Underage Users - Please Read
- Locked due to inactivity on Dec 14, '23 3:54am
Thread Topic: Underage Users - Please Read
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When I was 12-13, I entered a friendship with an adult online. Back then, though I knew the age-gap was unconventional, I thought that I had the awareness to protect myself. I was wrong. Nine years later, I'm still dealing with the effects of this relationship. There are parts of me I shared that I can never take back, that are still out there in the world and no amount of regret will change it.
Let's talk about grooming and online safety.
Yes, I know. You probably get lectures like this at school all the time. You probably think you know better. And maybe you do, but please, take a moment to read through this post. You might learn something that can save you, or a friend, from the same fate I fell to.
Grooming -- What is it?
Grooming is when someone , often with a position of power over yourself, builds a relationship with you in order to get something from you. They build a connection, get you to trust them, and become a close friend to you. Then, they weaponize that trust.
Grooming is not exclusive to online relationships, nor is it exclusive to romantic relationships. It can also happen at any age, to any age, whether it's adult to child, adult to adult, or child to child. For the purposes of this post about minor safety, we will be focusing mostly on adult-to-child grooming, but know that some topics may apply to different age groups.
What does grooming look like?
This is the most important part. Let's talk signs of grooming.
🧩Gifts - Groomers will often use gifts of objects, money, or favours to gain trust and make you feel indebted to them.
🧩Excessive Compliments - Frequent compliments, praise, and flattery are used to make you feel special and valued when you are with them.
🧩Love Bombing - "Love bombing" is when someone showers you with "love" in a short amount of time. Excessive compliments and gifts (see above) can be part of this.
🧩Emotional Dependence - The groomer makes you rely on them emotionally. You may feel like they are the only person who understands you, and the only person you can talk to in times of need.
🧩Secretive Behaviour - They ask you to keep your relationship with them a secret from people in your life, whether this be from your parents or even peers.
🧩Isolation - They begin to talk badly about your family and/or friends, forcing them to be the only person you can trust.
🧩Testing Boundaries - The groomer may begin testing your boundaries, gradually introducing activities and behaviours you may have been previously opposed to.
🧩Personal Questions - They ask personal questions, prying for more information about your private life. NEVER share personal information online, even to people you think are the same age as you. Use strong passwords online, and be aware of privacy settings on social media.
🧩Trying Really Hard to Befriend You - They try really hard to get you to like them or to become your friend. This may involve some of the tactics above.
🧩Fixation on Age - They may use language such as "mature for your age" to refer to you a lot. They may also discuss your age frequently, bringing it up in conversations. In addition, they may focus intently on "age of consent."
🧩Threats or Blackmail - They attempt to threaten or blackmail you to be silent or to obtain illicit material from you.
🧩Sexual Topics - The groomer begins gradually introducing sexual topics of conversation or sexual content into discussions with you. They may share explicit photos of themself or ask you to share explicit material.
Next Steps
Once you realize the relationship is abusive, you may feel scared and helpless as to what steps to take next. Here are some things you can do if you realize you are being groomed:
Stop Talking To Them
Cease communication with the person. If the website or app you are contacting them through has a block feature, you should also block them from contacting you again.
Tell a Trusted Adult
Tell a trusted adult about what's happening. This may be your parent, a relative, a school counselor or teacher, a doctor, a coach, or any other adult you feel comfortable speaking to. Here is a list of ways to start the conversation.
Report Them
If they have tried to send you sexual images, messages, or asked you to send them sexual images or messages, you can report the incident or ask a trusted adult to report it for you. If you live in the United States, you can report to CyberTip. If you live in the United Kingdom, you can report to Childline. HERE is a list of other international resources for child exploitation and abuse.
What if it's on GTQ?
If someone of any age is making you uncomfortable or asking you to share illicit material, report the incident immediately. You may do so privately or publicly to the moderators here, in addition to taking any necessary steps above. If you are reporting to moderators privately, I would urge you to tell more than one moderator if you can, to ensure that everyone is held accountable.
Additional Resources
This post is by no means a comprehensive list. Childline has a great page about grooming which I took many lines from. Other resources about signs of grooming include RAINN, victimsupport.org, Darkness To Light, and other resources I mentioned under the "Report Them subject. If you have additional resources or input, please feel free to share in this thread.
Above all else, please know that you are not alone. There are people here to support you. If someone is doing something that makes you feel uneasy or uncomfortable, even if it isn't listed here, trust your gut. Tell a trusted adult. It is better to be safe than to not say anything and regret it.
(I am an independent moderator. This post is not affiliated with any organized effort from the moderation team.)Moderator -
Please take the time to read this yall !
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Thank you so much for saying this. No adult with good intentions should ever seek out an intimate/romantic relationship like that with you. Even though it may feel nice to get attention and praise, it is important to get people like this as far away from you as possible. Don't be scared to establish your boundaries and only share what you're comfortable with sharing.
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Exactly, Spice! Thank you for adding that.
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Thank you for sharing this and everyone should read this and try to learn more so that they don’t fall victim to any of these methods. I also think that one point you didn’t discuss is that you have to learn how to say no to people. If you never learn it can lead you to uncomfortable or possibly dangerous situations.
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That is also important. Thank you for sharing, Cartradora. It can be very difficult to say no, but there is absolutely no shame in stepping away from a situation that makes you uncomfortable.
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Thank you so much for talking about this. I find myself in situations like these and I'm not totally aware of what's going on, so thank you for bringing this up because I need to be reminded to be safe!
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Thank you sm. People need to realize that grooming isn't just sexual
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Thanks so much for the information, it really helps knowing what to do in these situations.
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AA tytytyt it's so important to spread awareness about these thingamajigs because majority of minors might think they have the mental awareness to handle themselves when dealing with an adult with ill intentions, but in all honesty minors and adults should jus stay away from eachother unless the adult is genuinely trusted; not by just the minor, but the parents of the minor too
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ty, you're amazing for making this <3
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ALSO you can be groomed by another minor. Just because they aren't an adult yet doesn't mean a big age gap is okay
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Spice is right! Grooming happens at any age! I only focused on adult-to-child grooming in this post because it is so common online. If anyone, even someone your age or younger, is treating you like this, it is not okay and you should leave the relationship immediately.
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But what do u do if it’s someone on here ?
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Contact a moderator outside of GTQ to let them know what's going on. They're adults and they're here to help you, so you don't have to feel ashamed or afraid of speaking out
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