Let's have a discussion about drama.
- Locked due to inactivity on Feb 14, '21 3:54am
Thread Topic: Let's have a discussion about drama.
-
Important: This is not intended for anyone to bring up specific details about past arguments. I can and will lock this thread if it becomes an unhealthy discussion.
I believe that we as a community can do better when it comes to public drama.
For starters, I think that we all need to work on sidebar commentary during arguments. "Are you seeing this?" "Wow, I can't believe X said that!" So on and so forth. Talking about what's going on in your thread does not help the problem. I think it's okay to make comments like, "I'm going to log off until this is over" or things like that, but when you're taking an argument as an opportunity to bash someone or gossip, it's not beneficial by any means. I know I use the term "this is a public forum" a lot, so this may seem hypocritical, but I do believe that we should try to contain drama within the thread it started in. We do not need to comment on everything we see. If you genuinely have the urge to talk about it, take it to DMs or wait until the situation has calmed down so you can have a peaceful conversation about it.
Another issue that is particularly common: users that have nothing to do with the situation coming in and trying to get involved. It is one thing if you are trying to calm both sides down. But it is another thing to dog pile, or gang up, on other users. There is no reason as to why an argument between two people suddenly becomes a messy thread of multiple people going at each other's throats. We need to learn to let our friends solve their own problems... Within reason. If you see two users insulting each other and talking in a way that obviously won't benefit them, I absolutely recommend that you either ask a moderator to step in or you step in to get them to stop. However, if you already see a user trying to diffuse the situation, don't step in. And if the argument seems to be something those users can handle on their own? Don't step in. I know that we all want to try to help, but it is important that we let each other learn how to work through conflict.
Currently, moderators have the following guideline towards drama:
Moderators will not get directly involved in arguments or drama between users unless:
a) We are requested to diffuse the situation
b) The drama is being taken to multiple threads and is causing discomfort throughout the community
c) Rules are being broken
If you guys feel like this guideline should be altered, by all means, please tell us. We made this in an effort to try and let you guys grow as people without our constant involvement. However, I think I can speak for all of the moderators when I say that I want this site to feel safe. If this guideline feels like it's not working, let us know so we can either up our game or totally change the writing altogether. -
OH NO I MADE A TYPO
*I think I can speak for all of the moderators when I say that we want this site to feel safe. -
Another issue that is particularly common: users that have nothing to do with the situation coming in and trying to get involved
Is what I’ve been doing alright? Even if it doesn’t concern me I try and work it out. It usually helps but idk -
You made a typo by not starting with "hey f---wads"
-
Also for the mod guidelines,
Maybe if an argument is bound to explode and multiple people will be angry, and a lot of people are gonna be swearing- the mods should try and diffuse it right then and there if it’s getting too tense.
Does it mean that the mods (as regular users of this site) can still try and help out even if it isn’t related to being a mod (like saying ‘stop cussing or you’ll be ____’ -
Another issue that is particularly common: users that have nothing to do with the situation coming in and trying to get involved
I know I'm guilty of this, but sometimes someone is getting unfairly bashed on something and I want to step in to defend them. -
@Chameleon:
We need to learn to let our friends solve their own problems... Within reason. If you see two users insulting each other and talking in a way that obviously won't benefit them, I absolutely recommend that you either ask a moderator to step in or you step in to get them to stop.
If you're stepping in so you can attempt to diffuse the situation, that's alright as long as there isn't already a moderator or another user doing so. However, if too many people are stepping in and trying to help, it can make the people involved feel overwhelmed.
@Paige: I honestly forgot about that. I had one job and I blew it. :'( -
@Spice: I did the same thing with Cats.
-
Gosh dangit, dark
You shoud’nt have screwed up :( -
@Ethel: To be fair though, Cats was being mean back then and you got angry with all of us. You said that Cats was your friend and acted like we weren't. I will admit that we could definitely have handled the situation better though.
-
Well said. Thank you for posting this. ♡
-
@Ethel — True what Spice said. I’ve gotta be honest you were siding with Cats even though she was clearly in the wrong.
-
@Chameleon: From the moment an argument starts, we try to monitor the situation and decide if we need to step in or not. Swearing isn't necessarily against the rules, but I understand what you're trying to say, and I agree that we could have better judgement of when to say "enough is enough."
I'm a bit confused by the second half of your statement. Is there a typo?
@Spice: I absolutely understand where you're coming from. I think that we all need to really sit and ask ourselves if we should step in. What happens with these arguments is that one person says their mind... And then someone else feels like they should say their mind... And then an argument goes from being just 2 people to being the whole site picking sides in an attempt to defend their user of choice.
Of course, what I quoted to Cham still applies. If an argument is just totally unhealthy and neither side is moving the conversation towards a beneficial end, at that point, I think it's valid to step in and tell someone to stop. Especially if they are just going to town with insults. Never be quiet if someone is being a genuine bully.
To summarize what I'm trying to say... If it's an argument, try to let those users handle it themselves. But if one user is just harassing another, definitely step in and tell them to knock it off! -
@Spice: I could've handled it better, too, I just got so overwhelmed and upset the entirety of this site was ganging up on her. I felt the same way, too, once. My empathy can be confusing sometimes, heh! ^^'
-
Not a typo lmao, just really bad at explaining and putting thoughts into words
Does it mean that a mod, since they’re still users, can’t handle the situation from a ‘regular’ user’s point of view?
This thread is locked, therefore no new posts can be made.
