Welcome to Antilia.
- Locked by breadgirl69 on Mar 24, '23 5:18amReason: Request
Thread Topic: Welcome to Antilia.
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The thoughts and memories, horrible flashbacks, words that were spoken, they won't go away.
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An indescribable amount of anger is eating away at my heart, and that's not who I am, but it hurts, and I can't get them out of my life since they don't want me to be in theirs, but they won't leave me alone. What more do you want?!
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You're going to "punish" me for decisions that were made when I was mentally unstable. Obviously, if I did something so drastically, there WAS something wrong with me. And I needed help. And I tried to get it. And you f---ing ostracized because I hurt your feelings by leaving.
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I always knew it would be this way if I ever tried to get help. No one believed believed. They thought I was exaggerating or just letting my mind run wild with negative scenarios. No. Sadly, I know the b------s well enough. I knew they would do this.
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I want to move on with the little bit of life I have left. And that bit goes to, hopefully, my family to come...
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I'm going to eat later, today. I don't want to eat with them...
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Anger appears to be the ongoing theme of today...
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I shouldn't be this angry, but, at the same time, I feel like I should...
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Part of me wants to wish them nothing but the worst...
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When they asked me to forgive them, I did. Just because I wasn't all chipper and lovey-dovey with them doesn't mean I didn't forgive them. But, what they're doing isn't "healing from their hurt", it's hurting me because they're hurt and they think they're in a position of power where I NEED to go back to them. It would've been beneficial to us both to work on our relationship, but, you know what? I don't NEED to do s--- with them. If they're going to treat me like a dog because of their issues, imma stay here and work on myself and hope that you work on y'all because obviously, I'm not the only one with mental issues, here. I understand you got this way because of your parents and how you were raised; I got this way all the same, but I know I'm damn sure I will never take my trauma out on my kids. And if nothing else, from you, I learned what NOT to do...
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I'm doing it again. I'm filling up Brandan's thread with s---...
Ugh. -
I don't even use the journal I have now. I've lost all hope and interest to after my privacy was ripped from me when my parents went through my journals. Not once, but thrice in my lifetime...
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And their justification for going through a then-18-year-old's journal: "Everything in the house belongs to us."
Is that why you're trying to treat me like property? -
And "Bluey" was all that kept me going when I was in the hospital. It was a wholesome thing in the midst of all my issues. It was just soothing to watch.
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But, you don't care what I endured for 18 years...
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