My random rant thread
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:31pm
Thread Topic: My random rant thread
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Did you ever feel like no one really cared? That you could just do whatever the heck you wanted and no one would notice? They would turn their back to your pain and suffering, and write off your misery as "short lived."
I suppose that's how I feel. Everywhere I go, people close their eyes to my hurting. My parents don't notice, and my sister is too wrapped up in her own life to notice mine. I try to text my friends, but it always seems like there's something more important than me. Oftentimes, I don't know what it is. Taking three hours to text back doesn't make me feel better about how much you claim to care about me. You can spit all this crap about "dropping anything" for me, but your actions don't show it.
For those of you who knew me before I took a "break," yes I still struggle with depression and all that. Some things never change, right? :/
I don't know why people close their eyes. I really don't think I'm THAT good of an actress that they just don't notice. They turn away; try to avoid me.
Am I the only one? -
sometimes (but hardley ever) do i feel like this. its mostly only in deep times of depression.
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I feel like this a lot
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You're alone. You can't deny it, and you're not going to try. You can feel it, the isolation, flowing through you like the blood in your veins. You can't change it, no matter how hard you try. You're doomed to isolation, so you may as well accept it.
Even though I wrote that in second person, that's how I feel. Everywhere I go, somehow, I'm being left out. Even among my friends, there are things I can't keep up with, conversations I'm left out of. Group chats were invented by the devil himself. We'll be chatting along about some random topic. Out of the blue, a reference is made that I don't understand (and they're aware that I don't understand), and suddenly I feel like a third wheel. They continue their own private conversation, and I start to wonder why I'm even in this chat at all. Why don't I just leave? Because that would make me look like an attention whore, just asking for pity.
Maybe I'll have been gone for a bit. One month, one hour, whatever. Conversations arose, and everyone is telling all these epic jokes that I don't get, talking on subjects where I have no clue whatsoever what happened. Do they fill me in? Hell no. They try to keep a double conversation going, leaving me in the cold with no hope for being caught up on the subject.
The worst part about it, is that I can't fix it. No matter what I do, I know that I can't fix this, no matter how hard I try. I'll always be left on the outside, it's just how my life is set up. I don't have the benefits other people do, and I can't read minds (especially over the Internet). There's no way for me to be able to fix being left out, ever.
I'll always be left out, alone. That's just who and how I'm destined to be. -
Happiness is a temporary high. Eventually, it will fade away, and I'm left again with the broken pieces of my "life." People can make me happy and help me enjoy life for a little, but eventually, it fades away. Those same people can piss me off just as easily, or make me feel worthless and unwanted.
Sometimes, it's easier to not feel a thing; to just be numb to the world and its delusions. To feel nothing. That's how I would get rid of the pain. No happiness, I'm not deserving of that. No pain, I can't deal with much more. Just nothingness...
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