Today was almosf as great as a school night can get.
- Locked due to inactivity on Apr 12, '17 3:54am
Thread Topic: Today was almosf as great as a school night can get.
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So this is me caving in and coming back to this rotting hell for some reason. Twitters 140 character limit was pissing me off and i had to one to consult into.
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my thearapist is nice. Hes really easy to talk to and he thinks im very smart. its fun hearing about his other patients and his experiences with them.
Theyre arguing again, but less loud this time. thats good. -
ever since we broke up, my life hasnt been very good. granted, it could be worse. my drawing skills have improved. its probably because i draw to distract myself from the lonliness that haunts me whenever my friends arent tgere to distract me.
He slammed a door. scared me for a second. -
I have also been listening to metal music. the loud sounds and rush feeling it gives me helps divert my mind if im not drawing. "Reasons to Live" by DragonForce is vrry uplifting. sadly, my dad thjnks that music is bad for me and prohibits me from listening to it.
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Although itd be nice if someone i knew were talking to me, being alone is nice too. it gives me the ability to rant on until i get tired. Looking back, I am a lot like Cally. Im a slut when im alone. without Seth, i feel hollow again, and i scrape and beg for someone to fill tgat large gaping hole that he once filled. Its pointless however, because no one will have my trust like he once did. no one can fully fill that hole. im destined to walk yhis earth as a shell that will never have meaning. Izzy says otherwise, but... Its complicated. i hav manifested so many needs and or desires that i dont believe someone else will exclist so that i may feel completely loved again.
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i walk along the stairs
and wonder what was and when
i gazed a gazey stare
i thought he wasnt there
i thought you died alone
a long long time ago.
oh no
not me
i never lost control
youre face
to face
with the man who sold the world -
its funny, really. you said that you were the one who needed me the most, but that obviously turned out to be such a big fat f---ing lie. You didnt need me. you couldnt give a rats ass about me. i was just there making everything worse, apparently. I was trying my best to help and make us haply. i had devoted myself to you. i thought what we had was something substantial. but no. as it turns out, you couldnt care less. youre just like dusty. just someone who used me and forgot about me when you were done. all i am is a nuisance to everyone i date. regardless of how much i try to make things work, i really am just replacable in the end.
i hate him. he left me so f---ing broken and worn. i cant function right anymore. im so f---ing emotional. i always need someone now. i need someone to call me princess and for me to call daddy. I hope he knows how much i hurt because of him. All this emotional torment. All my anger and sadness. Ive lost so much trust with him. with everyone. you cant trust a single mother f---er. -
i have two best friends, Tanner and Arthur. Tanner has known me for years and doesnt mind my sex jkkes all that much. i draw p--- for him and stuff. he bought Dark Souls 3 for me recently, so thats cool.
Arthur is my trans friend who I have in art. i had him in french last year as well, but we never spoke then. I was too shy to speak to anyone in that class about anything, so i often just did the work all alone. Arthur is very good at art and is funny too. i feel nice around him because he treats me like his favorite person in the whole class. i feel like im important when im around him. he makes me walk with him after school and we talk untik he has to get on his bus. he gave me gold fish today, and they were very tastey. Needless to say, art 2 is my favorite class period. -
he pays attention to me the most as well. sometimes, though, he'll be in a bad mood and not seem to talk at all. I dont bother him much if hes like that, because I dont want him to have to deal with me. but ill keep check on him when he is sad.
I have a addicgion to hugs. thd feeling of another persons warm body against mine feels very lovely.
i wish i could hang out with arthur more, so that i could feel special more often. when im sad, he worries and asks whats wrong.
Sometimes, I fantasizs about a strong woman like Zarya being in love with me, her strong muscles make me feel so safe. -
Made progress in Dark Souls 3 today when i got home. My warrior is shaping up to be quite reliable. I also joined the covenant of the sun, so my HP is out the wazoo. This Curse rotted Greyoak boss ended up killing me, but i got him down to 25% health on my first try.
for my first Dark Souls game, id say im pretty good. thanks, monsyer hunter. :) -
Im trying to direct my level ups towards dexterity so i can wield a better variety of weapons other than my axe. My strength is already 21, so thats pretty good.
anyways, i think thatll be all for today. back to twitter. -
no no, i am not a good loser.
anyways back because Izzy poofed
hmmm
what to talk about... -
Same
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im about to go but you should know that wolfie loves you a lot absol
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and i know you like to be called something else but i cant recall so please remind me :s
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