SUMMIT: a story by Bvian
Thread Topic: SUMMIT: a story by Bvian
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Nevertheless, out of options and the realization got him back up. His heart and lungs doubled speed as his last bit of adrenaline kicked in. He ran and sprinted towards his target as he felt warmer when he would run. He went faster and faster clocking in at like 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22! Faster in speed, desperate to not give up and die. 23, 24, 25! 25.3, 25.5, 25.6!
Wait.
What is the point if they don’t use these measurements here? And what is the goodness in using the last of your energy freaking doing a sprint to a target that is MILES away? -
Well, let me tell you a secret that Ron does not know. Ron is different than most. He, in the past that he does not know, was a weapon. He was used to do things that he did not want to do. He was…. modified. Yeah, I think that that is a good way of describing it. Modified, and changed. Oh yes, changed. He used to be a slave and a tool. He lived in chains and served a master for dear life. He was a piece of absolute destruction.
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But anyway, back to the story.
Ron sped like a bullet towards his destination, going on now only powered of the memory on the bright sun. The butterflies, flowers, puffy clouds, a few trees, bright blue sky and a bright green and brownish earth, the hope that got him running, like he was going to see it again. -
Now, these feelings were absolute and not differed. They were true. You may find it hard to believe, but think about it like this. Those things are all that he remembered and therefore all he could hope for. You can’t have hope in something you never hoped, knew, felt. Can you? Yes. But Ron did not know anything else.
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He kept running, for 3 hours it looks like. He had to look carefully at how the light had affected his surroundings so that he could get an idea of how the terrain looked.
He ran hoping of a town filled with people. But would anyone be there? Was there anything? After all, it could be a wild fire in a forest or really anything. All Ron had was hope. And as his cold body grew weaker, his hope started to fade.
He got closer, as he could now see the pure colors of the flame! Orange, yellow, gold and red. Ron was amazed! Ron felt excited as he finally felt…. warmth.
As he approached, what he saw made his sense of pride in his accomplishment fade away in a snap. -
That is the end of chapter one, feel free to post now!
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I. SAID. POST.
Idk, I just want feedback on this first chapter -
I like it!! Very well written.
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Thanks. What was the worst part about it? I want to know so that I may make it better. Also, don’t expect anything in the rest of the chapters. I try to make it unpredictable and vivid
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I dunno. I like it all. Maybe the part where you inserted the secret part. It wasn't really part of the story.
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It will be. It was there to foreshadow something that will happen…. But thanks for the feedback! I will think about changing or moving that part, but I have not decided
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Anyone else? I actually need advice…
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[poll.3gqW]
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You guys don’t want it it seems, how can I make it better?
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