Sometimes I laugh, just to let it out.
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:20pm
Thread Topic: Sometimes I laugh, just to let it out.
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Yes, but the future is too f---ing far away. I always feel worthless whenever nobody talks to me, or when I get yelled at. I'm so f---ed up, no one can help me, and that's the worst part. Because no one understands, or wants to understand. I feel alone and I don't want to live like this anymore. Because, frankly, I'm getting sick and tired of waiting for things to get better. That's what every one says. Just wait, thing will get better. But I can't wait. I just can't. I need something different. I need to start my life over. I can't take the wait.
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I used to think like that too, but now when I look back I realize how fast time really has gone. I mean, 4 years ago I felt like things were taking forever, but now I can't believe how fast that went. It's extremely difficult in the moment, when you're in it, but trust me, when you get through things you thought you'd never get through, it feels good. I know how badly you want for time to fly by, but please don't give up on it because it's so slow. Never give up on life. I took things one day at a time, trying to keep myself focused and busy on something, even if just to distract my mind. Days will turn to months, and months into years. It's like putting a drip in the bucket, until it fills up.
I'm sorry, Aub. I know it's hard. I know we don't deserve it. But we just have to keep going. And don't be ashamed to fall. Don't be ashamed to cry. It's release. It's good for you. -
You're too good a friend for me. I'm horrible. I shouldn't ever have been born. And before you deny that, it's true. I was a mistake that was never meant to be here, and in result, God is trying to make my life as hard as possible..
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No sweetheart, that's not true. God isn't trying to make your life hard. Everyone's lives are hard. Everyone at some point has to go through something big to make them stronger, and to learn. Never say you're horrible and should never have been born. If you're here right now, on earth, then there is obviously a reason for it. If you're breathing, there's a reason to be alive. And I'm definitely not too good a friend. I love and care about you, Aubree. I know that you are one of the special people in this world. I can see it in you.
I can say these things in confidence, because I've lived to see a little more. When I was 12, I didn't believe any of this either. I had to learn. And the biggest thing I can tell you is to stop cutting yourself down. You can do anything you set your mind to, if you believe in yourself. -
Well, I've gone through big things already, and they just keep on coming. I can't stop coming back to this. I keep trying to cheer up and be normal like other people, but then I just go and get depressed all over again. I can't even stand myself, so u have no idea how other people can. I just wish I was somebody else. So I didn't hae to deal wih me..
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Why be normal? Why be like everyone else? That's boring. I know how hard it is to take that leap and truly become yourself. But honestly, you are a wonderful person. I love being your friend. It's good to have goals, and things you may want to change, but honey, please, you have to stop looking at yourself as lesser than others. You have to give yourself a break. You're only human.
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But I am lesser than others. And I don't even matter. I don't know why you try to talk to me. I try to be myself but I always end up in tears. So that's why I try to be like everyone else.
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Don't you realize that the fact I'm trying so hard to get you to this that you really aren't as bad as you think you are? You don't need to be like anybody else. You're perfect just the way you are.
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No, I'm not. I'm a brat, and a b----. I'm worthless, and irresponsible. I don't matter. All of you guys do. You people are so amazing to try to help me. But I can't be helped..
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That's absolutely bulls---.
Can you give me your reasoning of how we have more of a right to live than you, my dear? -
Because you guys are nice and caring and willing to help people. I'm just someone who has done everything in their life wrong. I have nearly made everyone in my family hate me at one point and time.
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Wanna hear my stories? I could keep you up all night with my f--- ups and regrets. However, I won't. Because life isn't about being perfect. Life is about learning, and doing your best, and making mistakes. Because without mistakes one cannot get better. The first step to loving, and doing better in life is to first take care of and support yourself. You have to, Audree. You're alive and breathing, there is your answer of potential and greatness.
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I try. But every time I think I'm getting better, something gets all f---ed up and I have to start all over again.
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But dear, just because a situation messes up, doesn't mean you're to blame. Things just happen, most of the time. And you know what, even when you do mess up, you have to give yourself a break. The healthy way to deal with it is to acknowledge when something goes wrong, and pick yourself back up where you fell off. Picture it as if you were a painter (even if whatever you're doing has nothing to do with paint). You're a beginner, and you're not fully satisfied with your work yet. However, it just takes practice and patience.
I love you, Audree. I really want you happy and to be successful. I want to be your mother figure and mentor. If we agree to this relationship, you have to trust me on these things, okay? -
Okay.
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