Gina Globe, Passport, and Travels.
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:29pm
Thread Topic: Gina Globe, Passport, and Travels.
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Gina glared at the clock frantically every second. She couldn't wait to go home to see her Grandma's package from Europe. She doesn't know where in Europe. But, somewhere. Grandma Apparel is the kind of old granny that loves to travel, But she hasnt retired yet so its mostly for a job. She has been to Africa, Asia, Brazil, Even Antarctica!
Gina remembered the time where Grandma Apparel took her to Tokyo, Japan for her birthday. It was the most rad, fun, place she ever went to. The only fun place she can go to is that nasty Yucky Chucky Cheese with her little sister, Maria. Gina smiled at that remark. Grandma Apparel was saying she has a big suprise in that package and she hinted that you have something to do during Spring Break.
Gina was clueless about that. But she really couldnt wait.
The clock hit 4:30 p.m and everybody came rushing out the halls for their fabulous break. Gina was filled with ultimate curiousity and excitement. She said to herself "Today's the day" and walked her behind to the car loop for her parents to pick her up, with the yucky Maria.
A paragraph from my story "Gina's Globe, Passports, and Travels" -
Everybody's to into Gay Stuff these days. *eats apple*
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Make your verb tense consistent. At the beginning it should be glares, not glared, and 'she can't wait' instead of 'she couldn't wait'
Rad sounds sort of out of place. I mean it's your word choice, of course, but to me it makes the writing sound a little immature.
You should say "The only fun place she can go to now." To avoid confusion.
Why is she smiling? You make that Chucky Cheese sound disgusting, so why does a bad memory make Gina smile?
There should be a punctuation mark after "Today's the day"
Again, she describes Maria as yucky at the end. If the only fun place she can go to is a yucky Chucky Cheese with her yucky sister, why is she smiling? Also, to avoid making the writing sound repetitive, you probably shouldn't use 'yucky' twice. Also, yucky shouldn't be capitalized the first time. -
I know. I really can't do s--- anymore.. Why even write also.. I have no talent but being weird..
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I hate gay men I f---ing hate them... Good book so far :D
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You're ideas are interesting. As long as you keep writing, I'll keep editing. Just a few tweaks here and there and this would run a lot more smoothly. I do think you have some talent, and you shouldn't just give up. Besides the grammer, it's pretty good.
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I have NO talent. xD They were right. I am the most useless human being.
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The Author NewbieAnimaePhan, you have talent. Everybody has SOMETHING. Perhaps i your talent is writing, and you just need to keep trying. Or perhaps your talent is something else and you just haven't found it yet. It takes some people longer than others to find their talent, but that doesn't make them any less talented.
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