Relationships + Depression
- Locked due to inactivity on Sep 23, '22 3:54am
Thread Topic: Relationships + Depression
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When you're dealing with something heavy such as depression, you are often told to focus on yourself before perusing a relationship. The expectation that is implied is that you must get over your depression before you get into a relationship. But, what if you have chronic depression that lasts for a lifetime? There are people who never get over depression. Do they not deserve to love and be loved? I understand that when they are depressed, they could easily expect their partner to give them all the happiness they lack, or they may further lose themselves for being too dependent or enchanted with the high of being in love.
I want to be clear that I am not encouraging people with these issues to get into a relationship. Yes, one would still require work before setting off to find a partner.
What I'm talking about is when you know your self-worth, but still question it at times. When you wake up wondering what life is for, but you push through anyway. You may still need counseling and therapy and you may still be working to learn how to cope with certain triggers, but you are operable aside from others--you have and know your own person, and you don't feel utterly useless without a partner.
Sometimes, people who are depressed can fall in love and desire a relationship, and if they are mentally stable enough, having reached the point previously mentioned, it actually betters their spirits to have someone alongside them to help them pull through. When it's a relationship like that, I feel that it would be okay. If the person doesn't go out looking for love, but finds it in a "more natural" way, so to speak (and instead of actively searching), I think that sort of relationship would hold up more so than one built upon the desire to find a partner in the midst of all hell.
I also wonder about the couples that came together before depression. If one of the two became depressed sometime down the road, and maybe even after marriage, what would you say? People often look down on depressed individuals in a relationship, telling them they shouldn't be in one because of their depression. (Really, it depends on the level, and who the person is, as it varies for each person, I would say.) But what would they say to the married couple when a spouse gets depressed? "You should get divorced; you shouldn't focus on a relationship if you're depressed." I don't see anyone saying that, and if someone has, I hope they got the slap they so deeply deserved because that's just plain foolishness. (*Note: I am not talking about relationships that caused one to be depressed. In most cases, divorce does end up being the answer for those. But, that's not to say everyone does it.)
I think that some people are right that someone isn't ready to be in a relationship, but not necessarily because they are depressed; I would say they shouldn't be at the moment due to the severity of it. If it is hardly manageable, your first priority should be taking care of yourself.
And a common misconception is that the partner of the depressed individual is deeply burdened by the depressed individual. I have learned (and am still learning) that no one knows the partner better than themselves, and it's actually quite offensive to assume for them or say what they feel when their feelings are theirs to have and express; it's disrespectful to tell them what they should feel for themselves.
I don't usually give lengthy reports, but I felt like this needed to be addressed because not enough people talk about this. It happens. -
I have depression because of middle school
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