Swarms of negativity
- Locked due to inactivity on Jun 6, '22 3:54am
Thread Topic: Swarms of negativity
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Some people romanticise their own grief and negativity or health issues, both mental and physical. While they may desperately want to fix themselves and heal, they will not actually be willing to try. Instead they will convince themselves it is the world against them and that they are a lonely survivor, tormented and led through Hell. They will thrive off their own misery like it is a fountain to their life, all while asking why others don't want to help them or change themselves for them. They will yell and bite and snarl, crying out how nobody loves them or wants to let them in- but they won't make the effort to speak to them, or change their pov that everybody is destined to hate them and shut them out. Of course the world seems dark when you refuse to turn the lights on. Advice will be turned down, and comfort will go unappreciated. There will be plenty of people you will meet like that, who cry when in the dark but refuse to step outside of it
And, it's okay to walk away from that. To decide you don't want to stay in the dark with them. Bc you can't help somebody who refuses to accept it, or doesn't even want it no matter how much they claim to and cry for it. I see many of you younger users who so desperately want to help your friends and be that beacon of light- but some people will see that light, smash it to pieces and then cry about not being able to see again. They may even only want to make others feel their negativity, or even dismiss your own struggles by saying theirs is greater, more important, far worse and more tragic than yours could ever be. And they'll lead you in circles over their claims that nobody cares for them, all while you repeat over and over again that you do and it's genuine.
So I just want to remind you kids, if you're ever faced with a person like that- who's existence is that of toxic negativity and self loathing-
You're allowed to walk away. You can say you've had enough. That is not a healthy relationship and never will be, until they're willing to fix themselves. And even then, there's a lot of work that needs to be done from them first -
THANK YOU THIS IS SO IMPORTANT
You are not obligated to maintain someone's happiness or carry their burdens for them. If someone is a negative influence in your life, it's okay to choose to cut them off. Take care of yourselves đź’› -
Thank you. I feel like this should be pinned
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Or this can be temporarily pinned today? Some people NEED to hear this
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I doubt this thread will make it to even the second page anytime soon. It won't need to be pinned
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Lol hahaha let’sa spam!
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Also thank u Acrimony. I know a lot of people who struggle with a feeling of being in debt to toxic individuals either because of their familial relation or a sense of owing something to them. You don't owe anyone anything. People make their own choices. Your mother chose to have you. Maybe your friend chose to buy you something one time and now you feel in debt to them. You don't owe them your companionship because of their choices.
If people try to leverage their spontaneous kindness to undo the constant abuse they spill out onto those around them you should be very concerned. It's a symptom of narcissism or other underlying personality disorders that can damage your self esteem. Relationships should be build off mutual trust and respect, not leverage or pity. -
I realize my point is different than yours but I guess I just wanted to further what you were saying about toxic and negative individuals. Often people who are negative towards you will try to make you feel guilty for not wanting to associate with them and it's important to realize it's not your job to pity them or associate with them out of a sense of fear or duty.
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True! I totally agree! You can suggest or ask for help, but you should not feel guilty for not helping UNLESS you said that you will and go back on your word.
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My friends mom literally spent their rent money on bars and hookups and then when she mentioned not having anything to eat or needing money for sanitary products or literally any need she had her mother called her selfish for not appreciating what she did have. Does this sound familiar? If a loved one tries to make you feel guilty for wanting things or like you're ungrateful for having expectations then they might be a narcissist. Were you a scapegoat kid? Did your parent give all their love to your sibling and blame all the problems on you?
If you relate to any of this I'd seriously recommend doing more research on it and consider joining an online support group for people with narcissistic family members. The effects of dealing with an family member who used you as their therapist, blamed all their problems on you, or literally any other toxic behaviour can damage your self image and make it really hard for you to maintain interpersonal relationships. You're not the problem. You're not a bad person for putting yourself first. -
Sorry I keep bringing it back to narcissism. I realize that your post is talking about something different I just really feel like it's an important topic that goes hand in hand with what you're saying and doesn't get talked about enough
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I think what mint is trying to say is that it is alright to help people, but you need to care for yourself to. You are your own person, and you should not feel like you belong to someone else.
Is that what you were trying to say, mint? -
I always try to help everyone. I guess you realize after a certain amount of asking if people are alright- you kinda get the sense that you cant keep pausing your own life to try and be there for someone who doesnt even value your time with them.
I dont think its a good idea to completely step away from them, but just dont devote yourselves to that person as if you are obliged to helping them -
I agree as well. And I know it may seem hard to turn away, but you don’t have to feel sad for people’s problems if they are not trying to fix them and it won’t help them if they don’t want your help
As to people who are not solving their own problems and don’t care for people trying to help them, plz SHAT OP -
Well of course but I was specifically talking about
relationships with narcissistic people. What I was trying to say was exactly what I said.
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