Man.
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:28pm
Thread Topic: Man.
-
I tell myself I should live for two reasons.
The first one is communism. I love communism. I'm the only person I know actively supporting it.
The second is that I'm too chickens--- to actually do it.
But I've been thinking. Communism is a social system. It involves working to the best of your ability and helping other people.
I can't do any of that s---.
I'm abjectly terrified of human beings. No matter how much I want to, I can't interact with them. I'm too damn sensitive to lights, sounds, and feelings and even the smallest thing makes me want to run away into a corner.
I can't even think straight anymore. I'm having trouble forming coherent sentences. I've been typing for 30 minutes.
I probably failed that last essay because I forgot how to format. I forgot how to structure a paragraph.
I don't even do anything. I washed some dishes and swept the floor, that was it. I don't actually give back to the community. I'm too weak.
What kind of a communist is that?
I'm not a communist, I'm a coward. I'll never be a communist, and I was foolish to think I ever was one in the first place.
And there went the last good reason I had to be alive. No, I'm not going to commit suicide. That's just trite. Couldn't do anyway. -
Appay, you're not weak. If you're weak then I'm weak. The very fact that you want to do something positive for this world means you're more useful than anyone who is either neutral or wants to actively destroy the world. We all have times in our lives where we're not at our strongest capability. I really do understand where you're coming from since I'm trying to keep my life on track as well.
Take care of yourself. You could be feeling burnt out from caring so much about others and even just the future in general. You won't be able to help anyone if you don't first value your own needs. Even though we don't live under a system that really helps those in need, maybe starting small and volunteering at your favorite cause will help you feel more useful. I understand though how you feel about interacting with others, so maybe you'd do better in a behind the scenes way of helping. All I can say is don't count yourself out. There is always a way for you to make a difference in this world, no matter how small it may be at the moment.
You've gone through so much and you've made it this far. Don't let whatever negative forces in your life win. You can overcome this and make a world of a difference for people. Life is long, give it time, and remember that there are people here that care about you, that love you and value you. I know I'm just some stranger on the internet but I think you're awesome and people like you are what this world needs. If you ever want to talk or just need someone to listen, you can contact me. -
I'm terrified of human beings also! So f---ing crawly and nosy... Make my skin shiver...
This thread is locked, therefore no new posts can be made.
