Vent thread I'll probably forget about
Thread Topic: Vent thread I'll probably forget about
-
Yeah :')
Thanks. I got a therapy appointment on Monday tho, so I should be fine -
The Gospel Library app: Hey look at us we're so modern, we have a section for learning about trans people/if you are one! Look at us!
Also the Gospel Library app: Not using gender-neutral language in ANY of the articles about trans people
Also there's some nice articles about how they will never be accepted/ will be accepted as long as they "don't transition medically or socially" which basically just means "haha never come out lolz" -
Note to self: Next time you have to get tested for a temple recommend (a pass to go to the temple and help dead people go to heaven and do other stuff) just tell them you're trans. Ik you tried it this year and you got too scared to admit to mister Karen that yes, you have indeed socially transitioned, so go suck a lemon, but if you do it this year:
1 You can come out to your neighborhood, so yay but also you'd be banned from hanging out with like half of your friends so there's that. Maybe just tell him that you've socially transitioned, but that he shouldn't out me to anyone? Eh, that's kinda counterproductive
2 You can get your temple recommend rejected so that way you don't have to go to the temple anymore, and then you can slowly tell your parents something about if you're not worthy enough to get a recommend, you're not worthy enough to go to church and then you might be able to skip
3 You get to see the look of horror on the bishops face again and god knows I love making old people uncomfy when it comes to gay s---
4 If he says dumb s--- like he did this year about 'acting on your emotions' you can tell your parents and either get pulled out of church because I don't want to go to church with someone like that or I get to cause neighborhood drama -
So we learned about s*x ed in church (we learned about the LaW oF cHaStiTy also I'm sorry if I'm breaking any rules with this post lol), which means we inevitably talked about gays and even trans people and we got papers and were able to ask anonymous questions on them and the bishop would answer and here are my thoughts:
1 Whoever wrote the "is having dysphoria a sin and if so how can I stop it?" question. If you are genuine about this, I'm very proud of you, feel free to talk to me about it whenever :). If you said that as a joke, screw you, 3 different leaders and 7 different kids asked me if I wrote it so tHaNk yOu
2. One of the teachers said a sluuuuur so yeaaaah (the slur is the really outdated term for intersex people that nobody has said in a positive/scientific light since AGES)
3. The man that said the slur is the same guy that after I came out as trans and gay to him during the temple recommend test, sat in horrified silence and then said: "Well as long as you don't act on your emotions-" and gave me the recommend
4. We had to read the family proclimation which mentions that "marriage is between a man and a woman only" and that "the genders are essential" and "god made you a male or female for a reason" and my dad noticed me and some of the closeted kids were getting upset and called the guy talking out on it like a hero
5. a few of the kids noticed I was getting upset after that and told me that they weren't sure if I was going to strangle him, disassemble his molecules, start silently crying, or just raise my hand and ask about if god created intersex people 'for a reason'
6. The speaker asked my dad after if I was gay and trans and my dad said: "Yeah. And not to break trust with the other or anything, but they're not the only one, so how you talk about those things will determine how they all view you and this church. Use that information as you will, but I'd get my act together if I were you"
7. I called out the bishop as he was talking about civil marriage verses temple marriage because he said: "God sees civil marriage as permission to do the deed, but temple marriage will take you to the highest part of heaven" and I raised my hand and went: "Sir, if civil marriage is still seen as marriage by god, then explain to me why gay people can't have s*x according to you, even if they're civilly married." and one of the girls that I thought was SUPER homophobic walked up to me and went: "Dude I would never have the courage to say that. You're a real one, dude."
8. One of the kids wrote in the cards asking if being trans and/or a lesbian made you a sinner, and istg EVERYONE that knows I'm trans in the church looked at me and mouthed 'did you write that?' so much that I had to pull out the paper I was given and prove to them that not only did I not write that card, but I didn't turn it in or even write anything on it.
9. There could potentially be at least 3 other trans kids in my church that HAVENT TOLD MEEEEE -
I wrote the bible you guys- mwahaha the irony
Also if Jesus died for all our sins then he felt gender dysphoria and homosexuality before he died soooo >:D -
lmfaoo i mean like, he may as well have- xD
-
Yeah
OMG HE PROBABLY ALSO FELT RELIGIOUS TRAUMA HOLY s--- -
XDDDD i could see that tbh
-
Omfg that sounds like a fanfic
Hear me out: God is non binary (or agender, either one lol), Jesus is either a trans man or a trans woman and also had crushes on all his apostles/roommates, and he suffers with HEAVY religious trauma
So basically the book Hell Followed With Us but with a non binary god- -
Every time people mention stuff about trans people in my religion I keep remembering that f---ing nightmare.
Jesus christ that nightmare actually broke me... All the dreams I had in February were unhinged and scarring, good god
I'd like it if nobody responds to this post, please :) -
Please don't respond to this next post. I'm posting this so I can show it to my therapist tomorrow in case I can't put it into words.
Alrighty, here's the nightmare. It really wasn't that bad, I'm just being an overreacting dumb---, but here you go:
My dad was in my room, sitting on the chair by my desk, having one of tHoSe tALks when 'they're not mad, just disappointed' and s---. He started talking, but it wasn't words he would usually say. Like, you've met my dad, you know what he's like.
He told me that no matter what I said or even thought, I was and always will be a daughter of God so I better act like it or else I might as well pack my bags to hell right now. I had this dream right after going to the Florida temple, and I'm pretty sure I already told you EVERYTHING that went down there.
And then at FSY we were talking about how God talks to you and has revelations in dreams and it just resurfaced and now I can't get the f---ing nightmare out of my head and I'm scared I'll have another, even worse dream about it and I wanted to do-you-know-what and the f---ing voice keeps coming back telling me I'm going to hell whenever I do anything, and it's only been 4 days of this but it keeps coming back stronger and the inner transphobia in my head is only getting worse, but it's only towards me for some reason, like every other trans person I meet is awesome and beautiful and perfect and I'm just a delusional freak of a girl and LUCAS REMEMBER TO SHOW HER THE BOOK YOU GOT SO SHE CAN SEE WHAT YOU WROTE DOWN -
POV you told your therapist about the nightmare you had and she types something on her computer, gives me a piece of paper called Change Your Nightmares: a Step-By-Step xD
Also I showed her my vent papers and she went: "I don't want to say you're having an OCD spiral because you never got diagnosed with OCD... But this is an OCD spiral. And it has symptoms of religious OCD. Do you want to get retested?" -
Also fun little fact: She thinks I have ADHD producing anxiety, but there's so much anxiety being built that it's masking the ADHD. She said it's either that or I just have autism hidden in the form of social anxiety and the ADHD symptoms. Both of these make sense, especially the first one since it's becoming more and more common in my family as my cousins grow up and take the adult mental health tests and realized they weren't broken, they were just taking anxiety medication instead of ADHD medication, and the ADHD medication worked MUCH more effectively. Since more and more people in my family are figuring this out about themselves, it's possibly genetic.
She also mentioned that I might either have OCD or depression that treads the waters of OCD because of the patterns in it. Or both.
Today was a good therapy session -
Oh also this isn't a vent but it happened in therapy so like
My therapist: So... Anything else happened?
Me: No... Well... I did make a new slur for queer people...
My therapist: Oop, what is it?
Me: A button up. Because every queer person ever has at least 5 of them
My therapist: *after several moments of thinking* Oh my god you're right, I've never noticed that before. I mean, you're wearing a flannel right now though, you hypocrite
Me: I know... That's how my friends knew I was gay. I wore flannels every day when I was 12.
Moral of the story: call gays button ups -
…. Goddamn it I own a button up-
And I have flannel pyjamas I’m not sure if that sounds but like-
Post a reply as a guest or Log In
REMEMBER:
- Do not harass or insult other people. Treat others how you'd like to be treated.
View all 10 forum rules
- Do not harass or insult other people. Treat others how you'd like to be treated.
View all 10 forum rules
