The Storm
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:31pm
Thread Topic: The Storm
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I can't be calm now s---
I'm just gonna go
I can't look at this train wreck right now -
This isn't open for commentary.
11.28.2014
11:53 pm
My mother and I were sitting on the couch. Angel was lying on the floor next to the dog. Sky was on the sofa. I tell mom that Angel and I made a human sacrifice and asks if she wants to see it, pulling out my phone to show her the video we took. Without missing a beat, she dismisses it by saying that she's been wanting to ask me a question, and then proceeds to ask it. The question is "Now do you understand why I didn't let you go to that concert?"
(She is referring to the "Crown the Empire" concert I'd been invited to by my manager and a coworker. At the time, she'd pretended to deliberate for days, probably knowing damn well the whole time that she was never actually going to let me go. At long last, she told me no on the grounds that the verdict on the case concerning Darren Wilson was about to come out and that the area would definitely not be safe anymore.)
I don't answer her. She goes on a lecture about all of the s--- they've burned down for a moment and then startles me by adding on, "And don't ever walk out to my car with your arms around that black kid again. I don't care if you want to mess things up for yourself, but don't get me involved."
This seems to have come out of nowhere. I gape at her for a second, but can't find the words to express how disgusted I am with her, so instead I laugh sarcastically and get up to leave. Her voice follows me, going on about how it would make me look. I've already started crying by the time I reach the door to my room, which is in clear sight of the living room, so she's still talking at me. I open the door to my room and attempt to make an escape, but she orders me to stop and listen to her. She starts to explain herself. I say, "I don't care." and continue opening the door. She raises her voice and repeats herself angrily, adding in an order to stay there and take it. I leave the door and face her begrudgingly. She continues talking while I keep crying and no doubt glaring at her.
"Things are getting really bad, there's KKK running around again, there's Black Panthers running around again. They're not gonna care what either of your personalities are like, they're just going to attack you for it. There are people right now who are going to hurt you for something like this, and that's all I care about right now."
There were more words, but in my anger it may have been a bit blurred. It all comes down to the above. When she's satisfied that she's made her point, she adapts the look she always takes on when she believes she's just imparted some hard-to-swallow truth upon some ignorant kid, and I open the door to my room, retreat quickly, and cry like a b----. -
First off, he is not just "that black kid". Understand how important that particular person is to me. His has been the healthiest friendship I've ever been graced with. He listens to me when I talk, fully convinces me that he cares. He knows my dreams and my strengths and he encourages me. He goes out of his way to talk to me. He doesn't insult me or desert me for long periods of time. He notices when I'm dying on the inside and he tries to make it better for me. (Let's also not forget that he's the one I could be dating if your racist bulls--- hadn't gotten in the way of that, too.) He shares my interests, making him easy to talk to, and he respects my opinions, even if he disagrees with them. He's hilarious and fun and mature and respectful and honestly perfect. He's a poet and a writer and an artist, and excellent at all of these things. He's got a beautiful smile and when he hugs me it makes me feel so warm and I never want to be away from him because frankly he's the only friend I've had who has never once made me feel like s---, or like I was unimportant. So let's get that straight right now- "that black kid" is a f---ing insult to him as far as I'm concerned. He has a name and he's more important to me than you are.
Secondly, you're full of s---. Nice "good parent" save, by the way. My safety is all you care about, I'm sure. I heard the first words, you b----.
"I don't care if you want to mess things up for yourself, but don't get me involved."
That rant wasn't going to have anything to do with protecting me until you realized how terrible you sounded saying what you said. You've always been a racist piece of s---, and you've never liked me hanging around my Sebby, and I'm sure you're always looking for a chance to voice it. Now this is how you plan to execute it. This is how you're going to be racist and have what some might consider a valid excuse to do so. Because of course I matter so much to you. My health means so much to you, you never thought anything of what could easily have become an attempted suicide. Yeah, I know you're such a great mother. You love me so f---ing much, don't you? I f---ing can't stand you.
When I'm older, when I'm thinking maybe I shouldn't have thought all of these terrible things of my mother, I hope I still reminisce here. I hope I see this. I hope I never forget how f---ing stupid you are. -
My eyes are going to hurt tomorrow.
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Oh my god I don't know what to do
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Why are people like me even born? I can't handle s---. Darwinism should have killed me off by now.
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Do you still want to be left alone?
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I don't know anymore. I don't want to talk but I don't want to be alone. I need someone to cuddle in real life right now.
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Ew. Racist pieces of s--- are the worst. Well, there are sexists and homophobes too, but...s--- comes in many colors and smells. s--- is the worst.
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I can't deal with it. I'm so tired of this but I can't change her and I can't fight back because she can take everything from me.
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(try not to miss me when I'm gone)
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I'm always screaming my lungs out
til my head starts spinning.
Playing my songs is the way I cope with life.
Won't keep my voice down-
no, the words I speak are the thoughts I think out loud.
I like to keep things honest.
I'm a safe bet,
like your life's staked on it, for real.
I hate to keep you all wondering.
I'm constant, like the seasons,
I will never be forgotten.
Let's leave no words unspoken
and save regrets for the broken.
Will you even look back when you think of me?
All I want is a place to call my own,
to mend the hearts of everyone who feels alone.
Whoa, you know to keep your
hopes up high and your head down low.
Keep your hopes up high and your heads down low.
Still got something left to prove-
it tends to keep things moving.
While everyone around me says
my last days are looming overhead.
Well, what the hell do they think they know?
My head's above the water while they drown in the undertow.
Let's leave no words unspoken
and save regrets for the broken.
Will you even look back when you think of me?
All I want is a place to call my own,
to mend the hearts of everyone who feels alone.
Whoa, you know to keep your
hopes up high and your head down low.
All I want is a place to call my own,
to mend the hearts of everyone who feels alone.
Whoa, you know to keep your
hopes up high and your head down low.
If you take it from me,
live your life for yourself.
Cuz when it's all said and done
you don't need anyone else, come on.
So let's get back to when
everything seemed perfect-
not a worry in the world,
tell me, was it all worth it?
I do what I want,
so everyone's always judging me.
I'm not afraid of anything,
I've got the whole world in front of me.
All I want is a place to call my own,
to mend the hearts of everyone who feels alone.
Whoa, you know to keep your
hopes up high and your head down low.
All I want is a place to call my own,
to mend the hearts of everyone who feels alone.
Whoa, you know to keep your
hopes up high and your head down low.
Keep your head down low!
Keep your head down low!
Keep your hopes up high and your head down low! -
it's out of my hands please don't hate me
I don't want to be your enemy -
Sitting along in my basement again,
staring at the screen thinking, "What comes next?"
I've been at this for days, but the nights are worse.
The key's in my head, but my mind is cursed.
Where's the moment of divine intervention?
Where's the moment of divine inspiration?
I'm saying, I'm yelling,
I'm screaming this at myself.
One more song! Give me one more song!
To free my head, I need sound alone.
One more song, give me one more song!
To be content in this life unknown.
Patience is no longer a virtue I have.
I try to find emotion from my broken past.
Tossing and turning is what got me here.
Maybe sleep deprivation has kept my conscious clear!
Where the moment with an ounce of salvation?
Where's the moment where I feel recreation?
I'm saying, I'm yelling,
I'm screaming this at myself!
One more song! Give me one more song!
To free my head, I need sound alone.
One more song, give me one more song!
To be content in this life unknown.
Please understand me!
I'm breathing, not living.
I wanna know if my soul's worth saving.
Please understand me!
I'm breathing, not living.
I wanna know if my soul's worth saving.
I wanna know if soul's worth saving!
One more song! Give me one more song!
To free my head, I need sound alone.
One more song, give me one more song!
To be content in this life unknown. -
You ran away from your anguish!
I cannot believe what I am seeing.
You'd run away from yourself!
Away from yourself, away from yourself.
I've been raised to be
just another pawn in this world.
So full of hate, full of shame and guilt.
I swear I've been told I'm different.
But have I proved it?
Have I proved it?
No.
Not yet!
So I'll scream til my lungs collapse.
Don't you say you'll beg
to break the spine that you wish you had!
I'll take control, cuz I'm sick of bleeding.
For everything I hate, I'm needing.
I hate this life.
I hate this life!
So I'll break my neck, cuz I'm sick of bleeding.
My blood clots with the black ice freezing.
Memories too hard to see.
I've lost control of me.
I'm lost.
It's not what you thought.
You thought you would sail through this life,
but it's never that easy.
It's not what you thought!
You thought you would sail through this life,
but it's never that easy.
You've burned your bridges!
There's no one else to blame.
No one else to blame.
Nobody else to blame,
nobody else to blame.
You take this for granted!
You take this all for granted!
Some months ago, I came to terms with my worst fears.
So I got my nose pierced.
f---, I've wasted three years.
And now it seems I'm an addict,
so I'll sit up in my attic,
screaming, "f--- the world, I've had it."
Some months ago, I came to terms with my worst fears.
I got my nose pierced!
f---! Three years!
And now it seems I'm an addict.
Well I've had it.
I've had it!
Some months ago I came to terms with my worst fears.
I got my nose pierced, I wasted three years.
Now it seems I'm an addict.
So wake me up when you know where you're going.
I've been waiting here for far too long.
So wake me up..
After everything destroys you,
will you stand up and fight?
Fight. Now.
Right now. Right now!
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