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- Locked due to inactivity on Apr 5, '23 3:54am
Thread Topic: No Subject
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Took the job.
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On other news I have depression It has been like this since last year and I put it off for a while but I’m contemplating not getting up in the morning anymore I’m so tired I don’t care about bills or debt or payments or bill collectors or anything I just want to go away
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I didn’t mean to say it like that it sounds quirky it’s not I’m being serious I just don’t tule with grammar on here I don’t want to harm myself I just wish I could scream really loud and cry
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I just want to sleep all day but I can’t because I have to work and I have a family and I appreciate my family but I feel empty inside I don’t have a purpose and me leaving my field because it didn’t pay enough for something that I considered secondary was the final nail on the coffin. I am not suicl I just have a hold of sadness and wish I could restart in life
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Yeah surprise I’m drinking again after not doing so In a long time I don’t know what to do this was a mistake because when I drink I cry and feel guilty for not being able to feel happy I’m just so tired of myself sometimes I feel like I’m not me and I’m just fighting to be in control of myself and be happy and be normal
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I’m not weird as in menace keep a list I mean weird as in I don’t react the way I’m supposed to I have a family I always wanted but don’t feel the joy I’m supposed to I care about them but I feel like I won’t be enough for them
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I wish I had died in 2015. I’m not suicidal gtq don’t ban me mods you too sometimes stare at the mirror and have your diplomas and your loved ones and your jobs and despite all the things you went through you still turned out on top but compared to how you thought you’d end up but is it really all it’s hyped up to be when you’re in debt and in pain and always sad like there’s an empty pit unsure you that no matter how many things you throw at it it’s still not full and it just Stays there
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I can’t stand my typing right now I can’t even stand knowing I’m drinking again. I don’t know what to do I’m not complaining about what I have I’m complaining that my body and mind does not know how to process it and appreciate it I don’t want to be negative all thr thine
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I have this impending doom feeling I don’t know how to fix it
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I don’t talk to my parents but I always have a what if they die because they’re older now and thought in the back of my mind
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I don’t know why I feel so unsettled it’s not even about me anymore I just feel weird are my parents alright
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During my 1st and 2nd year in uni one of my friend’s mother specialized in disorders and she always looked at me whenever I was at their house with their daughter and one day when my friend left the kitchen to go get something the mom finally talked to me and told me she had been watching me for almost a year and heard her daughter talk about me and was convinced I was bipolar 1. I never got an official diagnosis but sometimes I feel like maybe she was right
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Monthly update my life has been stable ever since I took the job in Human Resources office jobs are so different to retail and customer service
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So is working a remote job now that means two incomes and at night I also work one for customer service
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I can finally afford insulin and we’re doing okay paying back the minimum for our debt I’ve had a few breakdowns but other than that I’m fine I learned that if you show interest in people
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