A Bar In The Sky
Thread Topic: A Bar In The Sky
-
What?
-
"Sorry just... singing along"
-
Oh...
-
"Anyways.... Better get goin!"
-
Oh, alright!
-
"Your mother!"
-
What? *genuinely scared* whatever do you mean?
-
"Scout TF2"
*Starts violently kazotsky kicking* -
"I feel so bad for Kwite"
-
-
Cerberus: You have UNO.
V1: No I don't.
Cerberus: It comes free with your Xbox.
V1: I don't have UNO.
Cerberus: YOU HAVE f---ING U N O
V1: (After another Cerberus starts attacking) I didn't even know you could play UNO 2v1.
Cerberus: SO YOU DO HAVE f---ING UNO -
Max0r: Welcome, everyone, to the Hideous Mass fight, also known as Your Mom. Gottem. Now, I could spend time explaining this boss, but that requires that I understand it. This s--- is goddamn incomprehensible. I want to congratulate the devs on the first non-Euclidean enemy. Of course, that is implying that you can see him, because the grapple attack makes that a little difficult. Just like doing… literally anything else. So if you do get grappled, get ready to convert, because God can't help anymore. And because this boss has armor, the only way to damage him is to hit him in his bell icon, preferably before he slams that subscribe and smashes that like button.
Hideous Mass: I wanna thank NordVPN for sponsoring—
Max0r: God f---ing dammit. Kids, please, never become YouTubers.
Hideous Mass: Top 10 Moments in Ultrakill. Number one: your f---ing death.
Max0r: I finally understand it now. In order to beat the YouTubers, we have to tap into their only weakness: children. I’m sorry, but it's the only way. Go-go-gadget allegations. [ f---ING DISINTEGRATED] Jesus Christ! I don't think his channel's gonna recover… -
V2: Hello, Brother.
V1: Oh, f---.
V2: I believe you have something of mine. Something VERY important.
V1: Can you please speak like a normal person?
V2: [STAND UP COMEDY] How's about this for a trade? I beat you into a f---ing pulp, and you give me my arm back.
Max0r:"Oh my God... He's LITERALLY Me! We're so much alike"
V2: This one will cost you An Arm and a Leg, Brother!
Max0r: Welcome to the most psychotic s--- in a video game. I've said it before and will say it again. This fight is not made for humans, you know, like my videos. We're supposed to be killing each other with rocks. I quit using meth for good. Now I use it for evil.note This fight is similar to last time, except much worse. Now he moves as fast as menote , if I was good at the game. Thankfully, I am not. This s--- is like speedrunning carpal tunnel.
V2:WHAT'S THE MATTER, BROTHER? DOES YOUR ARM HURT? BECAUSE I CAN FIX THAT!
Max0r: It is a challenge to look at V2's direction, let alone shoot him. Thankfully for those of us who can't aim. (V1 tries to use the Marksman coins, only for V2 to shoot them back at him) Oh you motherfu--! THAT'S RIGHT. If you aren't fast enoughnote , he shoots your coins for you. And what's worsenote , he can toss them too, meaning half the battle is a slap fight with nickels. I came here to play a shooter, not a f---ing constellation. This s--- is like a cartoon battle in a dust cloud. And if that wasn't fast enough for you, don't worry.note You can enrage V2 at any time by punching him with his own arm.
V2: YOU MOTHERf---ER!
Max0r: He loves it when you do that (V2: I'LL TEAR YOU LIMB FROM LIMB!!). ULTIMATELY, V2 could be easy, or he could be hard. Easy in that he's limited by your moveset, but hard in that he's only limited by your moveset. We've learned so much during our journeynote , and unfortunately, so has he. But we have grown in the one way V2 never could: EMOTIONALLY (V2: I'LLf---INGKILLYOU-)! So, how's about we teach him how to cope with FAILUREnote , The Old Fashioned Way?
V2: I WON'T GIVE YOU THE PLEASURE OF KILLING ME!
V1: You get back here right this f---ING INSTANT.
(V2 busts out of the pyramid trying to escape from V1)
V2: Gotta get away! Gotta get away! Oh no! (V2 looks behind him and sees V1's perfect Jack-O pose) YOUR FORM IS INCREDIBLE!
(V1 lands gracefully while V2 falls screaming to his death)
V2: f---ING NIKKOOOOOONNN!!
(V2 splatters all over the ground)
Max0r: is he ok?? (CHILD EXECUTED) -
"So we boot up the game, but it doesn't support high resolutions. To fix this, we head to NeoGAF and download a virus. Now I can do any resolution. What amazing gameplay. Our story begins in the 2009 color scheme, with our hero Raiden protecting President Barfsack O'Crumbo. He's touring his birthplace of Kenya."
—Max0r's opening statements to The Suffering of Obama
N'Mani/Obama: I'm, uh, President United States Obama.
Raiden: Mr. President, you have dementia.
N'Mani: Uhh... Drone-strike the wedding.
Raiden: That can be arranged. [Vine boom SFX]
N'Mani's Advisor: What the f--- was that?
Courtney Collins: Insurance fraud.
Sam: Why hello there, would you care to see my RGB lighting?
[draws the Murasama, whose blade is indeed RGB-lit]
Sam: I spent $3,000.
Maverick gunner: Sir, this is a Wendy's.
Sam: Oh... I'll just have to give you a demonstration then.
[Sam dices up the gunner]
Courtney Collins: Oh s--- he's got RGB's. Let's get the f--- out.
Sam: I guess you could say he's half the man he once was.
JETSTREAM SAM
Internet Connoisseur
N'Mani/Obama: Uh, my name is Obama, I have, uh, s--- my doodoo ass.
Raiden: Don't worry Obama. I'll protect you from this sidewalk.
"Ladies and gentlemen. I'd like to introduce you to the first enemy in the game."
[Raiden slices a soldier up]
"Now he's the first one hundred enemies in the game. This is the standout feature of Metal Gear Rising: the ability to cut anything. And I do mean anything: nature, humans, telepathic traffic poles, a family of four, and even staircases that are required to progress the game. I— I think that's an oversight..."
—Max0r introducing Blade Mode
Max0r: "This was groundbreaking stuff for the PS3. Use it to hit weak points, confuse your enemies and prevent them from attacking, or accelerate deforestation."
[Raiden chops up a tree]
Boris: What are you doing Raiden?
Max0r: "Most animals deserve to be extinct."
Gemini 1: Where the f--- is Raiden?
Gemini 2: Hang on, I think I'm hearing, uh, boss music...
(Metal Gear RAY jumps from the ocean as Bury the Light plays in the background)
METAL GEAR VERGIL
A robot denied his tax fraud
Max0r: My game crashed. (It actually crashed here.) I'm just gonna, uh, run past everyone.
N'Mani/Obama: Uh, Joe Biden? Please help me pass the healthcare.
Sundowner: Healthcare you say? I'm a specialist! Ha, a new customer!
[Sundowner joins his blades into a giant set of scissors]
Sundowner: Let's hope ObamaCare covers euthanasia.
—Sundowner, making his entrance by dismembering, decapitating and defeating the Gemini bodyguards.
N'Mani/Obama: My name is Obama, I uh-
Sundowner: Shut up!
—Sundowner kidnapping N'Mani/Obama
Raiden: Stop right there! Put down President Bumcrack Osama!
Sundowner: Ha, I'll put him down, alright. But no... I have a giant robot!
Metal Gear VERGIL: FEDERAL AGENT SPOTTED. INITIATING.
Raiden: Why didn't I see that?
Max0r: Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to the tutorial boss. We're currently undergoing a learning experience. The one you can only get with a giant laser. This is maybe the best game ever made. And although the gameplay is "a little simple", the sheer scale makes me feel empowered and quite intimidated. It's just a wonderful way to do it when you don't look like a cracked-up rooster. Of course there's no need to worry, because Raiden is f---ing Jacked.
Mission, accomplished.
—Max0r narrating the Metal Gear RAY battle
"Your Prime has expired, Raiden, and so has his life."
—Sundowner/Buff Bezos, before fatally impaling N'mani/Obama with the Taco Bell "bong" sound
Sam: I'm about to level up, Jack, and you look like just enough XP—
[is shot at by Boris]
Sam: oh f--- he's useigsn bue4lts -
Raiden: Colonel, I'm trying to fly around, but the clap of my ass cheeks keeps alerting--
Doktor: Raiden, I'm playing Genshin Impact...
DOKTOR OCTOPUS
she camed amogusly down the stairs
Doktor: ...But I've run out of credit card debt to purchase Ganyu. So if you can, can you lend me, uh, a hand? I— I will surely stop collecting them!
Boris: You have a problem...
"So after the roughest plane ride since Delta, we head to a third-world s---hole known as Russia to find the men who killed President Bumsack o'Chungus and put an end to their illegal razor blade factory."
—Max0r summarizing the first mission of the game
"Known s** offender spotted."
—Blade Wolf's first introduction to Raiden
Blade Wolf: You are such a f---ing philistine, Raiden.
Raiden: Wait, how do you know my name?
Blade Wolf: I am pre-programmed with knowledge of EVERYONE.
Raiden: Oh yeah?
Blade Wolf: (softly, as he's off-screen) Yes.
Raiden: Who's your owner then, little dog?
Blade Wolf: The NSA. But my handler is a white woman.
Raiden: Damn, that's rough.
Blade Wolf: I will never eat peanut butter ever again.
"For our next battle, we have Blade Wolf—Jesus—and let me say, if you don't know how to parry more than one attack, it's, um, time to learn. I don't know what attack this is. (Blade Wolf slices up Raiden with his chainsaw tail) Fortunately, Blade Wolf will stop yiffing and call in Meals on Wheels which allows us to partake of the Gatorade Eucharist. Now with the power of Jesus in our veins, we donate Blade Wolf to a kill shelter, and then he monologues."
—Max0r narrating the Blade Wolf fight
Raiden: Oh my God, it's a woman. (she suddenly turns to face him) Please stop that.
Mistral: I've been waiting for you, Raiden.
twitch.tv/algerianQueen
Raiden: Uunnh!
Mistral: Shoutout to BigChungus29 for the donation.
Raiden: Please stay back.
Mistral: Sorry, Jack, but my stream demands you DIE. [crushes a Dwarf Gekko underneath her foot]
Raiden: God, I wish that was me.
Mistral: That can be arranged~.
Dozhaev: My stream! It's—it's gone offline! You are truly weirdchamp!
Raiden: Is that a bad thing?
Dolzhaev: You make me want to kill myself faster. But no matter. With my death, you will never find our SECRET BASE at 29th Ave. Mexico City!
Raiden: What the f---?
Dolzhaev: These are the coordinates.
[Dolzhaev blows himself up along with the oil tank he was on, blowing Raiden away]
Raiden: Goddamn, I'm turned on.
Boris: Raiden, we need to pick you up. What's your location?
Raiden: I'm... I'm in a Chinese factory.
—The conclusion of the Mistral battle
"Now equipped with a solid lead for his Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance (2013) video game, it's up to Sonic the Edgehog to make his way to the city of Mexico,note complete with his 50 lbs of smuggled cocainenote and a stolen Mercedes."
—Max0r takes a nice little trip to Mexico
Chapter 3: Breaking Bad
Kevin: Raiden, a-are you wearing a sombrero?
Raiden: It's my disguise. I'm trying to blend in.
Kevin: You are trying to give me a f---ing brain aneurysm.
Blade Wolf: Your destination is on the right.
(Raiden's car stops with a Vine boom. When he gets out of the car, he's in the Sombrero disguise which does nothing to help him blend into Mexico. One citizen is practically shocked at his appearance)
Max0r: Now it's time for Raiden and his small pitbull to make their descent into Fallout 3.
—Max0r showing off Raiden's "clever disguise"
"Hey, what's up gamers, Max0r here, and today we're gonna be questioning why Blade Wolf is packing an entire bakery. Better keep playing the game to bleach my eyes."
—Max0r
"What's up gamers? It's Max0r here, and today we're being beat to death by a gorilla. Make sure to like, comment, and subscribe."
Post a reply as a guest or Log In
REMEMBER:
- Do not harass or insult other people. Treat others how you'd like to be treated.
View all 10 forum rules
- Do not harass or insult other people. Treat others how you'd like to be treated.
View all 10 forum rules
