Land of Stars and Echoes
Thread Topic: Land of Stars and Echoes
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I said, "Hey there, pretty lady, won't you come out and play?
I've been jonesing for your love since walking into the place.
Been shaking all night hoping that you just might
fall outta my head and into my bed." -
ahahaha oh jeez
I got really distracted -
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noooooooooooooo.....
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I wish that I could hate you.
I wish that I could start by cutting you out,
cuz when I look in your eyes, I know
I'm watching you drown.
I wish that I could save you.
I wish that I could start by cutting you out.
Cuz when I look in your eyes, I know deep inside
that holding you up,
holding you up is breaking me down. -
Can I let my smile disarm you?
Can I sing my words into your skin?
I wanna watch, so don't resist.
Why are you speaking, cuz you're so dishonest.
You should be bleeding. There's a world around us.
I must insist that I can't play this game.
So just hate me..
Hate me cuz I live this way.
Hate me for the things I say.
Inside, my rage is burning.
I see the tables turning. -
(hums softly)
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Okay.
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My name(?) is Maru Taeryo.
I created my name halfway through grade school, when I was a f---in weeb. -
I have used my daydreams, as long as I can remember, to escape my reality and finally take control of something. I have always felt helpless, like everything that happened was happening to me, instead of because of me. I never had a hand in making the choices that shaped my life and my being. The main character of my daydreams was named Maru, because anime was my primary form of entertainment back then. As they grew and changed with me, I eventually realized that they were merely an idealized version of myself, and took their name for myself.
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I am stronger now. I think that one of my biggest flaws is an inherent and nearly uncontrollable need to prove that I have the final say in any matter that concerns me. I have made decisions I would never had made on my own just to prove to someone I viewed as an authoritative figure that they couldn't control me.
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In that respect, the people I have tried so hard to free myself from still command some aspect of my life.
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I am aware of what's happening.
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I want it to stop, but it's so hard. When I hear her voice, condescending, it makes my blood boil. When she insists that she knows better than me, that I should just take her word instead of living my own life and learning from my own mistakes, it instills in me an urgent need to fight back. I know that sometimes what she says is reasonable, but I'm so afraid that listening to her will give her back some of her old power over me that I act in ways that are uncharacteristic of me.
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I drove my faulty car, knowing that it's prone to battery failure and that I was low on gas and broke as it was, all the way to another state because she tried to order me to park it and ride with someone else.
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