No Subjects
- Locked due to inactivity on Mar 17, '21 3:54am
Thread Topic: No Subjects
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But is it really depression despite feeling nothing and caring about nothing I don’t feel like Kermit ing suicisssssseyeeee it’s weird it’s more like me knowing and feeling like I just exist but have no desire to advance
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Idk. But for the first time in a long time I don’t care about money or making ends meet. It’s a breath of fresh air.
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Is it really depression or are you just worried you wont succeed at meeting everyone’s expectations so you just quit before to avoid the embarrassment
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I’m just sad and it’s stupid because my college education is going good. Compared to others my age I only have 3,000 in debt that is nothing compared to what I should have for the amount of courses I’ve taken so far
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But I just feel so
Well that’s the problem I don’t feel anything just sleepy and like I’m just here to exist
But I don’t want to die at all I just exist and I’m okay with it? But not really because I don’t care? Nothing matters to me and it’s weird because it’s not the oh so emo let me self harm s--- I felt when I was a teenager
I literally don’t feel anything. -
Just frustration because I want to improve on myself but knowing that if I try I won’t be happy with the outcome.
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Can you f--- off for 3 seconds mate it’s midnight and you’re over here complaining about not knowing where your s--- is if you actually picked up after yourself the house wouldn’t be a mess because I’m done being the house chef, butler, and primary utilities provider around here.
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I feel sad.
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Normally I would be upset because I feel upset but me being able to want to cry because I feel something other than self loathing is a change.
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I miss having running water but guess what I’m not paying that f---ing bill because that’s the job of Nathaniel and I’ve been covering for him for 2 months now
It’s time that I get to be selfish and claw all my little paychecks into myself and don’t put out anything but the bare minimum like the rest of you do. Let’s see how fast this function will go to s--- once you see how much I actually over work myself trying to be the f---ing parent, driver, cleaner, grocery shopper, cook, emotional support, and time manager.
And no f--- you im not giving you your stash I threw it away in the park dumpster but he’s never going to know that -
And you know the worst part
I’m doing all these jobs being emotionally unstable myself all that that’s just what I do at home
I still hav e to split myself in 2 for both jobs and then on top of that cut off sleep hours for my unofficial pay by hire moderator and calc helper jobs
Then when semesters are in session I still have to divide myself into another 4 to do the course load I usually take
All of that and I still have to find at least 1 hour of free time in my week to go to the park to skate so I can keep my s--- together
That’s divide myself into 4 pieces for 4 people
4 pieces for jobs
4 pieces for college
12 pieces not including all the miscellaneous cooking and house keeping s--- and grocery shopping and taking care of a child that’s not even mine
Im not sure if this feeling of not feeling anything is my body saying hey you need to slow the f--- down and taking it upon itself to disassociate but I just
I can’t -
Can you stop jerking off no one wants to hear you do that and please put on headphones if you’re going to watch prn
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I can’t do this today or any other day again for that matter how many posts have I already complained about this guy beating it to
Like 8
That’s 8 times literally no one wanted to know about
Get a f---ing clue and go to the bathroom -
The left side of my head right above the eyebrow above my eye feels like a nail gun is shooting nails at it every time I close my eyes it’s like a nail is getting stabbed through my skull and touching all the muscles there time to drink some coffee
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Stop touching your d---.
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