Batman's Cave
Thread Topic: Batman's Cave
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Hey guys ^-^
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I haven't been to sleep Carebear. I'm fighting it, drinking coffee, energy drinks. EVERYTHING. So I don't have to sleep.
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Hey Nelly.
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So how are you Joz? :P
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Ah, how are you, honestly Nelly. I don't know. Mixed emotions are churning in the depths of my stomach confusing me onto the edges of insanity.
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care_bear19 NoviceJ: That's not healthy J, you're going to make yourself sick. Lack of sleep and energy drinks is bad news, J
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I'm Good
I understand Joz, We don't have to talk about it if you don't want you ^-^ -
Carebear: I know Carebear. I know. I'm just scared of going to sleep because of the nightmares, and because of.....him.
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care_bear19 NoviceJ:*hugs* I know J. But you have to sleep eventully
Hai Nel. I feel like we don't tlk much since i came back.. -
Nelly: I don't know if you would want to hear.
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Carebear: *hugs* I know, but not until he leaves.
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Joz: ARE YOU KIDDING :D I LOVE OUR CONVERSATIONS ^-^
Care: I know we don't talk much any more, I'm sorry about that -
Nelly: You wouldn't love this one. I guarantee it.
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Joz: *Sigh* Jozlyn...... *Looks at you* I don't care if I like it or not, I still want to hear what you have to say.... So Tell me!!!
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Is there something wrong with me? Am I so unwanted to others that they rather hang themselves then speak to me? It's happened before. I've watched Death swoop in and takes people's life on multiple occasions. No. Not just one. Many times. First time, I was four.
My mom decided it was alright to smoke crack when she has cancer. Her boyfriend of the hour came home. He was furious at my mother for some reason. I heard screaming and shouting. I hid in my room, not daring to look out. But I couldn't avoid it.
He started hitting my mom. This is the usual events of my day. But this one day the hitting was harder and more fury was added to the punches. He would usually use his fits, but at times put his cigarettes out on me and my sister for fun. My sister tried to interfere, but was thrown in the Christmas tree. My brother just walked into the house, higher than the kite. Not aware of the situation in front of him.
I tried to get my brother's attention. I screamed, and cried. But I, was useless. I seen this happen multiple times, but little did my mom's boyfriend know she was pregnant. Yes, with a little boy, I remember being so happy, I was going to have a little brother I was going to protect from this bad man. I screamed loud enough for my mom's pursuer to stop and look at me. I still remember his words: What the f--- are you doing? You should be in bed. Or do you want me to punish you some more? He started unbuckling his belt, and I screamed again.
I screamed for my brother, and for my mom. My sister was knocked out, bleeding from the ornaments. After the scarring happened, he went to my mother again. He pounded his fists into her gut. Blow after blow. No one could do anything. I was terrified he would do it again. My mom pushed him into the table, and he yelled. I remember the next part like it just happened. It felt like time stopped, he raised his foot and kicked her in the stomach. Blood gushed out, I realized then, my brother, sweet, sweet Joey, is dead.
I never met my father. I was told he abused my mom, cheated on her on multiple occasions. I never did. I never experienced him with the naked eye. I see one photo of him, with long black curly hair, deep tanned skin, he was tall. I remember my mother telling me that he was near the seven foot range. But with me, I got my mom's shortness. So did my sister. The funny thing is, my sperm donor doesn't even know I exist.
My first memory I had, it was very difficult to comprehend at first. I remember I was about two. I heard my mom screaming about something while I was drawing on the walls in black Sharpie. I heard quite a lot of loud noises, banging, and cries for help. I didn't know what was wrong, so I didn't bother with it. After a few minutes, the cries didn't stop, and I started to get hungry. I walked into my mom's bedroom to tell my mommy. I didn't know better, I didn't know what was happening. But when I turned the knob, still hearing the creak of the door, I seen my mom in tears, with blood rushing down her back. I screamed.
I didn't know why this bad man would hurt my mommy. Only yesterday they were saying I love you to one another. And now he hurts her. Why did he? My question was never answered. My mom started screaming at me to leave, and not me too. What did she mean by that? I didn't understand at the time. So I walked over to my mommy, and attempt to kiss her boo-boos. I was halfway to the bed, before I felt something grab my shoulder, throwing me into the mirror. I remembered the pain of the glass digging into my back. I screamed again, crying. Yelling at the bad man to stop. But he didn't stop. I looked at my mom, tears blinding me. She gave me a look, of disapproval and hurt. I realized then that I was going to take any pain for my mom, so I didn't need to see that look ever again on her face. My mom's face was beautiful, deep red hair, pale white skin, high cheekbones with bright blue eyes. But these eyes were dull, not like my mommy's blinding ones. I knew she was hurting.
The man started toward my mom again, and I screamed. A blood curdling scream that continues to haunt me. He turned around with disgust on his face. Curses were spat, I didn't know if he knew any other words than the curses. But I didn't push. He turned around again, giving his attention to my bloody mother. I screamed louder, and he turned around again. Pissed. He shouted words, and I cried. I didn't know what was going to happen. But I knew it was bad, and I knew this bad man couldn't hurt my mother. He gripped my arm tightly, and threw me onto the bed. He pulled my pants down.....he raped me right in front of my own mother. Making her watch, and if she looked away, he would flick his lighter and press it against my thigh. Each second hurt worse than before. Every second. I screamed for him to stop. I struggled, kicked. It hurt. He was too strong. He made my mother watch him taking away my innocence right there. My mom wouldn't look at me after it happened. She said only a few words to me that seemed to haunt me: He did this because of you. It's your fault I'm like this. It's your fault. It's your fault. Everything is your fault.
A few months later, I heard a knock at the door. I thought my Aunt Di was already here. So I ran to it, opening the door and already sprung attempting to hug my Aunt Di. It was someone else.
I looked at the person's leg I was grasping, Not a female's. I thought, I looked up to see a man starring at me, with confusion in his eyes. I quickly stumbled away from the stranger, shutting the door. I yelled for my mom, and she came. She was limping from another interaction with her boyfriend. My mother was puzzled, why was I screaming? I told her there's a strange man at the door. She went to open it, and cried. I didn't know why she was. She opened it, and told them they had the wrong person. That she wouldn't let them take her children. I was so confused, why is my mom crying about her children being taken away? Who's this strange man? I asked my mom why she was crying over this man, and she answered me. CPS
I didn't know what that meant. But I knew it was bad, I hugged my mom's leg. The man said things to my mom I didn't understand. I remember one name though, Tim Shepherd. I didn't understand how my father's name was brought up in this mess. I started to ask my mom, but the man came in. He made a sign to someone, and more people started coming out of nowhere and went into my house. I started to run and find my oldest bubby. I was positive he wouldn't let these men take us. I didn't get ten feet until I felt a pair of hands grab my hand. I look up and seen a strange woman smiling. Why would you smile at the fact of taking my mother's children? I thought, I pulled away. I attempted to loosen her grasp and run.
My struggles were a waste because that only made her grip tighter. After my refusal, she carried me. I kicked and screamed loudly. I thrashed, if it had an affect on her she didn't show it. She carried me all the way to a van. A dark blue one, with green mixed in. She put me into the car, and attempted to hold me down. One by one I seen my siblings being restrained. the oldest one, Charlie needed three people to finally retrain him, while Richard needed two, and Nick needed two as well. My sister Skylr fought, more than I did. She needed two women to finally get her restrained.
They piled us into the car, one by one. I cried, and slept through the ride. Ending up in this one building. I didn't understand what else was happening, the rest was a blur. I seen my brothers getting taken away by another family. With only my sister left, I hugged her. I cried, and cried. I remember my sister and I being taken away by another family. A dark skinned family that looked like they hated us from the start.
Weeks passed and it wasn't getting any easier. They decided us being potty trained was too much to handle and put us in diapers. They rarely
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