Safe Place
- Locked due to inactivity on Feb 4, '24 3:54am
Thread Topic: Safe Place
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awg it’s both nostalgic n sad looking back at gtq like two or three years or sum ago cuz there’s like a bajillion users that jus disintegrated into thin air
now all of them are replaced n gtq’s still growing :( -
like there used to be jus like maybe 30-40 users n i think there was like 20 or sum active users but now i feel like the numbers went up n a lot of the ones we knew left
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I have 30 of them somewhere on discord
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there’s no intents to existence, you just are. and then that leaves people circling repeatedly trying to find something, anything, to be their purpose
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i feel like a mistake. ive been so much of a burden that sometimes i just feel as if it would be better if i just never existed in the first place
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child support is one example. hurting friendships is another. being a waste of space makes it a trio
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i really want to do some good but im not sure how or what to do. ive had basic decency, but doesn’t everyone, even the rudest of people?
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i just keep stepping backwards. im scared that im never going to grant progression. instead im just repeatedly trust falling; the times i expect someone to catch me, nobody does. and when i don’t want anyone to catch me and just let me submerge into the abyss of self hatred, someone does, which does makes it all the more dubious in the sense that i feel like a burden to those around me. and now im just walking backwards, because i can’t go up or down or forwards.
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i want to die. but wouldn’t that be a burden too? ive tried it before and i got sent to therapy, took antidepressants, anxiety medication, sleep medication, even a mental hospital. all that adds up to is a bill; it doesn’t cure anything, it just temporarily stables the mindset by closing down the nervous system
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it’s so weird how people feel selfish for feeling sad but fine when they’re happy. the human brain is a weird thing
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brings back to the ‘human mind focuses on negatives’ concept. i think it’s to humble us because humans are naturally narcissistic
anyone could walk by the positives but once any negatives are used against them, it won’t leave their minds for days -
same goes for supportive systems, as in friends or family or anyone who supports you. they could compliment you on a daily, remind you consistently that someone cares, yet you still get this awful weighing dread on your shoulders that continuously harbors the thoughts that nobody would care if you evanesce into thin air
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i should be more mindful. my mother cares about me; even if nobody else would give a passing thought about my wellbeing, she does, and i do to her. i appreciate her a lot for everything she’s done for her children, i respect her a lot, especially considering how rough a past she’s had
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also brings to mind how people don’t listen to elders because they think ‘my life is my life, i don’t need to listen to anyone’s advice, ill change it when i want’. thing is, everyone has the same thoughts, the same mindset, the same demeanor at least one point in their lives. elders’ words should at least be taken into consideration considering the tedious years they’ve experienced
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that’s why i started taking consideration into my mother speaking about god. she’s experienced a lot more than i have, and i know she’s not lying when she tells me the things god has shown her
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