Cries;
Alone With With My Razor Blade;
Alone With Me Half Way Dead.
I Slit My Other Wrist.
In Hope To Put To Rest.
My Head Was Throbbing, My Heart Was Pouding, My Hands Were Shaking,
And My Time Was Ticking.
The Last Thing I Saw Was An Angel Screaming My Name, Telling Me Not To Close My Eyes.
But I Was Already Dead.
LIE_EIL -
These Pills
I'm pacing my room from left to right, right to left.
Maybe I'll leave a trail.
Something to let you know that I did a lot of thinking.
Maybe you'll notice that this wasn't an easy choice.
I did a lot of thinking, and finally I found an answer.
This life just isn't for me.
I'm holding onto these pills.
I can't remember what they're for.
There are no labels.
But does it really matter?
In a few minutes I might as well be dead.
I don't cry, I have no more tears.
I'm wondering if pills will kill me.
I uncrew the cap, the blue pills forcing a wicked laugh.
I'm drowning in sorrow trying to swim in lies.
I put ten to tewnty pills into my mouth, swallowing them whole.
I don't know if I was dreaming but I swear I heard someone said that I had fallen into the trap.
I'm becoming weak.
The world is spinning or is it me?
Pills cannot kill whats already dead.
So why are you screaming, that I had died from suicide?
LIE_EIL
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