I'm lonely...
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:14pm
Thread Topic: I'm lonely...
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i'm kind of unconfortable here now. and don't get me wrong, i love you guys, but the way things have been playing out lately, it's just taking a huge toll on me. and i was originally going to post something else, but this i think is better than the pointless s--- i was gonna post anyway. it's just, some people have turned the cold shoulder out on some people (you know who you are), and others aren't as accepting to some than others. and i'm afraid to totally be myself now, and say what i think because i'm afraid some people will do that to me, too. i came on here so happy and ready to take up on the oldest soap and then i bump into this shady and slim stuff. if some of you hate them just because of cybersex, then what would it take you to hate somebody in real life? i understand some of you may like slim, but grow up. if we go hating everyone who has what we can't have, then this world would never ever be happy...ever. i'm afraid for what happens now, for what may happen weeks or months from now. i feel lost in this vast sea of confusion and doubt and fear... and no matter how hard i try to reach the surface, to get atleast one gasp of air, the waves keep pulling me under. i feel like i'm drowning and no matter what anybody does i'll stay like that for all eternity. i feel afraid to tell the truth, afraid to say what's on my mind. but most of all, no i don't know who to trust. some of you just turned your back on shady and slim. i don't want that happening to them. but most of all, i don't want that happening to me. the thing that hurts the most is when somebody you trust betrays you. when i left this summer, somebody who i trusted betrayed me, and broke my heart. i got over it though. but imagine what would've happened if i didn't. what if i'd kept on talking about it, and hating those people who did it. what if i blamed them for everything wrong in my life, and truly despised them? i guess my point is, just because somebody does something you don't like, doesn't give you the right to talk about them behind their back, hate them, or torture them. but the thing i hate the most is when you do it to their faces. that's what stings the most. people always remember the horrible things that happened to them in life. 50 years from now, i'll still remember my first day of kindergarten, and how daniel made me cry by ripping up my note from my mom and calling me a prissy cry baby. i'll never forget how that felt inside. i swear, it made me die a little inside. and in 4th and 5th grade, when rumors went around about me, and when certain people stabbed me in the back. i'll never forget that either. i'll never forget what it felt like to lose somebody dear to me. and i'll never forget what it feels like to be lost in a sea of hate, lies, betrayal, and distrust. not knowing where to turn, because at any moment they could exert the final blow. all of these things weakening me, until i felt my heart was about to shatter. that night in 6th grade, when i saw my crush dancing and making out with another girl. the day i found out my cat mika had cancer. the day i had to watch mika being put to sleep. that empty feeling every day when i wake up, to find that mika's deep, gentle meow isn't calling me back from my slumber. all of these things emotionally scar a person. and when i die, i sure as hell won't forget any of it. i'll remember how stranded and lost i felt, how unsure and scared i was. and i'll remember that one special person that guided me through it all. the person who helped me through the agonizing, scrutinizing pain. the one person who wouldn't laugh at me when others would. but now i don't know who that person is. wouldn't you be honored to be remembered like that, to not be the one that a person is secretly cursing under their breath? yeah, i'd like that too.
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wow,that changed my point of view of peolpe thankies ana 4 openig my eyes :D
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ur a really good person Alana i wish others would understand.... *hugz Alana*
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thanks this post will help me and u kno what all this wont really affect slim because he had to go but he will find out and i know it will be a stretch for our relationship but it will only make us stronger and only cause more havic in urs so i dare say turn away from me and slim its only hurting u cuz im done spilling my life story and crying over this i was bullied when i was little till i was older and i know how it feels and i know slim loves me and so all u haterz can f--- off if this is too much for u im tired of being put out and living with it
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shady so u think i should fuk off
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o.o
To many words -
no, shady. i'm not going to just turn away from you. i've been turned away from and it hurt a lot. i'm not about to leave one of my friends alone in this situation. and however much you may want me to turn my back on you i won't. i know how this feels, and i'll do anything in my power to make it easier for you two.
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wow alana i agree its not right 2 talk bad about ppl behind their backs...its true it does hurt...im really sorry if i ever did that :/
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i guess i just need some time to sort things out... *sigh* everything is happening so fast here, and it's really tearing me apart...
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thanks for the support alana and sm
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Woah, I read the whole thing.
Alana, I think I can relate to you in some way.
During the summer, I started becoming depresssed, lost, confused, and miserable. I kept hearing so many things and it was all too much for me to handle. I felt useless, worthless, pointless, and etc. I was treated like a criminal and didn't know who I was anymore. I cried in my sleep sometimes and would hit myself.
Then later on, I blurted out my problems with my bestfriend through text. I told her how I felt and that I was left alone.
And she told me (something similar to this)
"I feel the same way also, everything has changed and I can't take it anymore." she said other things that was sorta of similar to what I wrote above (well not really, but close)
The point is that I'm not alone. Neither are you.
Everyone gets depressed, lost, lonely, and miserable.
It's a message from the heart telling you that you need to let yourself go and relax.
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yeah, i sat back, started writing, and drank some coke and i'm good now! :D
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