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- Locked due to inactivity on Feb 27, '21 3:54am
Thread Topic: ...
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I am so tired of the tug of war that is constantly going on in my head. I have no idea which side is winning, nor which side I want to win. Every time I pick a side, I always end up losing. The frustration is starting to manifest again. Last time that happened, everyone hated me. Someitmes my anger can not be controlled. But that does not seem to matter to anyone. Why is everyone else allowed to go through cold phases, but when I do it, I'm the scum of the Earth?
It does anger me when I feel that people notice my change in behavior, but never ask me what's wrong. Do people really see me in such a light? That being rude and constantly upset at everyone is my normal behavior?
If that does not make someone a horrible person, I do not know what does. -
My life wasn't that bad. I need to stop being so depressed about my "trauma" that probably did not even happen. Am I even depressed? It's not like I remember much. I do not understand how someone can be like me, with no real baggage on them. Sometimes I want to purposely put myself in a horrible situation to create trauma, so I actually have something to be upset about. It would be more validating for me.
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I wish I was at the normal level of those that are my age. I should be more independent, but as I've grown, I have only become more dependent. I'm a pathetic person who needs to rely on others because I am not strong enough or skilled enough to do things myself. I follow people around like a lost puppy.
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I know. Sometimes I feel sad and then I'm like "Ugh, I shouldn't be sad! Other people have it far worse." While it's good to remember that, that doesn't mean your feelings and problems are insignificant. They still matter and you still matter, so it's okay to feel how you feel.
Is there anything that makes you happy? Maybe you could try something kind of therapeutic and relaxing, like coloring or something. Just something to take your mind off of things. A good idea is to narrow down the origin of the problem. Once you know WHY you feel the way you feel, you can change things and have a better life.
I'm rooting for you! If you ever need to talk, just reach out to me. -
Thank you Spice.
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I want to stay up and be upset all night, but I have to wake up at 10 AM tomorrow.
My brother said that he doesn't like that I never look up from my phone, but my phone is my biggest distraction from everything that has been bothering me. It makes me look bad, but I'd rather look like I don't care than suffer in my own thoughts. -
I do not like that my therapist says I'm strong, when it's not true. I get words of encouragement is her job, but I think the reality is important as well. I run away from my problems, I don't face them.
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Funny that someone who values honesty lies so much. I probably should have just said that I was in a really bad place and that having to write words of affirmation about myself made it ten times worse and it made me cry.
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I really thought I was becoming my own person. But any time someone gives me an opinion, I agree with them. And when someone talks to me disagreeing with that person in private, I agree with them. But I genuinely do agree. I don't really understand why I can't form my own opinion.
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The lady who called for DMH scared me. She had such a nasty tone and now I'm scared my application will be denied because I was too afraid to tell her what my problem was.
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I am still very upset about the situation with my mother, and it is definitely impacting my eating habits. I have been trying really hard to lose weight, because I need to. But ever since that conversation with her happened, I have been eating nonstop and gaining all of the weight I have been trying to lose back.
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I love stressing out my grandmother by being a failure who has to transfer. Seriously guys, I absolutely love being the disappoint I thought I was when I was child because my parents left. I love this. I love life.
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I want to be the best at everything, instead of being the worst at everything. Why can't I do anything right? No matter what I do, I'm simply not happy. My perfectionism has ruined any hobby I attempt.
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I hate him, I really do. He needs to stop leeching off my family and move out. He b----es and moans about how he hates everyone, and yet does nothing. When he had a job, he could've saved his money up, and gotten a tiny apartment.
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I was ignored at the walk. I'm growing more dependent and upset. I was doing well, but it all just stopped. Typical me behavior. I need more medication, I'm barely on anything.
This week is going to be difficult, I can feel it.
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