Land of Stars and Echoes
Thread Topic: Land of Stars and Echoes
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I was so happy. Maybe we could follow through on all those plans after all.
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After another week or two, however, she disappeared again. I couldn't bring myself to be heartbroken. I just felt bitter. If she didn't want me in her life, why couldn't she just leave me alone and let me live? Why did she have to rope me back in if she was just going to leave me behind again?
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She never made a move to communicate with me. She sat with her new friends everywhere and I stayed quiet. She still threw me little smiles in passing in the hallways, but I was so sick of her by then. Those smiles felt like excuses. I started responding to them by glaring her into the ground without a word. I was honestly so angry.
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Finally, she stopped acknowledging me altogether, and I returned the favor. No more obligatory smiles, no more glaring. Radio silence. We were practically strangers.
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About a year later, I overheard my brother on the phone. He was talking to her. He wanted her to come over, but she refused. She thought I hated her, and didn't want it to be awkward.
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A year had passed. A year to stew in my teenage angst and either get over it or throw a dramatic fit and demand retribution. I messaged her for the first time since we'd had a conversation about how we were going to always be nice to public workers when we lived together. I had chosen to move on and not interfere with my brothers life because of my hurt.
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I told her that I didn't hate her, that I was just a little bitter. She explained to me that she had gotten discouraged when I had stopped talking to her, and grown to believe I hate her, and had therefore withdrawn.
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I told her that I wasn't the first to stop talking.
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"Yes, but I was worried you were mad at me because I wasn't talking to you, and every day I started to feel guiltier until I just couldn't bring it up to you."
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Bulls---.
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That was the end of it as far as I was concerned. I just wanted to tell her I didn't hate her, that she could come into our house if she wanted.
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She kept talking.
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She thought I was trying to make up. She told me all about how well her life was going then. How she'd had three months of pure self-reflection and realized she was Wiccan, and grown so much as a person. She told me about her soul mate who she'd found that month.
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Friendly conversation, basically, but it felt like she was mocking me. I "mhm"ed my way through the whole conversation, just wanting it to end.
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Now I just don't know what to feel about her.
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