My Fear
- Locked due to inactivity on Feb 11, '17 3:54am
Thread Topic: My Fear
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Although my wish wasnt for this to occur. It effected my fear far worse than before. It caused my original sleepless nights to increase dramatically. In a way which I had no long waited for the darkness. I longed for the day when it would cease to exist like normal irrational fears, but this wasnt just another irrational fear. It haunted me in ways I would not wish on my worst enemy. The fear would jolt through my body as if lead was residing in my veins instead of the blood that my heart pumps. It was a word that was not to be uttered, not to be spoken aloud, not to be even thought of. It was Beatle Juice in a tense. Speak the name three times, and he shall appear. This was an exception though, speak the name and he shall appear. Speak it once, twice, or how many times you fancy, he will appear. I have yet to speak the word, and I refuse to in my time. He makes the classic horror characters; Freddy Krueger, Michael Myers, The Grudge, seem childs play.
I wished for this fear to disappear, it was a futile hope though. Perhaps if my brother didnt taunt me when I was just a mere child, I wouldnt have this fear. Yet, he did, and I live with the consequences of his childish actions. Everyday, until I finally confront this creature or until it becomes me. I know I am way too damn stubborn to succumb this unholy creature. .
I continue to have my fear control me as I see the frightening images on once was something that used to help the world, but now it revolves around the horror throughout the state. I am fearful every moment of everyday. As if it was the annual Purge and I was going to die, though it was everyday, every hour, every second. Simple actions brought fear into my life; checking mail, the bus stop for school, taking the dog off the leash. I could hardly fathom the thought of opening the door without thinking of the worst possible scenarios; it is capable of kidnapping me, torturing me until I am begging it to end my story. Although this was quite true, some would immediately come to the conclusion that I am going mad. That these masked and painted things were once to be viewed as fun. Regardless, you give a man a mask and he will show his true self.
I fear the name, I fear the thoughts, I fear, I fear, I fear. It seems as if this is my cycle of life. To fear. It seems as if there will never end. As if the god(s) are punishing me for something before my life. Something I was fully oblivious of, but evidently accounted for.
Ive contemplated the golden question, why? Why am I fearful of such a character? Why does the name cause shivers down my spine as if someone ran a knife along my back? I am not sure why the masked characters cause me so much fear. As if something so innocent would effect me in ways how a normal person would react to a gun pointing at their skull. There is not any guns pointed at my skull, nor is my life threatened. Yet I continue to fear. To fear the name. To fear every possible trait.
I envy the ones who are capable of starring at this creature directly into its eyes without a second thought, without having a hint of panic. It was a challenge for me, but to others...it was as if they were seeing an old friend. Their eyes would light up in surprise but would be quickly replaced by kindness. How can someone manage to look at these creatures and have kindness displayed across their face so lucidly baffled me to lengths I have never discovered until now.
Once I attempted to face one. The carnival. A place that revolves around eating Elephant Ears and stomach aches. But the occasional scream here and there---I had hoped it would be someone spotting the creature, with my luck it wasnt that way---and laughter. Always laughter. With creatures roaming the streets, and yet they are smiling, Accepting balloons and such from the creature and not containing a trace of fear. It was as if these people werent afraid of them! That they actually enjoyed their company! I had a voice in my mind telling me that if they are capable of doing this, then evidently I am.
I walked over to the creature, ready to face it---or ready to run---like the children. As soon as I spotted the face, I froze. I wasnt capable of facing it, not my fear, nor the fact that I was the only person in existence---it seemed---that could not even utter its name. After that, I vowed to myself to never face one again. To avoid it at all costs.
Honestly, I could have done that. To live my life without having it in my life. It worked perfectly. Until they started becoming violent. Leading young ones into wooded areas and ending their story. My fears werent irrational after this. It seemed reasonable. My brother would refuse to let us leave the house without some sort of protection; pepper spray, our CO2 guns, ect. I finally felt like I was not the unnatural one anymore. I felt, in some sick way, victorious. Finally! They understand that I was not overreacting, I was not going mad, nor will I. It is normal! The thought of this brought a warm feeling into my body that I could not quite comprehend.
I understood I should not feel any happiness from this. Humans are being murdered, lured into wooded places, and I? I am smiling. I am smiling because for once in my---almost---decade in a half life, I feel as if I can speak freely about this, and my fear is shared with others. That they finally are able to feel the fear I have felt in my life. -
This is good
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Really?
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bump
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Succ my nutz
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