Should I make this quiz series?
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:30pm
Thread Topic: Should I make this quiz series?
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Prolouge
The darkness begins to settle as five beings come to gather behind a waterfall. "I sincerly hope you now what you're doing, Ariana," says one. Ariana smiles. "Why, Mayela," She says. "Do not tell me you refuse the gathering?" The other three murmer, and Mayela sighs. "Every single time. When's the moon going to be in position?" Ariana's demeanor quickly changed to serious. "Tonight, at midnight. We shall contact the chosen one." A third, this one male, stepped forward. "Who is it?" He asked. "Her name is Megan." As Ariana spoke, an image flashed on the water of a girl with dirty blond hair laying in bed. "It is time." A forth says. "We must begin." A flash of light shines in the cave. "Welcome, Megan."
I worked really hard on it, please give feedback? -
It sucks.
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Are all the comments you make rude, or do you just like the sound of your own voice?
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I like it.
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Are all the comments you make butthurt, or do you just like the sound of your own ass?
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*ignores geek* Thanks again, Cleo. I really wanna make this.
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pheonix_pharaoh Newbiei think its great. i write books and i think thats a VARY good start.
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It's good love it
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*agrees with geek*
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pheonix_pharaoh Newbieguys, stop being jurks. its just the start
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I'm most likely going to change the main character around a bit. Now like I say, hater's gonna hate, but I'm not listening to any people who say it sucks, without saying why. Thank you for your support.
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pheonix_pharaoh Newbieyour welcome
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It sucks.
And here's why!
1. A prologue is intended to establish the setting or give details that aren't apparent in the main story. You've done neither of these in your opening, instead assuming that the audience is already familiar with the characters. What is the setting? What are we learning now that we wouldn't learn in the main story? And consider the fact that if a prologue is essential to the main story, it's not really much of a prologue, now is it?
2. You need to give each speaker a new line. This establishes different voices and makes it easier for the reader to follow conversations. If you can also succeed in making each voice unique, that helps as well.
3. I don't like the tense.
4. You have a habit of telling people what 's happening instead of describing it. "Ariana's demeanor quickly changed to serious," "A flash of light shines in the cave," this is a bad habit you need to break out of. It stifles prose and reduces anything you write to bland actions. Don't tell us that Ariana's demeanour changed to serious, tell us what changed and let us draw our own conclusions. Did she frown? Did she lower her eyebrows? Show us changes happening instead of having them happen and then telling us they did.
5. I agree with Geek
6. It's very short. Now, this isn't a bad thing when used intentionally, but I feel that's not the case. You need to set the scene more, lay down the characters better, show us what's going on. And don't mistake this for simply writing a lot of words. Always write exactly what needs to be written, and nothing more.
7. I hate your avatar.
8. Everyone who's inflating your ego is wrong and you shouldn't listen to a word they're saying. Odds are they've never read a book in their life.
9. In fact, it could help you to read a book or two. I'd recommend Raymond Feist or Terry Pratchet.
10. And finally, why would anyone ever write a quiz story? Every single one of those things sucks! My friends and I sometimes get together just to laugh at how horrible some of them are. You don't try to go sailing in a fridge, and you don't store food in a yacht. There are many places that encourage writing and good story telling, but a quiz is not one of them. Use quizzes for quizzing, and use other sites for writing.
Now, do you believe me when I say it sucks? -
I do not agree with 10
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I like it. If you want to continue writing this and it makes you happy, then go for it. You'll get better the more you write, and you'll get people who enjoy reading it.
Her avatar has nothing to do with this, IHLAOY. And do you and your friends really have nothing better to do with your lives? Because sitting there and laughing at other people's stories makes it seem like you don't. Those people are trying to get better at writing, so why would you laugh at that?
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