I have no life
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:16pm
Thread Topic: I have no life
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I hate myself. I just do, I hate every single detail and thing about myself. I recieved no talent or gifts from my parents. My mom can sew and design, me? I highly doubt I can. My dad can draw, he's an artist, but apparently I'm not following in his footsteps. My parents grew up to be good talented kids who always got A's on everything and their parents would always be proud. Me? I have to struggle and stay up late at nights studying just to get good grades, one time I started crying on the amount of effort I put in studying because of the pain and stress I was getting. I'm not a perfect child. I wasn't born with super powers or super abilites to do everything. People at school have at least ONE thing they are attached to and enjoy, me I have NOTHING. I stay at home all day doing the same crap everyday. I can't play any instruments, I can't sing, I'm not good at sports, I'm not a super-nerd, I can't do anything! Freaking all of you have something you can do. I'm scared of animals, I can't be around them. I run away from dogs and cats like a freaking baby. I'm chicken to go on rides and watch scary videos/movies. People think I'm funny and that I'm not afraid of what others will say about me. And I know that seems really true to a lot of people. It's not, I act funny to hide my terrible anxiety. I have a low self esteem so I put myself down, a lot. Constantly, but I don't show that to people. And for the thing about not caring what people will say about me? That part is true, mostly. I've had horrible and terrible experiences with rumors about me and people talking behind my back and honestly, it hurted me. Here's a story, well there's many stories, but here's one, one time while car pooling home with a 'friend' she told me that nobody at school liked me. She then said all the things people have been saying behind my back. My reaction, "I don't care" on the outside. Inside? Don't ask. This was two-three years ago, and I got over it of course. Because things changed over time. But that day was too horrible to look back, I came home crying and yelling at everyone in my family. I locked myself in the bathroom and sat there thinking there was something wrong with me. There are many things I've kept to myself that I think it's time I should spill...*sigh* since I was little I've been thinking of death. I know I've lied and said that I don't think of that stuff, but sadly, I do. My reputation at school now seems to be cleared and I guess no one cares or remembers about the past, but I still feel crappy inside. I never show my emotions to people, I just do stupid things I expect people to laugh at thinking they won't notice what's up. Which usually works. For the past years I've been trying to stay positive and not give up and tell myself I'm still young and that stuff, but all that is blown off. I have people in my life that should support me, but aren't doing a good job at that. Honestly, I don't think they are even trying. What's making me upset is that I can't stop thinking about death
..suicideit hurts that I'm hiding this from my mom. I want to tell her that I need help, that I can't handle this anymore. But she will freak out. I need help, I need someone. I need to stop these thoughts. I don't want to commit suicide, but I can't stop thinking about it, and how much I want to actually do it. Make it stop. I'm sick of this negative life I've been living. I'm sick of how I've been hiding everything from people. I've never ever EVER told anyone about this, about how much I ACTUALLY want to die. People who I know me in real life that could be reading this, I'm sorry. As for you guys, I'm sorry also.
There's more I could vent about..but I just wanted to get this out first. I'm not planning to kill myself for now, but I do want to tell you guys this before things might get once and I actually plan on it. I need help, once again, I can't hide these thoughts I've been having in the past four years anymore. -
Now most of you are going to say my life isn't that bad and that it will be alright. But I KNOW that. That's the thing, I know that and yet I'm just too negative and still having those death thoughts, that's why I think I need help. There's something wrong with me :|
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Theres nothing wrong with u, lil. But i think u should talk to someone over there, it will make u feel better, trust me...
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Im sorry.
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lilly, this isn't to stroke your ego or give you false assurance, you are WONDERFUL. You've been such a great friend to me and make my day brighter.
I know what you're going through, I went through it just a year ago, in Hawaii. It's like you can't tell people what you're feeling and they wouldn't even understand anyway. But don't give up your life. You have a reason to be here, a reason to live, even if you don't know it yet. Your existence isn't a mistake, it's a beautiful miracle. Don't throw it away.
So you don't know exactly what your talents are at the moment? I didn't when I was 13. I know you have passions though, like the ocean and even basketball. Just because you're not doing great at something at the moment doesn't mean you can't do it. Practice and have fun with it! I just started picking up drawing seriously a year ago. And I was terrible. But I keep going and when you see your improvement it's a wonderful feeling. ^^
Basically what I'm trying to say in all this, I love you girl and I'm here for you, in whatever you need. I know I'm just an online person but whatever I can do to help I will. Don't worry, life is hard but has great parts too. -
wow lil, thats a lot of stuff thats really hard to tell anyone.
ok, so i was in pretty much the exact same situation a few years ago. it sucked so much. like i hated my life and everything and everyone and i felt like dying would be the only way out of it. i sure as hell didnt tell anyone, and i even tried to commit suicide.. and its really hard to talk about it now even a few years later.
but i have no idea how i got over that, so i dont know what advice i can give you. i pretty much just bulls---ted my way through a couple years, telling myself to wait and see if things get better. even since then, things didnt really get better till this summer.
Lil, you're awesome I love you I think youre a great person. so just never give up. -
Thank you people
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youre welcome, lil. *hugs*
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Wow alot of that is happening to me also. Except for school was a little different but I've told that story before
I'm sorry you have to go through that :/ -
Having death thoughts doesn't mean anything is wrong with you, just your current situation.
Just saying suicide isn't worth it (I read the post, but I'm tired, so if I missed something and this isn't about suicide this will be irrelevant).
I tried a few years ago, obviously I failed, but it was because I remembered I still had chores to do.
Sounds like a silly reason to stop trying to kill myself, but on a larger scale, it's a great reason.
Even if you feel completely worthless like I did that day, remember that things can change even over a few minutes.
I'm still thankful I didn't do it. -
*hugs Carla back*
Thanks Appay and Harp. And I'm glad you didn't do it either Appa.
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