Shrouded despair and forgotten ambitions
- Locked by Br0wnieBunny on Nov 23, '24 12:03amReason: thread owner request
Thread Topic: Shrouded despair and forgotten ambitions
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A million things I should’ve said…
This is just a lesson that no matter what you ask, even something as small as pronouns, people will always shift the blame onto you.
So apparently it’s my fault if you haven’t been using my pronouns?! How the FŲCK is it MY fault?!!
I don’t fųcking care if I don’t left the house over the weekend. It’s two fųcking days, I think I’ll live. But what the fųck does that have to do with my pronouns?! -
I’m so fųcking tired of this…
I feel so inferior
Everything hurts
I just want to cry
But then people won’t stop asking what’s wrong. They won’t go away, even if I tell them nicely. If someone tells you to go away, just leave. You’re doing more harm than good if you stick around and they’ve made it very clear they don’t want to to watch them cry. I feel like it’d be obvious. -
I’m not going to explain myself. Go f--- yourself. I can be trans if I want to. And I will, little b----. If I need to explain why and how and other bulls--- then you can go f--- yourself. I don’t need to justify who I am.
I shouldn’t be feeling like this after therapy. I should be feeling happier and more and peace and s--- like that. But everything just feels so much worse the moment I get home. I’m so tired of this. -
Are distractions good or bad?
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Why do I even try?
All she does is make me feel terrible. She ruins a mildly good mood and makes me want to have a breakdown. -
I hate myself.
And my family.
I wish I didn’t have to be here. It would be so much easier… -
Antidepressants it is
I can’t see the next few weeks getting better -
Some people can be abusive sometimes
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That’s bulls---
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I hate it when my friends make fun of me
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Everybody seems to want to give me a breakdown today
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I f---ing hate this house. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to keep having anxiety attacks and triggers caused my f---ing mother.
I wish I could just run away. I wish my mother wasn’t a f---ing bully and I wish my hands would stop shaking. I don’t want to go to school. I hate it after three weeks. I don’t want to live here anymore. I’m holding onto the hope that things will get better but they only get worse. Sometimes I want to end this pain, sometimes I wish I never existed, but I can’t tell anyone because I don’t want to worry. I can’t tell my therapist because she’ll tell my mum and my mum will yell at me. I can’t tell my sister because she’s f---ing young and I can’t scare her. I can’t tell my dad because he won’t take me seriously and my mum will find out. I can’t tell my “friends” because they’ll think I’m crazy and overreacting.
I f---ing hate everything about my life right now. I have nothing to lose and nothing to gain. Everything hurts and I wish I could sleep tonight instead of dwelling on everything.
I can never be who I want because I’m too scared of asking for the boy’s uniform and I can’t make friends and I’ll never be able to say I don’t want people to make fun of me or shout. They’ll call me crazy or anxious or stupid. And then my mum will yell.
The only time I say what I mean is when I get mad, then my phone is taken off me or I’m punished for speaking my mind. Half the time I don’t even shout and I’m calm but I still get in trouble.
What is this? -
I hate myself and my life and everything. The only think driving me is false hope. I’ll never be something. My voice will never be heard and I’ll never be out of this place.
And I can never be honest with anybody. -
What a great way to start the day
Being yelled at and being signed up for something I don’t want to do -
It’s like my mum wants to give me anxiety
She started yelling at me last night because I corrected her of my pronouns. And straight after I corrected her she used the wrong pronouns again. She’s so f---ing ignorant.
And I can’t even speak up. She can scream at me about how empathetic and passionate I’m not, but it’s not like she’s much better. I’m done being scared.
I’ve endured bullies. I’ve been picked on multiple times at school in the past week. I’ve had anxiety attacks in school, too. There’s pretty much nothing she can do to make my life more miserable.
Fine, take away my phone if you want. But it’s not like my friends want to contact me.
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