Hey I'm writing a story...
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:18pm
Thread Topic: Hey I'm writing a story...
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THE FALLEN & THE FORBIDDEN
PROLOGUE
The car swerved sharply and collided with a tree, having the second swerve into it as the little girl cried for her lost parents, the blood soaking the concrete road. The sister of the young girl weeping as well as the cars collide. No! She shouts but to no avail. Her parents are dead. She could hear their last cries and then silence.
CHAPTER 1
It all began with that car crash. The pain, the horror, the mutilation, the depression. The accident happened five years ago but it was still fresh in my mind. The smell of blood, the smell of death, lurking in the air. My name is Jezebel Louis. People hate my name. It means condemned. Maybe thats why Im condemned to this fate. Of loneliness and depression. Im the older one at the scene. The younger girl is my sister, Meagan. People like her. Her name means Pearl. I dont care much of what other people think. Jezzie get your butt in here! My sister Meagan called. I walked out to the living room and sat opposite her on the couch. I think you should go see a psychologist.
Im not going to see another shrink Meg. They dont help. They make it worse.
But Jezzie. Theres a really good one in town at the moment. One of the worlds best.
I dont care what you say Im not going. Besides, weve got school. I had a point. We were late already, as always. But I knew shed drag me there eventually.
I hoped onto my bike and peddled to school with my sister close behind. I dumped my bike inside the school gates, not caring if it was stolen or not. I could always walk home. I was always alone at school. No one ever came up to me and I never came up to them. I preferred it that way.
My locker had so much stuff in it. School was useless if you ask me. Just another education system to make kids feel insecure and stupid. So I banged my locker shut and wagged like usual. Itll go the same way it always does. I get a gig at the caf and then my sister drags me to another psychologist and I kick him and leave. I hate people telling me whats wrong with me. I think I have a pretty good idea already. Like usual I rock up to my favourite caf. Its one of the only places. Scratch that. The only place I feel peace and sanity anymore. So when I found out my ex boyfriend is in there I freak. I storm up to him. What the hell are you doing here?! I say through gritted teeth.
Im having a coffee. Got a problem with that Jezebel? He said.
Yes, yes I do. Now piss off! I replied. He seemed to give it some thought but he just stood there and turned back to his friend. Whatever. I said and walked out. His name is Mark. Wed been going out for six months but broke up when my depression got worse. That was about two years ago but he still hasnt gotten over it. I realized Id left my bike at school but Id just go get it later. I just had to ditch a few hours.
Finally after those hours and hours of finding something to do paid well because by three oclock I was riding home on my bike. I dumped it in the garage and slammed the door behind me. It opened again to reveal my sister. You wagged school again! Jezebel you promised. To do it for them. Mum and Dad.
Meg! Theyre dead. Stop pretending like theyre not! We cant come home and they ask us how our days been. Theyre gone so you cant tell me I promised them. Cause that was back then. This is now Meg! I basically ran to my room before she could go on one of her rants again. But I knew it wasnt long before she dragged me to a psychologist and we moved again. I hated moving. At least once every year I would go to the professionals and they tell Meg I need a change of scenery to get rid of the memories and the bad mood Im having. For five whole years. Weve moved from our hometown of Brooklyn to Hawaii, to New York, to Chicago, to Argentina, to France, to Portugal, to Africa, to London, to Serbia, to China, to Japan, to Tibet, to Algeria, to Cyprus, to Cuba well, you get the picture. We were running out of places to go. We finally came to California, which is where we are now. Thats another state off the list. I thought about this as I faded into the darkness of sleep.
Sure enough. The next day I was dragged to the psychotherapist. I was in the waiting room when I heard my name. Jezebel! Jezebel Louis! I got up and trudged grumpily into his office. He started off the whole session with the usual. Howve you been?
I grunted and replied, Well, now Im annoyed cause I have to go to another stupid psychotherapist who always say the same crazy answer. That I need to move. That Ive got problems and blah, blah, blah.
Well sure enough Im not going to say that unless absolutely necessary. He said. Sure, I thought. Like always. Sit. Im going to ask you a few questions. Firstly, have you ever or are you now experiencing back pain.
I was officially seated so I answered. Sometimes.
Secondly, are you becoming more defensive and argumentative?
I guess.
Thirdly, do you get tingling sensations in your back sometimes?
Yea.
Fourthly, have you noticed a difference in your eating habits?
Whats it to you?
Fifthly, are you experiencing any other weird functions in your body that normal seventeen year olds dont.
Its called puberty dude.
Other than that.
Maybe, maybe not. It was a true fact that I did. I got funny feelings sometimes and my head was clearer than usual. I could hear things and see things others missed. Stuff like that. He got up and paced the room. He leaned over his desk and picked up a phone. His mobile it looked like. I continued to sit and stare as his fingers dialed the numbers. He put the phone to his ear and began to speak, but in a gentle whisper. So he thought I wouldnt be able to hear.
Yes sir. Weve found her. There were pauses between all of his answers. Waiting to get a chance to speak when the others response was over. Yes sir right away. He said finally after a conversation he thought I couldnt hear. Or maybe he wanted me to hear. He strode over to me. Will you please come with me?
Whatever. I say and follow him. However, he doesnt take me to the waiting room to see Meg. -
the quotation marks seem to have disappeared though...
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Honestly, I think it's a little over-played. Car accident, angry, dpressed tennager, is she going to meet a boy that helps her come out of her shell?
But overall very well written -
Awesome! Please write more! It's a little confusing but otherwise, good job!
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@Sisi- Thanks. I was planning that yea there will be a guy but it gets a little more complex with the relationship. Thanks for the feedback!
@alyk4321- Thanks. Ok I'll try to work on that. Thanks again for the feedback! -
The Geek NoviceNot bad but i think the name bit was a bit much.
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@The Geek- ok thanks for the advice!
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