Land of Stars and Echoes
Thread Topic: Land of Stars and Echoes
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I see Roxy as a source of joy and tranquility for the people around her. I see her as a strong person working to overcome barriers that have plagued her for a long time. I want to be like her.
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I'm going to have a hard time becoming that, though. I'm not sure how to go about this.
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I want people to be afraid of me. I want them to learn to respect me because I detest the idea of taking the backseat and falling silent again. I've been good about overriding my fears and speaking up. I don't want to go back. At the same time, I want to help. I want to help so motherf---ing badly. I want to make the world a kinder place. I don't know how to do this. I don't see how I can help people without them assuming I'm weak and trying to take advantage. I try. I don't know. I'm confused.
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I am so confused about who I am.
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I'm so angry. I'm angry, from the moment I wake up to the second I fall asleep. I'm angry about everything, and everyone. I'm angry that people are dying. I'm angry that people are promoting hatred in a world that's already full of it. I'm angry that people hurt good people. I'm angry that people take advantage of any power given to them and use it to put others down. I'm angry that nothing I say or do will ever really matter. I'm angry that I can't fix the pain in the world. I'm angry because I know I contribute to it sometimes.
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I want to be so much better, but there are so many things I feel like I can't control.
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Stupidity irritates me. A lot of times, ignorance looks like stupidity, and I forget that those two words are not interchangeable. I treat the ignorant as if they're stupid without spending the time and patience to try and teach them.
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Hatred irritates me. I want everyone to love and respect each other, but I do not do the same. I've done my best to spread kindness wherever I go, but I let how I feel tinge my interactions with bitterness, and I know it's often not the fault of the listener, but that doesn't stop me. Truthfully, I don't have the patience to talk to most people. I wish I could just love everyone and hear what they say and make myself be genuinely interested.
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I want to try and make a difference, but I catch myself in little acts of self-destruction every day. Refusing to eat anything healthy, refusing to leave the house, refusing to talk to people. The drinking, the self-injury, the sleep deprivation. I catch my speed edging past 75mph and the only thing that slows me down is my sister in the passenger seat, because I don't want to take her with me.
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What am I rambling about now? What was the original topic?
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Hello
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Now is really not the best time, lil bro. I'm sorry.
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Right, right. It was Road.
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Way to reject someone
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I've always suspected that my happiness in life will come only from escaping. I'm not sure which component of my life it is that I'm running from, or if any singular factor can really be isolated at all. Maybe it's everything.
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