You clicked your heels and wished for me
- Locked due to inactivity on Nov 5, '17 3:54am
Thread Topic: You clicked your heels and wished for me
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I'm so, so, so in love with him and it physically hurts me.
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HAHA 69
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We have matching kik pictures now and I love them.
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We said we'll be okay but I think it's killing him and I hate seeing him like this.
I don't want to let him go, because I really do think he's the one.
But.. I want him to be happy? And he won't be in a long distance relationship. I can't force him to do that. -
Today was really nice??
Breakfast at whataburger, a shorter shift, the lake yard, the little-big store.. I absolutely adore spending time with my boy.
I love working at Arbys! It's so clean, and even if we are the second busiest of the chain, I.. Really, really love it. -
I hate that I have to work tomorrow but I love that I get to go see the fireworks, I'm glad I won't be missing them this year.
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I love that my life is getting better and better while you're still complaining about the same thing you have been for weeks
Is this what victory tastes like?
Suck it, CG. -
Sweetie, CG is a nickname for Jasmine.
Chill, please.
And I don't want back in, but thanks. -
It stands for c--- g*(her last name)
Which is an inside joke she came up with, incidentally
I've mentioned it before in this thread, idk what page.
B U T AN Y WA YS -
My boy is going to be traveling allllll over Florida without meee. ;^; I'm gonna miss my bby
God i just want to?? Have him with me all the times
Even if we're fighting i still
Really
Really
Enjoy his existence -
Just enough to get my feet wet..
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I f---ING LOVE WORKING ACTUALLY
My feet and back hurt
But It's exciting and i feel useful
This old guy told me to do something with my life that makes me happy and??
Sir?? I finally am.
I'm going to the college that I WANT, in a town that i like, for a degree I've always wanted, with a dog that I love. I'm in a healthy and functional relationship, I'm taking my pills, I'm working on self-care, I'm trying to be a better friend and sister.
So, sir, I am. -
Listen, I'm doing better, but am by no means better.
I'll say it again: Relationships and friendships do not, and never will, cure mental illnesses.
No, I haven't cut or burnt myself in a while.
Have I harmed myself?
Yes. Last night I slammed my head against my knees so many times and so hard that I made part of my forehead swell. I told my sister it was an accident. When I'm angry, I pluck my leg hairs out with tweezers because it hurts and it helps me calm down. It's still unhealthy.
I'm gaining weight. But, I still have an eating disorder. I still want to throw up every time I finish a meal. I still sometimes do sit ups until I vomit. I have to take medicine because I get nauseated all the time, from making myself vomit constantly for so long.
I had to buy pants out of the youth section for work. Size 16. I thought I needed a size 2. I cried in the fitting room. I don't want the body of a child.
I am happy fairly consistently lately. Yesterday was a rough day. I cried until I couldn't breathe. I wanted to break things, mainly myself. I did not.
I am trying to be happy, to make plans for the future and to pursue my goals.
I am maintaining friendships that I feel are positive and supportive, and healthy, or have the potential to be healthy.
I am sorry, but at this point in time, and for the rest of the year at least, I am not in a place mental health wise to attempt a friendship with you. It's too much effort to manage myself around you, and since I'm getting better, I don't want that to get in the way of my recovery.
Let me clarify, because you probably read that as me claiming you would keep me from getting better. What I mean is, we have too much baggage. Too many emotions, too much history that I am not in a place to deal with.
I do want you in my life, eventually. I think, once we're both a bit more grown up, and I have a more balanced life, we could have a very strong friendship. I want you at my wedding, I want my kids to know you. And I want there to be positive memories. I want to, in time, build a foundation of trust between us.
It just isn't going to be for a while. I was serious when I said it wasn't a good idea, each time I let myself try to rekindle our friendship when I'm not fully ready, I end up in a worse mental state than what I started in.
I know I'm the one who left this time. I don't regret it.
I hope you do well, until we can both talk again. I wish you only the best.
It's taken me ages to come to this conclusion, so please: You don't have to respond. Don't post about me. If you see a post in my thread that you think is about you, it's probably not. You can have someone message me on kik and ask me and I'll clarify, if you get paranoid.
And, yes, I still mean every single word I said back in January. The meaning has just changed a bit. -
On a brighter note:
I have made multiple new friends recently, at work. I'm surprisingly good at finding things to bond with people about? Myk and Sha are what I'll refer to my work buddies as.
I think Myk is gorgeous. I didn't know I liked tall girls but?? She has a very cute personality as well, and she's super friendly.
As far as Sha, I've known OF them for a couple years, but never really spoken to them. They're hilarious?? They really make me feel better about nit understanding everything right away. I like talking to them about girls and stuff. -
On a slightly less bright note: I told A to call me if he dies after his ghost tour and he didn't laugh ;^;
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