Jeeshan I will throttle your ass cheeks
Thread Topic: Jeeshan I will throttle your ass cheeks
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I was social last night
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Is this what a mental breakdown looks like -
Bby
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Bby I missed u
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I don't think I should hold a grudge but I can't help it
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I know that you both loved me, deep down. I know what drugs can do to people. But...
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I never asked you to bend over backwards for me. All I wanted was parents that were there. You left me at grandma's and didn't even show your faces to fight for us at court. You chose so many things over me. And that f---ing hurt.
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How am I supposed to forget everything? For both of you? Dad used me to bail him out of jail, and I was basically a puppet on a string my whole life for him. Mom had me stay over with her violent boyfriend, multiple times. I spent almost every moment in fear. Being told to not piss someone off or else they'll beat you up, and then seeing that someone beat up your mother wasn't a fun thing. And then repeatedly picking that someone over your kids.
I know it wasnt moms fault, and the financial abuse that was along, but she should have never told me to keep quiet about it.
I know dad was so f---ed up on heroin that he didn't know what he was doing.
But it doesn't reverse the damage. And having to pretend that the damage is totally gone is so difficult. -
I hope I hid that from recent posts
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Mom's brain damage + her mental disorders won't ever make her a normal human being, but sometimes I just wish that after she recovered from her addictions, she became a normal person. And I mean that in the nicest way. I just want mom to live in the same reality everyone else is living in.
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As stupid and unlikely as it is, I'm always afraid I'm going to end up mentally like my mother. My grandma says my mom was born...off. Whenever I go through tough spots, especially since it's been a year now, I wonder if I'm going to slowly become as emotional and unpredictable as her.
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