My Page :D
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:22pm
Thread Topic: My Page :D
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Yes I've tasted ew.
Oh you're s--- alright. ;) -
That's gross, where at?
I'm the unicorn rainbowed sparkly s---. ;-; -
My own home.
Hell yeah. :D -
Chris; Kinda late to be up don't you think..
Zoey; Hmp, he's rig- *grunts* I mean, right.
Yeah, well can't sleep.
Chris; why..
Wel-
Zoey; Lily.
Chris; oh, okay..
Yeah, her I guess.
Chris; what about her..
Zoey; Drop it. It's for the best.
Chris; um..
DS; whut. -
It's not even late . ._.
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Dear love,
Where do I start? Where and how do I begin to tell you that I've tried so many times to picture my life without you, but when I get a simple glimpse of it my mind shuts down, and it doesn't let see anymore. I do not want to see anymore, why would I? Honestly, I've had bad days when I'm with you, not because of you but because of how my life has been set, how it has been in the past, and yes sometimes I take things out on you but I do not mean so. I know this started crappy but bare with me. Within a month of meeting you, I knew what it felt to smile again, to look at my phone and see a message from you and feel happy. It may not seem much but how does one describe falling in love? I mean, honestly smiling for me was a rare thing and with everything going in my life right then and there it was impossible; but you somehow made me smile, you made me want to live again. I remember that whole summer I barely ate. I ate maybe a good meal once a week. When school started it only made it worse I didn't eat for about two months, I'd drink lots of water to help me, and I'd eat when I was forced to which was not often. When we started talking you made me feel something other than worthless, you made me want to eat and get better for you. I understand that by asking you to be mine saved both of us. How could I let go of the person who made me want to get better? You honestly scared me s---less when you told me what you were about to do. But I saved us. The both of us. How does this tie to the beginning? Why would I let go of the person who made me want to live again? Who gave me a reason to pick myself up from the ground? Yes, sometimes I feel like I can't go on, but nothing compares to the feeling of how I was before you, and yet that can't and will never compare to the feeling of loosing you.yes, I know I've messed up more than I should, and yes I know you've messed up but my life without you seems so dark so lost. I know it's been a few months, but when I say that ILoveYou, I mean it. I love you for who you are and for who you are with me. I love the way you smile, God, have you seen anything more gorgeous? I didn't think so. I love the way your voice gets when you get shy, or how your eyes sparkle when you say my name. I love you, for you. Nothing less. I love you, ok? You're my forever. I wish, I really wish every shooting star I see ever 11:11 that passes by, I wish that you were here safely with me, or that I was safely with you. I wish I could take your pain away. Because baby..
"And if I ever catch the ones who hurt you,
I'm hoping that God looks away this time.
Why would I let you go?"
If you let me I'll be you're hero..
"I can be your hero, baby.
I can kiss away the pain.
I will stand by you forever."
I suck at being romantic and you know that, I just wanna protect you from all the harm and keep you safe forever with me. I want you safe, happy. That's all I want. I want you happy, safe and loved. I hope I do that for you. I promise I'll protect you from everything, when I'm there I'll be your superman. Yeah? I love you so much and I should sleep because I need it. Goodnight love. Kian & Rique forever.
Love,
Your 11.15.13
P.S I'm sorry this sucks but it's 2 am ... -
It must be true I'm just as destructive as the drug addict bc after all I'm just destroying myself, I'm just f---ing destroying myself and I don't know how to stop. How do you stop? In what way, how do you tell your mind you're killing yourself
Ugh. -
Oh.
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Ew lol
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And it hurts that I can't be what everyone wants
Or anyone needs
And it hurts that I can't be
What I want
Or what I need
Because I'm not enough
And I won't be enough
And I'll never be close to enough
And I'm just so damn tired.
-a.d.r -
Holding On
In sixth grade, that's when it all started. At first, with just thoughts, simple wishes, mere aching. A sadness that was hard to shake off, hard to get rid off. I didn't ask for help, because who hasn't been sad before? I should have.
As the year turned to two then to three, everything seemed to get worse. The thoughts just became frightening, the aching pain seemed silly compared to the one I was feeling. It started slowly, almost like a fire. It burned you ever so gently, as if making your body get used to the sensation then once you did it would grow. It all grew rather quickly burning any feeling, any precious memory, anything that you once loved to death you would simply not care anymore.
I was tired of having so many horrendous thoughts, such despicable feelings all at once. It all hurt, it hurt to smile, to laugh, to merely say that I was fine when I was choking in reality and I didn't know how to save myself. It's petrifying looking around, watching people breathe without wondering if you know how. You're drowning in thoughts trying to swim in lies and the only thing making you feel alive, is killing you.
A year ago, I asked for help. Since then I've been getting help. I'm not going to say it's all been easy and I'm able to breathe now without asking for help, but I am able to go on my own and take small breathes every now and then. I do trip and fall, I do still need help to breathe, I still need help swimming but I have accepted that I have an illness. I'm not as bubbly or as talkative as I once was, but with more help I'll be my old self with the exception of new skills. -
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I'm such an emotional person I'm laughing 99.99% of this didn't even matter. Not even the whole "ily 5ever" paragraph up there???
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