Hiccstrid's official thread
- Locked by The Coldest Sun on Aug 31, '18 10:55amReason: Locked at the creators request.
Thread Topic: Hiccstrid's official thread
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I feel like I'm surrounded by death.
I keep having dreams about my cat that died, and that won't stop bothering me
I keep finding dead mice lying around, or dead birds in the birdbath
My mind feels dead
I feel like I'm being destroyed from the inside and just numb to everything
This house feels almost evil. I was super depressed today so I went outside to do stuff and I felt much better, but coming back inside that same heaviness returned. Most of the time I'm pretty content and happy, but then this cloud comes over me that makes me hate my life and my parents and myself and I can't get rid of it
And I cope by eating junk food and then I get more depressed because I'm not holding to my exercise routine and so I don't feel like doing anything and it's a downward spiral
And I have no one to talk to because the only people I'm around are at least sixty years old.
And my parents are oblivious to the fact that I'm dying inside
And then when I start to explode they get mad and say it's just because it's my period
Sometimes I just want to grab them by the neck and shake them and yell WHY??????
Why did you take my life away? Why do you have to be so controlling? Why can't I have friends? Why can't I be normal? Why do I have to be so set apart? What got into your head that made you think this was good parenting? -
Are your parents controlling? (Let it out)
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Oh boy this will take a while to put into words
Hang on -
Spill the tea
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WARNING: THIS IS KIND OF LONG AND RAMBLY AND POINTLESS
It depends on how you define controlling. Most "normal" people would probably say they are, and when I get really emotionally charged, I would definitely say yes, they are controlling.
But being raised in an ultra-conservative, homeschooler, Christian culture, most families that my parents are affiliated with would say they're pretty good parents.
Tbh I think they are genuinely doing what they think is right and in my best interests.
But they keep a very tight fist on Internet access for me. Basically any time I get caught having any kind of connection on Internet, they explode and act like it's the worst thing ever. My mom hates me for loving HTTYD. She calls it a cult and says I'm immoral for loving it. And she hates that I have been on GTQ. She says the people here don't actually love me, and that they're not real people.
What's really frustrating me is that my mom has double standards like crazy. I wouldn't mind restricted access to Internet half as much if my mom wasn't so liberal about giving it to herself. She literally has two iMacs, an Apple laptop, three iPads, three iPhones, and two iPods. How is that even close to fair? And she's on Facebook constantly and is always texting and emailing people. So it's okay for her to be in contact with the outside world, but not me. Gotcha.
And since I'm homeschooled, I basically have no friends at all. My parents have this weird conviction that kids should never be around other kids their age without adults being around too. So at any social gathering, I am LITERALLY THE ONLY KID THERE and it really hurts. I feel so alone all the time, and any time I try to tell my parents about it, they just say I need to have a better relationship with God. THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT!!!
Ever since I was little, my mom has always said "No" to just about any kind of invitation to a social event with other kids. My parents pulled me and my siblings out of youth groups because they said the kids were having an influence on us. I have never been to a sleepover or a party or a "date" with any other kids my age.
My parents won't let me get a driver's permit (even though I technically don't really want one anyway) because they say I just don't need to. Even though absolutely every single other kid my age has a permit.
My parents just don't seem to understand the torture of being alone--of being the only person like me. I have no one irl that I can really open up to and be myself around, because they don't allow me to have relationships with anyone.
Sometimes they pretend to care. Sometimes they're like "oh yeah we should probably get you involved in some kind of groups of kids your age" but then they just say no to everything. They don't even care that I have no one. They think it's fantastic that I'm only ever around adults all the time. Not that I don't like adults, but I just would really like to have at least a few people my age that I can understand and relate to.
Because my parents just make fun of all my emotions. Every time I get upset or emotional or angry or stressed, my mom tells my dad to look in the bathroom trash to check if it's my period. I KID YOU NOT. It's like I'm not even human to them. I wish I could have a group of people my age, or even just a few years older, that are going through the same things I am. But that won't ever happen, because my parents think that's evil.
So in a way, yes, my parents are controlling.
But they don't chain me to my bed at night or any of those kinds of news stories.
I feel really bad complaining about this though because there are so many kids out there that are homeless and sexually abused, and I am just mad that I have no friends. It sound so pathetic and stupid. But the pain is still real.
So there. I guess I let it out pretty good XD -
They are totally being controlling. Sadly, there is nothing you can do about it until you are 18. But once you are 18, they can't control you. You shouldn't feel bad about complaining. You have every right to complain. They are isolating you from everything. Never feel bad about your feelings. I genuinely don't know what to say. Honestly, I feel bad for you. I really do. I'm not trying to suck your d---, that's awful. If you ever need to rant I'm here.
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Thanks :) at least someone understands
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You have it rough honestly.
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Oh really? XD
Most of the time I just kinda try toget over myself and move on because I know so many people have way worse lives than me and I do tend to be a bit of an attention whore at times
But it's good to know at least I'm not insane -
Yeah
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That moment when you come on and try to think of something badass to say but come up empty
#storyofmylife -
I was literally practicing my Chopin Ballade imagining myself playing for America's Got Talent. I am that delusional.
Olivia, you will never be a world famous pianist. Just because you're good for a 15-year-old does not mean you're good. -
It's kinda weird the only users left are either just a few months younger than me, or in their twenties. No middle ground.
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If I pass my DSST on Thursday I'll have eight more classes till my bachelor's
^~^ -
ey! wassup?
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