Urgent
- Locked due to inactivity on Nov 11, '20 3:54am
Thread Topic: Urgent
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I regret never being able to tell my real life crush how I felt about him when I liked him. He only lives two hours away, but the day I fell for him, I never saw him again afterwards. I’m not sure it would’ve gone well, either, since my mom likes to talk s--- about his mom, and his mom likes to gossip, which annoys my mom. Also, his parents are strict because he’s the pastor’s son and all. He was a little mischievous like me, though, and we always got along. I wonder if he still likes me. I mean, if he ever did. I assumed he might’ve because whenever we went to church and he had to play in the band, his eyes would always find me from the stage wherever I sat, and he’d smile at me. I severed my own feelings for him because years had passed and we hadn’t even spoken since the day he came over. It was causing me heartache to constantly long for him, and I deduced that it was awkward to feel that way since he was a year younger than me. I wonder if he thinks about me, if he misses me, and if he really did have feelings for me. And maybe I have repressed feelings for him, but they’re choked out by the thought of how hopeless it’d be since our parents probably wouldn’t allow us to date, yet. But…if I get to see him anytime soon (which especially isn’t likely with the way things are now), do you think I should…quietly tell him that I had a crush on him?
I’d kind of liked him since I was really little. We used to do everything together, but now we barely see each other, and I miss him. So slowly, my feelings grew as we did, and it really wasn’t until the last time I saw him that I realized I was into him. I mean, I’d felt it then, but I couldn’t say for sure what it was. That moment, my mind was racing thinking more than a crush, I’d fallen in love.
It was four years ago. I was thirteen and he came over during a hot August evening. We went outside and the next-door neighbors were bullying me. He got them to stop and then he joined me on our swing set. He ensured me that nothing was wrong with me, and even if they continued to be mean, I should continue to be nice to them. Could’ve been the sunlight and the way it hit his eyes. It could’ve been the way he smiled. It could’ve been the fact that I hadn’t taken my usual catnap and I was going crazy. But, right then and there, as we sat next to each other, so close on the swings, my heart pounded, my body went numb, my face grew hot, but I couldn’t feel the heat around me as I stared into his eyes and he stared back at me. I don’t know if I was really going to kiss him or not, but I kinda leaned in, and he did too, but he jumped up from the swings when his mom called him saying it was time to go. I was speechless for the rest of the day…
I dream about him, sometimes. I think about that day. It was bittersweet because I felt so deeply, but he never got to know.
Another factor into me “giving up” my feelings for him was that he was put in public school after being homeschooled up until high school, and I was afraid he’d meet a girl while we hadn’t spoken in years, and by the time we meet again, he’d like someone else. It turns out that he was taken right back out of the school a week or two after enrolling because he was being bullied. I didn’t find this out until last year when my mom was talking to his mom on the phone. (I wish they could’ve arranged a day for us to hang out, then, but that was during the crisis prior to me finding this site.)
I really miss him, and I just don’t feel it’s fair for me to let this go without at least telling him while I’m still single that I liked him. Who knows? He might like me, and if he does, then I’d be okay with that. If he doesn’t, at least I said something. But for some reason, I feel like I should tell him that I do like him. (And yes, I meant to say “do” and not “did”. I deny my feelings only because of fear that it might not work out, but I do feel things for him. Maybe I never stopped. Maybe I was able to convince myself that I didn’t, but deep inside, I knew I did.)
But, it’s funny how I felt totally obsessive about him when I was younger and my friend said I wasn’t obsessing. Now, even though I feel this for him, I don’t really obsess. I think about him, but I don’t feel like I’m going to die if I don’t see him. I feel a bit guilty, at the moment, for not being able to tell him all I feel, that’s all.
Anyway, I’ve clearly rambled about this far too long. Bottom line: I’m still (possibly) crushing on my old real-life crush, and I need to know if I should tell him my feelings the next time I see him (whenever that is because we’re never really able to even talk on the phone).
Someone please answer this ASAP because I won’t be able to be on as often, after today. -
Alright. So I honestly have bad relationship advice, but I would just straight up tell him.
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