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- Locked due to inactivity on Feb 27, '21 3:54am
Thread Topic: ...
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Everyone seems so upset at me. I don't understand. Am I doing something wrong? It scares me, because whenever I go into a dark place everybody seems constantly pissed and fed up with me. I thought I was doing better socially and mentally, but now that everything's crashed down, everyone is so upset???? Is it because I refuse to talk to them privately about it?
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What if everyone is getting bored with me? I haven't really had anything interesting to share. Or anything to really say at this point in time. I'm becoming quite robotic with what I say.
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I always try to be fun and interesting and unique, but that doesn't mean I'm any of those things. Especially the last two. Maybe they figured out I'm like a broken record, repeating the same things over and over again and they're sick of it? I need to change it up a bit I think.
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Maybe I'll talk to my mind friends, they always understand. I haven't seen them in awhile.
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I cried a lot today. I'm starting to feel better. We're watching My Neighbor Totoro for my cousin. I feel a little more stable, but I'm just so upset. I can't pay attention in groups anymore. It's only been three weeks and I'm already lacking motivation. I thought I'd be honest about my feelings, because these people don't know me, but I still can't bring myself to talk about my feelings.
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I'm having such a hard time and I want to die, but everyone else in a bad place so it'd be awfully selfish of me to talk to them about it.
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My phone charger is no longer working, so I don't know how I'm going to be at my zoom calls. And my therapy appointment is tomorrow.
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I mean, I don't care about the groups, but my therapy session is something I need. Grandma is going to be angry.
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I talked to grandma and she said I don't have to go today. I really don't think a period could do this much emotional damage. But I don't have to go to group so I'm happy.
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I don't like that they called me out at group for my lack of confidence. It made me feel like I was the only one there because they were solely talking to me and only confirmed even more that I am the problem in my life and nothing else.
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I'm getting the urges again. I'm starting to feel diseased again. This all sucks.
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Nothing works.
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Considering how many years I've been in therapy, I should've been fixed by now.
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It seems the moment I start to manage myself, is the moment I fall apart.
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Every day since I posted with the exception of today was horrible.
Today was a good day, but then I realized that I annoy and overwhelm everyone around me when I am happy.
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