A Vent Thread
- Locked due to inactivity on Feb 4, '21 3:54am
Thread Topic: A Vent Thread
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VENTACCOUNT Novice× If you post in here, it will be ignored.
× This thread is for venting purposes, for me to cope.
× No, I will not talk to anyone. Please don't assume I will. I'm not a person who is good at giving out advice.
× No, I will not be documenting names. They will go by one of the letters of the alphabet that does not correspond to their name. -
Right...
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VENTACCOUNT NoviceI got a message from P the other day about the situation down there, and it bothers me. A isn't taking care of his dogs. P said that he could see the ribs of the dogs, and that vines had grown up on the cage doors. The vines had grown so bad the doors wouldn't budge. He said he had to clean out their bowls because they were caked in mud, and when he went to clean them out and put fresh water in, they drank the water from the ground. It makes me mad.
And it makes me think of the situation I'm stuck in now. E is always angry all of the time. It doesn't matter what the situation is, or what happens, he's pissed at someone...or something. And he won't even take care of his own dog...I have to, and whenever P is here, he has to. I am so close to my breaking point. I can't handle life in general anymore. -
VENTACCOUNT NoviceE didn't come out of the room at all today. He didn't even walk his dog. He sent me a text message throwing s--- up in my face. It pissed me off. On top of that, me and D got into an argument today, and we normally don't do that. We both are just under so much pressure right now, it's ridiculous. I am nervous about P coming back home, just because of everything that has went down since he has left. It's been really s---ty.
Me and M talked in the car, because I am concerned for everyone's safety, especially with how E has been acting. It's gotten crazier over the past month. I honestly feel that he might hurt her, and as of right now there is nothing I can do that wouldn't cause chaos. I am trying to find a solution by getting advice from my fellow employees, and friends. I do want to try to rent an apartment out, but that in itself is going to be a pain. -
Wow, you can talk, dude.
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VENTACCOUNT NoviceMe and P don't get to talk that much anymore. He's working four straight days from 8 a.m-8 p.m. I honestly feel like that is taking a toll on me. And, I don't want to vent to him (because he has enough going on). He always sounds so exhausted and tired when we talk, and it bothers me. It bothers me that his mom doesn't care...
Yesterday, I was at work for the first half of the day. It was going as well as it could, considering. I got a good ol' text from D and he was aggravated. I understood why when I get home. I won't go into detail, but H had to go to the hospital. It was bad. And E (whom is his son), was laughing about it. I hate it, because when H does pass away...it's going to hit me, P and D the most. It's also going to take a toll on S, whom I haven't talked about much. She is a key factor in all of this, but for reasons I won't go into right now.
I have a few people I talk to, but not often. I realize people have their own problems, as do I. I want to be that person that helps. I know what its like to have no on to turn to. I guess that's why I started this. -
VENTACCOUNT NoviceMe and P talked last night. I hate that he works these long days, and when we do talk it's not long, because we both are so exhausted. I can't wait for him to come back. Maybe things will be better.
E is finally starting to walk his dog, but he won't let him out to eat or drink. I'm having to do that. I know I'm going to have to buy a flea and tick collar for my dogs. S knows about it, but I don't know what she's going to do. Money is tight, and it's rough, but we make it. D went out to town today, and I'm trying to keep him updated on everything. E has came out of his bedroom a total of 4 times today, which, I guess in itself should be held as a record. I know that makes me sound like a terrible person, but if you all were here, you'd understand.
I have felt really depressed and anxious these past couple of days. I don't know what to do about it, because everything I try just makes it worse. I talked to S and she just says, "Pray to Jesus. It'll be okay." I hate that religion is her turn to for everything. I really just want someone to talk to that is unbiased. That's it. Like, I know I have people to talk to...it's just I don't want to bother them. Everyone has their own problems, and I just feel like I'd be more of a burden if I did say something. -
VENTACCOUNT NoviceI am so mad today. Normally, I don't like to confront my emotions, but today it's just a natural reaction to everything. E is probably mad about what I said last night, but I really don't care at this point. He is a grown ass man, who needs to take some responsibility. Everytime I state facts (that aren't even remotely about him) he takes offense to it, and like I told my cousin last night, "If the shoe fits, wear it." I have even talked to S about my mental health, and how it has been impacted since I moved in because of E's attitude. She just constantly tells me to pray to Jesus, and that I need to get signed up on Medicaid so I can get therapy.
I do agree with her on the therapy aspect, but I honestly see no point in going if my home situation doesn't improve. And to top it all of, me amd D are going to be stuck at home all day. I am sick of this. I want to go out like a normal teenager and have fun. I have been restricted my whole life, and this just adds on top of that. All my life is going to be, is encased within four walls. I don't want to live like this anymore.
I am getting pushed aside, and can't even have a relationship with my mother anymore. I don't feel confident in talking to her. I want to, but I don't. Everything I do just causes an argument, and a fight. It's always like this, no matter where I go. But I keep pushing myself aside for others, and I'm not anymore. I am sick of it. I am sick of me not focusing on my dreams, and focusing on the people on my life instead, because as soon as you can't/stop helping them they drop you like a sack of bricks. -
I know this post will just be ignored, but it sounds like you are going through a lot of really hard situations and I just want you to know that someone cares. <3
I am so sorry that you are going through this, and it sounds like it's been going on for a really long time. That must be so wearing and stressful on you. Not to mention frustrating. (And probably beyond that.)
It sounds like you are trying so hard to stay strong and put on a brave face, especially for those around you, but you are seriously hurting.
I don't know what it's like to experience what you are going through, but I do know what it feels like to not want to burden anyone with your problems so you can't really talk to anyone, but your internal self is screaming to be heard.
And like you said, sometimes it helps to let it all out to people outside of your normal circles. Anyway, I don't have all the answers (though I wish I did) and I don't really know what to say, but I can listen and I do care.
If you want me to just stay silent or to stop reading your posts that's okay, but if you don't mind a comment back or two and ever need someone to talk to I'm here :)
Hope things get better for you <3 -
thanks
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VENTACCOUNT Novice[Commenting is okay. I promise I don't ignore them, but I don't like to respond. I feel it takes things on a personal level. You can read, it may help someone eventually. Help people understand that talking, or venting does help.]
Today is one of those days where my mental health isn't doing to great. I am tired mentally, physically and emotionally. On top of that, I have to be at work in a little less than two hours, and talk to my boss about something. This is exhausting. I am still a teenager, but I feel like I've been an adult for far longer than most people that are around my age. I still get the comments of, "Well, you act so mature for your age."
I don't like when people tell me that, because they don't understand the pain and troubles I went through to get where I am today. I think about my past on a daily basis, and it's hard not to. Especially when you see the people who did those things. And they act like everything is fine. But, I do what they do. Fake a smile, and pretend nothing has happened, regardless of how hard my heart beats in my chest. I have to keep my composure until they leave, then I go to the bathroom, and cry.
I feel if I write anymore it will just become an incomprehensible mess. A reflection of my true state of mind. -
VENTACCOUNT NoviceEverything keeps playing in my head over and over. I can't breath when I think about the things that happened. I keep telling myself I will be fine. I keep trying to write, or draw and I can't. I feel if I talked about it, I would just break down and cry. I have pushed back these feelings for so long, that when I hear myself talk about them and the things that happened, its unreal. And the fact that I constantly battle with myself over it. I am tired.
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VENTACCOUNT JuniorTrigger Warning-Abuse
It's been almost two weeks since she messaged me those things. I still feel bile rose up in my throat when I think about it. What did I ever do to her to accuse me of something like that? That is vile...and for her to stoop so low and accuse me of that. I feel gross, and dirty. And to my own father, of all people?!?! And then she says that I abused her, when it isn't true. It has been two years, and I still have really bad depressive episodes, and I have flashbacks.
I still have a picture of the skull, and pencil box you threw at me, that missed my head by an inch. They shattered into the floor next to me. You throwing my stuff out of my bedroom window, then when you all moved telling all of dad's family that I did that. It's been TWO years, and I still remember everything you all have done. Do you know how BAD that f---s with me, now that I'm an adult?
I just want to talk to my dad and my sister, but apparently I lost that privilege when I decided I was going to do what was best for me. And now, you are probably twisting everything I say. What did I do to deserve this? That's what I want to ask, because I TRIED to be a perfect child. I don't know what I did that was so atrocious to you, other than following my heart, and freeing myself from the abuse you dealt out MY ENTIRE LIFE. -
VENTACCOUNT JuniorI hate this feeling. I hate worrying. I don't wamt to do this anymore. I feel like I dont have anyone to talk to. I honestly feel as if I am more of a problem than anything else. I want to be helpful; but the way my mind is, I can't. I am so busy focusing on family members who non-stop call me than myself. And on top of that, I hate my appearance. I don't even want to go out in public.
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VENTACCOUNT JuniorIt's not even just about talking anymore. The more I talk the more tired I get. I feel like everything I say just hits a brick wall. We keep having arguments, and spats. I am pushing everyone away from me; and I don't know how to fix this mess. If it isn't something from from my family, it's from his. I know they see me as low down scum who isn't fit for him, but why try putting on a facade of niceness? Why go through the effort if you are just going throw my name in the dirt? I can even recognize my old thought patterns coming back and I don't like it.
I am truly stuck. I have no one to turn to. Not anymore. I just want to hold my head into a pillow and scream.
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