dying to be with her wasn't any sacrifice
- Locked due to inactivity on Feb 27, '23 3:54am
Thread Topic: dying to be with her wasn't any sacrifice
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she still talks over me any time I disagree with her. nothing I say matters to her unless I'm explicitly backing her up. she wants people to know I'm her kid when I'm doing particularly well. when I've just finished a new song and she wants to show off. when a drawing actually turns out presentable. but she still shushes me when I try to talk about my gender identity, or about my girlfriend or anything having to do with my sexuality. she pretends she accepts me in private but if I make my true self known she wants me to shut up.
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I don't think I've taken my meds since I moved in with dollface. that was about a month ago. the rage is creeping back in. lately I've been so angry, and I have to take energy out of other things I'm doing to try and control my temper. ma scolded me because I wasn't smiling for the customers. I told her I couldn't do it. I asked if I could go home. I was so scared I was going to blow up at someone. I was in the middle of a relapse. she listed off every thing going wrong in her life as some kind of explanation for why I didn't deserve to go home early, forced me to keep interacting with the public for the rest of the night. she keeps talking about how she's gotta be my boss before my mother but like
she's really awful in both roles and I'm not having fun -
she makes me so angry. I wish I could cut her off without antagonizing my siblings.
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....
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I know my sisters will support me if I decide to cut her off but I'm worried about losing my brothers
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3/4
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Life is too short to worry about the approval of others honestly
Join the no mom club w me -
it's not really about approval I guess
I just really love all my siblings and I'd be devastated if any of them chose to side with her and cut me off -
god I hate being here
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I wish I knew if how I'm feeling is valid or if I'm just feeling this way because I'm off my meds
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Your feelings are always valid, but being off your meds can make them more intense and difficult to deal with. That’s an extremely difficult situation to be in with your mom, even if you were still on your meds. No doubt it’s a repeating trigger from long ago, and that’s no fault of yours. You deserve better. Because you are a good person.
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thank you so much doug
you are so great -
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it's fine
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oh, f---ing phenomenal. just what I need.
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