The wounds that never show...
Thread Topic: The wounds that never show...
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Well, this is still here, so I may as well use it. I'd hoped that it would be gone, but I'll use this so I don't destroy my new thread.
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There's a "no crying" policy in my official thread, so I'll just be here.
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I want to be able to help myself, but it's the same story every time. I feel so helpless, at this point, and I can't help but to wonder if my parents have some sort of gratification off of feeling that I should solely depend on them like this.
Sometimes, it's like they cripple my self-government so badly that I absolutely am unable to find a way around them to do things for myself. I don't lose my understanding in self-government, but they confiscate all means of it. -
It makes me feel like a helpless child who still depends on them to do everything for her.
But, I don't want to be that way. They make it that way, tho, because it's how they want it. It's not right. It's not fair, but it's legal. Even if it weren't, I couldn't report them because that would break us all up. My brothers would be off on their own, and one of them would have to be my sister's guardian as well as mine. -
I just wanna cry in your arms...
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Don't let me sleep just to rise another day.
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Let me go where I belong.
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My mom asked me to name something I'm grateful for yesterday... I never did.
If you're not grateful to be alive, then you can't be grateful for anything else. I wasn't going to lie, so I remained silent. -
I don't feel I have anything left in me to argue with them. It's not going anywhere better, and it's only destroying me worse to fight with them daily over the matter. I have no way of outside help right now, so I'm trapped.
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I don't even know what to do. Not doing anything doesn't work. Talking to my parents about it doesn't work. It actually makes it worse because they argue with me, demanding to know what makes my claims of depression valid, and even if I mention thoughts of self-harm, they still dismiss it and don't take anything I say.
It hurts more, so in the end, I guess they're all roughly the same choice: do nothing. -
A while back, I'd made a real list, plotting what to do and when in order to run away, but it's outdated. The help I was going to get is not an option anymore, so I'm on my own.
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I would make another, but I'm too afraid to leave with conditions the way they are.
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I don't even have a way to get around, or anyone close to crash with.
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Le1F's thoughts weren't new to me. I'd had them all along, but I just don't know if it's even possible to carry it out without dying. The whole point of doing this is so that I can start fresh and finally enjoy my life; but if I die, it all meant nothing.
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So then..........................................................................................
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