Dancing In The Rain
Thread Topic: Dancing In The Rain
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Suddenly I'm less to you
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I need someone to talk to but I don't want anyone to worry but I'm struggling right now
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My chest feels like it's caving in I hate it when this happens
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I need to breathe I'm trying why is it so hard to breathe why can't I be normal I wish this didn't happen to me
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I can't let anybody see me cry because then they'll ask questions and they'll ask what's wrong and I won't be able to answer because the only thing that's wrong is me
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Why can't I just be normal I wish I didn't have these problems I wish I didn't have trouble breathing I wish I could just be happier I wish I could be stronger than this but I'm not
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I feel like I'm just the extra, the plan B, a toy that's played with until there's something better
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People always say "Being special makes you, you" and yeah I know that but you have no idea what I go through, you don't know what it feels like to be hurting while everyone goes about their day and you have to act like everything's fine so you don't screw things up for everyone else
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It's not that I refuse to reach out because of some superiority complex or that I take pride in "suffering in silence" I can't reach out because everyone else is fine and I don't want to ruin things for them I can't stop crying
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Why is this happening to me
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But then again why not
Better me than someone else, I can take it because no matter how much people throw at me I haven't broken yet -
I can keep going and I will keep going and my life will be a testament to the God who has made me, I will be an example that there is always hope and that it's never the end, even when you wish the ground would open up and swallow you
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I don't know what qualifies as a mental breakdown or an anxiety attack is and I don't want to assume but that definitely felt like it
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When I die, because one day I will, I just hope my life amounts to something
Everyone I love, everyone I cherish will all die one day. I will lose everyone and everything I claimed on this earth, whether it's by me going first or them. But I know that there is a Father who loves me unconditionally, even if I am a screw up. He's watching my suffering, my struggles, and He's given me the strength to overcome it.
He lets me reach my own goals, win my own victories but is always there to catch me when I hit rock bottom. I am never truly alone because even if everyone turns their back on me, He loves me. He will always love me -
One day, I will die. But not today.
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