the child is just meat
- Locked by The Coldest Sun on Jan 1, '21 6:54pmReason: Locked at owner's request.
Thread Topic: the child is just meat
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i still feel alienated. i still feel like you didnt want me there. i feel like an afterthought. i know its not realistic to judge how much you care for me by the gifts you gave me, and i wouldnt care if youd given me nothing at all. but you gave everyone else personal gifts. you gave them all flasks you made yourself, with their nicknames printed on them, and expensive liquor. you gave me cheap gummy candies. its almost as bad as the year you gave her an expensive ice cream churning machine, and me a pint of store bought ice cream. i just dont know how you can still claim to love me when you show me over and over that you dont even think of me.
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i feel so ugly, complaining about this. so petty. this could be so much worse.
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i cant even talk about it. who would i tell? everyone would either be angry at you or tell me im overreacting, and i dont want either of those things. i dont want you to love me performatively. i dont want you to pretend to care to appease the family. i miss when we were younger and i felt youd do anything for me. now i cant even get you to text me back.
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i feel all alone haha
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how can you say that?
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i wish i could start over here a lot of the time. wish i could have been nicer. wish no one knew me.
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this isnt getting better.
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im a fake
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feels like the end of the world.
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i want to disappear. now would be the perfect time.
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i didnt do it. im feeling better this morning.
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i should have known.
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how could i have possibly thought you were different..
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i really thought i had made a friend. why cant it be just that? why do you have to make it weird? youre old enough to be my grandparent.
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i realize youre grieving and my desire to normalize platonic intimacy makes me feel like a hypocrite for how i feel about what you said.
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