I feel so worthless Dx (sorry, venting, ignore)
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:16pm
Thread Topic: I feel so worthless Dx (sorry, venting, ignore)
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Okay, so I didn't see any of my friends at all this summer, except for Holly.
My old friends I've known since (some of them) 1st grade, and this year I made a new friend, and joined her "group".
I hadn't realized how divided it was until I was in the middle of the two groups, and during the year I was getting s--- becuz Savannah (a girl in Holly's clique) would say, "You have no friends! All your old friends hate you, and all your new ones don't know you!"
Then my old friends would say, "Why don't you just hang out with your new friends?!" Then "shun" me. -.-
SO I hung out with Holly, but only like three times this summer D:
I was planning on getting rid of my acne with this new pill I'm taking, but f---ing dermatologist it either a dumb-f--- or just a screwy old man.
Either way, it didn't work, and I'm screwed with my terrible zits yet, and all my friends are going to hate me.
All of them, they won't even know me, because they will have all these inside jokes and secrets about each other, while I'm on the outside, being stupid.
My family is just as clueless. My mom, I love her to death, but she doesn't understand. She says I should have Kate over, but I'm half-way in that clique mom, and I haven't seen her since school.
Wtf would I say?
And now a new "Ciara" is coming. That's how she spells her name, and Kate and almost everyone else in my old friend group love her. So I'm going to be "other Sierra" and she's going to be "Ciara".
Not fair.
But thats would I get for being an invert. What did I expect, my friends to keep calling? I don't even have a phone, let alone an iPod or a high-speed computer. -.-
I'm just the dumb, ugly country girl.
And seriously, all of you who think I'm pretty, stop. Compare me to my friends on fb, they are so much more beautiful, and I wonder why no boys ask me out.
I don't talk to them, let alone look at them.
I'm not in band, I'm in "DORKrestra"; I actually like learning and don't try to flirt with boys any time the teacher turns his back; I feel uncomfortable anytime a boy sits at our table.
Last year I had panic attacks. I never told you guys because I thought they'd go away, I just said I was depressed, but I was so stressed with the schedule in school, and all the new stuff that was happening, and I realized that I wasn't a kid anymore.
So for the first month I was a wreck. I'd cry almost everyday in the morning. At home my eyes would be red and puffy, and I'd ask my mom if I could stay home because "I felt sick." When really I just wanted to stay home and have her take care of me like when I was a kid.
Then when I did have to go to school, I'd have to hide it by bringing eye-liner to fix the smears, and cry quietly when I was changing for gym, because everyone was screaming and laughing, so it was loud enough not to be heard.
My friends didn't notice. They kept giving me s--- for being half-in, half-out.
But how could I stay? -
awwhhh MN buddy!!!! *hugs*
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Excuse my capital letters, but I feel a point really needs to be made.
*WE ALL HAVE ACNE, IT'S NOT AS BIG OF A DEAL OR AS NOTICEABLE AS YOU THINK IT IS. YOU'RE GOING THROUGH PUBERTY AND OF COURSE WILL GET IT. JUST CONTINUE TO TAKE CARE OF IT, AND IT'LL EVENTUALLY FADE.
*STOP b----ING ABOUT YOUR APPEARANCE. YOU'RE PRETTIER THAN I AM, YOU'RE PRETTIER THAN MOST GIRLS I KNOW. SURE, YOU AREN'T PERFECT BUT YOU ARE NOWHERE NEAR UGLY AND YOU SHOULD APPRECIATE THE FACE YOU HAVE. I WOULD MURDER TO BE HALF AS PRETTY AS YOU ARE.
*STOP GOING AFTER THESE "CLIQUES" OR WHATEVER. POPULARITY IS NOT WHAT YOU WANT, GO AFTER ONE OR TWO FRIENDS WHO ACTUALLY f---ING LIKE YOU. AND I KNOW, BECAUSE FOR YEARS I WENT AFTER POPULARITY, GOT IT AND THEN REALIZED HOW BIG OF A MISTAKE IT WAS.
*YOU DON'T NEED A BOYFRIEND AT THE AGE AND MATURITY YOU ARE. I'M NOT EVEN READY FOR ONE. WAIT FOR CHRISTS SAKE, IT'S NOT A LIFETIME NEED.
*Cough* Sorry. But seriously... You don't have a hard life, you just make it hard with your own actions. I don't want you to turn out, well, like most girls I know. -
hehe Kaitie,, i would have said that but i dont wanna get b----slapped by someone whos venting, theyre usually not very happy at the moment...
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:) Thanks MN buddy.
It cut me off
I can't do sports, I suck. All I can do is run, and nobody does that. They think it's stupid. So I'm doing volleybal, which I suck at, to make my mom happy. I like it, but eveyone else is so good. I just like the conditioning. Running, and wall sits, and sit ups, and killers. They all hate it, but I'd rather do that then actualy play. I've tried to say this but they never really listen, they just look at me crazy.
I want to take art classes, but we're trying to save money for a spring break trip. So I can't do that, can't even take violin lessons anymore, except for the ones the school provides.
It all sucks,and to top it off, I feel depressed again. I don't show anyone, I'm just venting now. But I've thought about cutting myself.
This morning I tried it on a metal wire thing that you chop hard-boiled eggs with (you probably have no idea what I'm talking about) but it felt good.
To know i was doing something I was controling, that I could see and I know that I did it.
It's stupid, insanely stupid, I know, I tell others not to.
This is really long, and I've got mroe to say, but I gotta go bye -
sisi, you can do track if you like running, cant you?
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Late post.
I know Kaitie, but no body understands that here. That having a boy-friend isn't the best thing ever, and that beauty isn't what makes you popular.
They don't get it. -
you need to move an hour and a half south east of where you live.. then you'd live by me... where i guess there's more umm 'nice' people..? :P
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Hmm... Well, maybe you could look for someone else to hang out with. It'll be hard, but I'm sure there's someone there that you could really like. "They" clearly aren't what you're looking for, sweetie :\
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AND PLEASE DON'T CUT YOURSELF. If you want, I can show you my own scars in some way and let me tell you this: That'll be another thing they can make fun of you about, and another thing you have to hide.. I know from experience. Just, please, no.
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@ Kaitie, i played lacrosse against her town one time, most people who live there are not too nice of people..
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@CM Oh :\ Sounds like P.A. I was thinking, maybe a nerdy kid who doesn't have a lot of friends or company. I used to hang out with one, and they were one of the funnest people I've ever hung out with.
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@Cm :) Yesh! I love track, but that'd leave me with all the kids from North Jr. High 0.0
God, they are scary there *shudders*
I should move! MN buddies together at last. xD
@Kaitie :) Thank you. You make a lot of good points.
But finding new friends would be leaving my old ones entirely. I mean, thats what I want, but after nearly 6 years, to through it all away... Ugh, I know that sounds really stupid, but it would be like getting rid off an old toy. You don't play with it and you don't need it, but you still want it because of its "sentimental value". :/ But if the toy doesn't like you, and you don't like the toy....
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