Random Things I Just Wrote Addressed To Who Knows What
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:16pm
Thread Topic: Random Things I Just Wrote Addressed To Who Knows What
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This world will never be what I've expected. Day after day I wait for something good to happen, something vaguely hopeful. But hours pass and still only bad fortune comes to my doorstep. First you, then me, and now this. All I have to do now is live with myself. My despicable, unfortunate self. My reasons to continue living? I have none.
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Even if you say it'll be alright, it won't be. It'll never be. You just don't get it. These feelings never go away. No matter how hard you try to fix things, my heart will remain broken. I will remain corrupted. It's not worth your trouble. I'm not worth the sacrifice. Just go back to living your life and I'll live mine.
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You said I was worth your life. You told me you'd never forget me. Yet here you are, with another. Forgetting that I even exist. The worst part? You said you'd never hurt me. Yet here I am, in tears. I said not to feel bad, not to worry. I'm sick of trying to make everyone else happy but myself. Sometimes I deserve a bit of a smiling moment. But of course, I won't ever get one. Because after today, there will be no more me.
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Counting the days since you've left. Wondering if I made a mistake. The answer is yes. I messed up big time, thinking it could ever last. I won't go out of my way to make things right. Instead, it's your turn. Do what you think is right. Hurt me more. It's better than you hurting her. I told you I wasn't worth caring for now. I'm too far gone. Leave me to my own. That is all I ask. Keep your distance, and I'll keep mine. This is goodbye.
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'I wish you would just jump off that ledge.' Here I am, doing as you've told. If you have any last words, please say them now. For when I hit the ground, I will be forever gone. Out of your grasp forever. You are the one who has suggested my doing this, so I am making you happy. My duty in life is to make others content. If this is what you want, please don't hesitate to let me know.
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Aren't I too young to feel this way? As if I have no future? No purpose in life? Is this how I am supposed to feel for the rest of my life? Lost, alone, hopeless? If it is, then I might as well end it now. I can't take this pain, this numbness. Once upon a time I was happy. That fairytale is over.
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You had to have it all. Let me ask you, have you had enough? I have. I've had enough for a long time now. Enough of you and your attitude. The way you treat me is despicable. I'd rather have nothing than have you, you b------. If you know what's good for you, you would leave. Now.
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You're hurt, they're hurt. There's tears, screaming, and sobbing. This is my life. The only thing that keeps me going is this one phrase. 'It's never too late.' I've lost belief in it, sadly. It is too late. And never is now.
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Tears run down my face and drip onto the tile floor. I raise the knife to my wrist, making the first and final cut, deep down into the skin; deep down into my soul. My blood slowly drips to the floor. Pat, pat, pat, pat... Red stains the white tiles, creating a beautiful contrast. I can't help but think 'If only I could live with that beauty...'. Living with myself, knowing I was a failure was too much to bear. I did the only thing I could. I rescued myself from this cold world; from falling victim to their cruelty.
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You don't get it, do you? You were supposed to be there for me. Instead you abused me. I was your toy, your punching bag. Every time I returned one bottle or pill short I fell victim to your beatings. It would've been fine if it was her. I would understand completely why Mom would do it. But the thing that hurts the most is not the physical pain. It's knowing that you were my own father.
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The world is gray, dark, and dreary. The color has been drained out by a larger force, bigger than all of us. We cannot fight, for every second it is weakening us until we will bow down to its power. All we can do is sit and watch the lives we knew slowly slip away into the past.
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Decisions, decisions. They only get harder as time presses forward. If you dwell in the past, still with no deciding factors, you will be left there; wondering what happened to the time you thought you had.
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I wish I could tell you what you want to hear. You want to hear three very special words. Apparently you've heard them a lot. Well, I guess you were expecting something romantic. But instead, I'll switch it up. ___ ___ ___. Put in what you feel fits.
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Alana, you're good.
Ninja teacher ;) -
Thanks, lil. ^^ This is just some random crap, nothing that I expected would a) Be looked at or b) be praised.
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