Which one sounds better?
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:21pm
Thread Topic: Which one sounds better?
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I'll only write down the first 2 pages and then tell me which one sounds more interesting to you....
Night Rider:
"Rider, wake up. You're dozing off again." My best friend, Dallas, said as he elbowed me in my right side.
"What? Sorry. What is Mrs. Rose talking about this time?" I asked him as I sat up a little straighter.
"Just boring History stuff." Dallas replied as he did that head swing thing to get his brown hair out of his hazel eyes.
"That helps me a lot." I said sarcastically and then yawned.
"Rider, Dallas, why are you talking during my lesson?" Mrs. Rose asked us.
"Why are you teaching during my conversation?" I retorted. I've always been known to be the rebel in my school. It's not like I try to be, it's just that I'm always tired during the day, and I'm a little snappy and rude too. It's part of the reason why Dallas is my only friend. The other part is how I look. I guess my night black, curly hair and ice blue eyes, that seem to be white if the light doesn't hit them right, seem to make people think that I'm a creep or a weirdo. Only Dallas took the time to get to know me.
"Looks like little miss rebel snapped at the teacher." Sydney, the popular girl, said.
"Yeah, and she ain't the only thing about ready to get snapped." I threatened her.
"Did I do something wrong to you, Weirdo? Well, what are you going to do about it?" Sydney said the first part as innocently as she could, and the last part as mean as she could.
"I'll show you what I'm gonna do about it." I said as I stood up and clenched my fists.
"Rider, sit down!" Mrs. Rose yelled at me.
"I'll sit when I wanna sit." I snapped at her and then the room became deadly silent.
"Rider, you have detention." Mrs. Rose told me in a stern voice.
"Not like it's the first time." I told her.
"Rider, please, just sit down before you get suspended or expelled." Dallas whispered and I reluctantly sat down.
Mrs. Rose let out a breath of relief, once I sat down, and I saw her relax a little bit. I sighed. It wasn't the first time a teacher was scared that I would hurt them or someone else. Mrs. Rose went back to teaching and I tuned out the rest of her class.
And that's it for that one that I'm going to give you. And here's the next one....
Black Wolf:
Splash. My foot stepped in the cold creek. A girl next to me squealed as the same thing happened to her. I rolled my eyes and then continues to follow my summer gym class. We were doing an eight mile hike. Hiking doesn't bother me. In fact, it's one of my favorite things to do. I just love being outside, especially in the woods.
"Did you hear how loud Ann screamed, Hallie?" My friend, Liz, asked. Her blonde hair was pulled in a high pony-tail.
"Yeah. I'm pretty sure people in China could hear her." I said as I walked right next to her.
As we came to a narrow path, we had to get in a single-file line. Liz was behind me and Ann was in front of me.
"Oh, by the way, people couldn't hear my scream in China if we're in Pennsylvania. That's impossible." Ann said, her brown hair in her face.
"Duh. We know that, Ann. And you know that we're just messing with you." Liz said. Ann was always the more skittish out of us three. She always has been since I met her and Liz four years ago in 6th grade.
A screech came from above me and I instantly knew that it came from a bat.
"Since when do bats come out during the day?" Ann asked as the trail started taking us through a place where there was waist-high grass on our right side, and a hill on our left side, that also had waist-high grass.
"I don't know." Liz replied.
I looked up and had my enhanced eyesight and hearing, zoom in on the bat. I saw it's beady little red eyes stare into my deep green ones as it started to circle me. I also saw it's sharp, little fangs, which definately confirmed my suspicion. It was a Vampire.
"Did you hear that?" Ann asked.
"Hear what?" Liz asked.
"That rustling noise in the grass." Ann replied.
"Ann, you're always hearing things." I pointed out.
"Yeah, but, I saw the grass move too." Ann said.
"You're also always seeing things." I told her as I kept my focus on the bat.
"No, wait. I just heard it too. It's to the right of us." Liz said and then I took my senses off of the bat and back to normal.
I looked at them like they were both crazy.
"I'm sure nothing's there. It's all in your hea-." I was cut off by a low growl to the right of me.
As I turned towards it, I was knocked backwards, and we started rolling down the hill.
"Hallie!" Both Liz and Ann yelled.
And that's all I'm going to give you on this one too. So, tell me which one sounds more interesting and which one you would like to read first. Either "Night Rider" or "Black Wolf"? -
First.
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The first one. Your a good writer!
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....second one? Im out-voted, but you are a very good writer! :)
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Sorry deep.id say the first one too!
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Idk... The first one but i would still read the second
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Alright and thank you guys so much :D.
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i like the first one to :P
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Okay, thank you :).
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