Hansel
Thread Topic: Hansel
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Anyway, when she left to go to the store yesterday, I took the hard drive and put all my music back on. My brother helped me, so I just wanna say he’s the best. :D
Now, that’s why I’m half happy.
Why I’m half UNhappy is because it feels like my mom favors my brother over me. I know it isn’t true, I know she loves her children equally, but when I decided to come to her because I was depressed, she didn’t do anything to help me. I feel terrible with how I acted, especially since my brother has ADHD and I don’t. I guess it makes me feel like I shouldn’t have put my mental health over his. I understand. I know my mom should help him more than she should help me, but it hurts. I don’t want to be told, “go read the Bible” or “Go ask God to help you.” I wanted to be comforted. I wanted help. I know I shouldn’t have depended on her to help me find something to make me feel less depressed, but she’s my mom. I wanted HER comfort. I wanted HER help. -
She literally said to me right after I told her why I was depressed. About what happened on that game a long time ago and how it’s effected me.
“Your brother has had my time for years, so now I need to focus on you. If he needs help, he can ask for my help.”
And it made me feel HAPPY. But the thing is he didn’t ask for help, he said he doesn’t need help.
I doubt it. He doesn’t look like he’s in a good place mentally. And I support him. I just want someone to support ME too. -
So now, since it’s been a while since I told her about my depression, I’ve finally decided that I need to help myself. I shouldn’t rely on my mother to find a way to help me. If she wants to focus on my brother’s mental health and not mine as well, fine. I just feel like you should focus on how ALL of your children are doing. You can’t pick one or the other. I do agree that if one is doing worse, then you should try to focus on that one more. But please, please don’t offer one a chance to feel better and the other none.
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Either my mom is really dense, or just stupid.
She has SEEN my scars from when I had an unhealthy coping method. She BELIEVED that it were just scars from chickens, despite how many there were and how they were in certain spots of my body. And she didn’t even question me when I lied to her.
Only once. They were on my knees. Many of them. It was when she had locked GTQ and I couldn’t access the forums. Quotev was out of the question as well.
She asked me if I was “one of those psychopaths that hurts themselves.”
I said no. I said they were from the chickens.
And she didn’t think anything of it.
Sometimes I wish she would take a look behind the lies and realize what they really were. Most of the time, because of how she asks those questions, I then realize it’s better she didn’t know.
I should help myself. -
There’s this thing I do whenever I’m upset. I pretend I’m on a talkshow. That I’m a famous person. The reporter asks me questions. How do you feel about this? What do you wish to say to that person who made you feel this way? Etcetcetc.
It always makes me feel better. More confident too. I can have conversations with that person, and everything’s okay. But she isn’t real. I know it isn’t real, but I’d rather live in a daydream than deal with reality. -
I guess I made up a therapist. Woo, go me. You’ve officially become a nut. Bravo.
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That's so sad I'm glad you got your music back though :( your feelings are valid and I hope your mom gives you the attention you need, I know from personal experience tho that parents won't always notice things or see if smth is wrong unless you let them know personally
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*hugs* Thank you Spice. 💖
Strange thing is that a day after I posted all that, she asked me if I felt unvalidated or felt that she wasn’t giving me the attention I felt like I needed and if I was feeling depressed.
🎶strangggeeee things are happening to me🎶 -
I have a really hard time controlling my anger. It’s easier online and when I’m in public, but it’s also really hard because I’ll start getting emotional and then suddenly I’ll be crying in frustration.
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My mom said my communication skills were really bad since I don’t want to talk it out with people and usually resort to being cold and just flat out rude towards them.
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To be fair, would she rather I use my fists? Not that I ever would, but sometimes people look really slappable.
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But to get me angry like that, someone needs to push my buttons. Really hard.
Like for example, if someone starts mocking me in a ‘funny’ way, I’m going to get pissed off because I’m incredibly dense so I take things literally. I know when something’s a joke, but at the same time I get confused. -
Yeah, I need to work on my communication skills and apologize to my mom for getting angry at her like that.
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To be fair though, I can adjust my bra my own f---ing self. I may be 13, but I’m not f---ing useless. I can decipher what games are bad and what games are good. I’m. Not. Useless.
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My poor dad probably thought I was angry at him while in the meantime I was indirectly trying to push my mom’s buttons
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