My OFFICIAL thread
Thread Topic: My OFFICIAL thread
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Really? How?
Yeah, it was heh
its okay
But I'm not anymore, so don't worry.
Okay, I understand. Yeah I wish you would've been too. And I can stay up late, but I don't think I can stay up all night. -
Alek: So when do you start school?
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Alek- I'm using an animation thing my friend has and some other stuff.
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Okay, but i am curious, why? I guess it is a rhetorical question, but I still would like to here you say it...
Okay. Now here is how this is going to work. I have been really-- indescribable... lately... I can't put together one big post, so it will be in small portions so I can handle this all.... and you, my mysterious friend, shall do whatever r you please to get your portion out, but regardless of how you do it, you will tell me what has been bothering you lately. Seriously, I will make you elaborate every thought that has passed through your mind over the last eight years I have to, but however, you shall finally clasp under the weight of what has been on your mind. -
Not sure, as I don't even know what school I'm going to yet :-/
Ooooh okay, cool!
Why to what? Why to that I'm not mad at you anymore?
On my end, one word: loneliness. That's all. -
Yerp :) And I have to start building a haunted house..
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SG: Yes. Who are some of your favorite actors?
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Alek: Why not? You might be changing schools?
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No, what was infuriating about me before hand?
I don't believe it... you need to elaborate more.
And to start off... ugh, this is going to be so hard....*sigh* I guess I will start at the beginning of the month... in the beginning of July, when I was being a dramatic little snob and screaming at you for no reason.... I was angry and confused becuase.. *sigh* you saw pieces of my journal, right? Well, I missed that person... I missed the person who existed before the heartache and the hurt. I missed the me who was the wisest little b------ and always had something optimistic to say.. but even before then, even before any of the crap online happened I was longing for a person who had died out eons ago... I was screaming at the closest person to me, becuase I couldn't go back in time and find a little girl with charisma and a smile. I was looking for the most innocent, motivated, optimistic little spitfire of a child who was killed becuase I let two girls get to me... I fought to be two girls' friends for almost my entire lifespan, and it wrecked me... I can't tell you how many times I was curled up in a ball in my bed crying my eyes out becuase I couldn't understand why they rejected me so. Those two girlsstole my fire and my charisma. Those girls hat met guts up until this day and they have left me with scars so deep they still hurt to think about. All that crap I put you through there wasn't hour fault. It was mine.. I can't elaborate how sorry I am for using you for my heartache... this is only the beginning... and as sincerely as I apologized for everything above you can't even fathom how deep my apologetic tendencies run in these next few pieces... -
Wen: I know that wasn't to me, but I just wanted to say I can relate with the friend thing a bit. For a long time there were these 2 girls who's clique I wanted to be apart of, but every day they would whisper to each other about me and laugh, and they'd bully me all the time. Girls who claimed to be my friends. It's tough, and I'm sorry you had to go through something like that.
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Yeah, I understand. It truly did suck, but I am over it for the most part. *sigh* maybe I am not... idk, I still shut down when my dad mentions it, but I don't speak to them anymore so the physical damage is past..
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Hm..cool
I AM changing schools, and I don't know which one yet.
Just...some stuff I'd rather not say now hat I'm over it...
Zane has been sick, so the only people I've seen in the last like 3 weeks have been my parents, my aunt and cousin who stayed here yesterday and the day before, and saw Roy yesterday. but before that, just my parents. Ugh.
It's okay Savannah, I understand, I've been through some s--- too, I just deal with it a different way, but I used to deal with it a lot like you do, but with my maturing a lot of other things changed, including that...And I do know what it's like to miss your old self, I was feeling that just yesterday... -
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Yerp :3
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Whatever
I still feel like you are hiding something... but okay.
This is where I skip all the bs and get right to the point... I don't expect you to understand . But I have been beating myself up over a lie so thick it ought to damm me. Alex I lied to you! I was never... abused... damm it! I was so hurt and so emotional when I got home from Canada! I can't elaborate how broken I was... the problem was, I didn't think the amount of emotion coming out of my wounds could justify the cause... so I made a fake cause... damm it!I am such an b----! I hate myself internally for lying to you! All I can do is swear that the emotion I displayed was real...
I doubt you can ever forgive me... in fact, I wouldn't blame you if you hired someone to hang me right this very moment....
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